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Camp 1x4: Valentine’s Day In July

Valentine's Day in July-- a concept almost as ridiculous as the writing on this show.

Camp 1x4: Valentine’s Day In July

Previous episode: "The Mixer"

After last week's episode, I fooled myself into hoping that Kat and Ben would show up, thus completing the migration of Dance Academy cast members (that matter) to Camp.

Alas, the TV Gods mocked my wish with a storyline involving Buzz and masturbation.

Why do I torture myself? Oh right, because DANCE ACADEMY.

Let's just get on with it, then.

Camp Awesome

- Abigail showing off her fierce ballet bikini bod.

- Sammy and Chloe secretively making out (only because it reminded me of Sammy and Abigail secretively making out).

- Sammy: "I have cancer-- I'm not a vampire."

- Tom Green's acting. It's impressive what he can pull off with such craptacular resources.

- Christian, shirtless.

- Abigail's AMAZING eyebrows.

Camp Terrible

- Buzz preparing to masturbate to a swimsuit catalog. Pass the brain bleach, please.

- Roger and Cole's fight, aka dick measuring contest.

- Christian's American accent.

- Christian's song (sorry, dude).

- Grace being nice to Buzz. WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT?

Camp WTF

- Who lets their little kid dress up like a cupid then roam, unsupervised, around a wilderness camp handing out valentines? Paging CPS...

- Sheila holding a beer and a bowl of snack mix at the same time, which means there is no way she could eat the snack mix unless she just put her face in the bowl. Come on, show, at least TRY to make your scenes look real.

- This camp is on the brink of bankruptcy but they have enough money for an elaborate Valetine's festival? Really?

- Christian is in a kissing booth and it's not mobbed by a million girls? AS IF.

- Abigail, kissing a non-Dance Academy actor. That just ain't right.

Ok, campers, it's your turn. Are you giving up on this show yet, or does your love for Dance Academy sustain you through this hot mess? Let's convo in the comments!

Next episode: "Heat Wave"

Posh Deluxe's photo About the Author: Sarah lives in Austin, TX, where she programs films at the Alamo Drafthouse. Sarah enjoys fancy cocktails, dance parties and anything that sparkles (except vampires).