Greetings my fellow TVD-thusiasts! I’m Amanda R and I will be your weekly Vampire Diaries recapper, bringing you all of the “Holy crap!” and “Oh no she didn’t!” declarations that being a fan of this show requires.
But enough of me - on to shirtless Damon!
Season 5 starts off with a bang (snort) as we see that a lot of our friends in Mystic Falls have been getting their groove back all summer long. Lots of frolicking going on here. Damon and Elena of course, but what really arched my eyebrow was seeing Rebekah and Matt in Europe with a THIRD PARTY. I really did NOT think Matt had it in him but hey, what happens in a luxe apartment in Prague stays there...OR DOES IT.
Caroline and Elena are getting ready to leave for school, school being Whitmore College, Elena’s dad’s alma mater, a mere three hours away. Because we all know that it’s never a problem for high school-centered shows to move on to college, right?
Jeremy is, of course, back and fully alive and apparently living with Damon. He’s rehearsing his story to the principal about how he was all messed up on drugs, set his house on fire and faked his own death. Because of course you’d let THAT kid back into your school and not immediately recommend him to a mental hospital. Bonnie is still dead, but only Jeremy knows and is the only one who can see her. She has everyone convinced she’s off traveling with her mother and is putting off the inevitable.
Caroline is overcompensating for Tyler being in Tennessee all summer with a werewolf pack by being Type A-Caroline, planning dorm color schemes for her room with Elena, except that when they roll up for freshman orientation and start to unpack their blood bags (as you do) they find out they have another roommate. Caroline doesn’t like not being in control, universe. The sooner you realize this the better. New roomie Megan seems super sweet but WHAT’S THIS - Caroline discovers that Megan’s water stash is laced with vervane!
But I’m getting ahead of myself. We also hear everyone talking about how no one has heard from Stefan all summer and hmm, isn’t that kind of weird? I’m guessing the incessant boinking sort of got in the way of anyone really caring. He’s probably just off licking his wounds, right? Wrong, because as well know Silas left him in a safe in the bottom of the lake. Turns out Stefan is Silas’ doppelganger so now we have Stef-las/Si-fan wandering the earth, evil things being a-plotted.
So who could Stef-las be plotting about? I’m guessing it might be the person who stole The Cure from him. Katherine Pierce. The first shot we see of now-human Katherine is her wandering the streets at night looking absolutely petrified. This brings me no small amount of real happiness as I find her utterly irredeemable. She eventually shows up at Chez Salvatore begging Damon to help her as she’s sure that there are beings out there who want her dead. (You can add my name to that list, ma’am.) Damon totally wusses out and lets her STAY. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING SHE WILL BRING YOU NOTHING BUT PAIN AND HEARTACHE.
But I digress.
It wouldn’t be The Vampire Diaries if Mystic Falls wasn’t having SOME kind of seasonally themed hoedown, and this episode does not disappoint. We have an End of Summer BBQ in the Square, where the Mystic Grill is representing. Matt has come back to his crap job at the Grill and Rebekah is there saying her goodbyes as she leaves for The Originals, I mean, New Orleans. Also, saying goodbye = lots of fun sexytime. They manage to keep the plot moving in between sexytimes by Matt saying that Third Party in Prague took his Magic Ring. Hmmm.
And now it’s time for Stef-las to roll up and get this party started, mainly by chatting with Sheriff Forbes, mindplaying her and squeezing some blood from her wrist into his coffee. Turns out that he’s not a vampire (...ok?), he’s the original immortal (the O.I., bitches!) but he still needs human blood to survive and make him stronger. Sheriff’s mind is wiped and Stef-las moves along.
We see Jeremy kick the snot out of 2 bullies, Hunter style, and gets expelled from school. Damon is super pissed. Awesome! It also leads to my favorite Damon-ism of the episode:
Jeremy: “This from the guy who killed me once!”
Damon: “Yes! In the privacy of your own home!”
Stefan is still underwater and is hallucinating conversations with Damon, who is telling him to turn his humanity off. I’m guessing this is so he’ll be strong enough to get out of the safe? Stefan refuses, saying that a life as The Ripper is just as bad as being trapped underwater for all eternity. As much as Boy Scout Stefan annoys me I also respect him for not wanting to go all Angelus and slay a ton of innocents.
