Title: Honey 2
Fix: Morbid Curiosity
Netflix IMDb Summary:
Recently released from juvenile detention, talented dancer Maria Ramirez finds an outlet for her passion with a new dance crew.
If you're anything like me, finding out there's a sequel to the mediocre dance movie that starred Jessica Alba's abs means, "AWW CRAP. I have no choice but to watch the mediocre sequel to that mediocre movie." (But STAY STRONG, dear reader. Or lower your already meagre expectations. And then demolish the remnants of your expectations.)
In order to justify the "2" in this movie's title, Honey's mom has become the legal guardian for Maria, who's fresh out of juvie. As Maria tries to start her life over -- both in and out of the dance studio that Honey built -- her past keeps resurfacing. OMG WILL THERE BE A SHOWDOWN BETWEEN HER PAST AND PRESENT? And in DAAAANCE form?! (
Captain Obvious Spoiler alert: Honey herself does not show up.)
Kat(erina) Graham as Maria
Oh, Bonnie Bennett. She's playing the role of the troubled protag who just wants to DAAAANCE! Which means full shirts aren't allowed to restrict her sick