Meanwhile back at UC Sunnydale-I MEAN, Whitmore College, we see Elena and Caroline try to get into a frat party but GONG, they can’t because, duh, they’re vampires and someone has to own that frat house. Caroline is convinced that Megan knows about them and even moreso when Megan is all like, “So why aren’t you guys coming in, etc”. As Elena and Caroline mope back to their dorm Elena gets a call from Megan who is screaming that she’s being chased. Suddenly a body is pitched off the roof of the frat house and poor Megan lies broken and bleeding - from her neck! Vampire at the party, whatttttt? (Vampire At The Party - hipster band name.) Campus police are saying it’s a suicide and Elena is too afraid to hand over Megan’s phone to prove otherwise. And then Elena finds a pic of Megan with ELENA’S DAD on her phone. WTF?
Meanwhile, back in Mystic Falls, Damon and Jeremy are at the Grill and Stef-las shows up, pretending to be Stefan, obvs. When Stef-las touches Jeremy’s arm as he leaves Jeremy freezes up. He tells Damon that that dude was NOT Stefan. Ghost Bonnie confirms that when she died her spell ended and therefore Silas isn’t entombed in stone anymore. I’m actually sort of glad that this is figured out in the first episode as it’s pretty clear that Silas isn’t really going to pretend that he’s Stefan. He’s much too nefarious for that noise. Also? That would have been one helluva boring plotline week after week. So Damon races back to Chez Salvatore once he pieces together that it’s Katherine that Silas is after. Katherine manages to hold her own by slashing Silas with a straight razor (who the hell shaves their legs with a straight razor?) and legging it out of there with Jeremy. I wonder how Jeremy feels about saving the bitch who KILLED HIM.
Damon confronts Stef-las and is informed that unless Katherine is brought back he won’t reveal where Stefan is, all while explaining the doppelganger mythology and why he looks like Stefan. Of course once Damon calls Jeremy to tell him to bring Katherine back, she causes a terrible car accident and leaves Jeremy there to die. Even as a human she continues to be awful. It’s actually worse that she’s still such a narcissist because she can’t blame it on being a vampire anymore. Damon’s worried why they’re taking so long so hops in his (hot, sexy) car and finds Jeremy dying on the side of the road. Vampire blood healing time and Damon hugs Jeremy to him. Awww. I love that Damon is Big Brother’ing Jeremy now considering he sort of hated him before. PERSONAL GROWTH.
So the End of Summer BBQ is winding down and Matt sees a familiar face lurking about. It’s Third Party in Prague! INTERESTING. He follows her and she tells him that she’s come back to give him his ring. He’s not buying it but takes the ring back anyway only to be grabbed from behind on either side of his head by some Czech dude who starts chanting and HOLY SHIT ARE MATT’S EYES TURNING BLACK? And then suddenly they’re not. I am VERY interested in this plotline because our Matt is usually just the dog’s body of Mystic Falls. Don’t get me wrong, he’s also the beating heart of his circle of friends but I have a feeling that shit is about to get very real for our Matthew.
Poor submerged Stefan. He’s still having dreams about Damon, who is still trying to get him to shut down his humanity. But then Elena is in his dream too, telling him not to and our stalwart Stefan continues his submerged state and we all sniffle just a little tiny bit.
Bonnie’s dad, aka The Mayor, is giving a little speech to the townsfolk at the BBQ when Stef-las comes up on stage, reveals who he is, creeps out the entire town by telling him HOW he gets his powers (blood) and then tests the extent of them. Turns out he can control the entire audience, sans Bonnie because she’s a ghost. Just for shits and giggles he also slits Bonnie’s dad’s throat and I’m like NOOOOO because dammit! Bonnie has had so much grief and heartache and now her dad is dead. Maybe this will turn into the season of Dark Bonnie? OH I DO HOPE SO.
Stef-las tells the people of Mystic Falls to find him Katherine. But we all know it won’t be that easy and I REALLY hope that Elena stays at Whitmore for now because LAWDY LAWD.
So what did y’all think? Season premiere expectations met? Over Whitmore already? Enough shirtless Damon? Let’s convo!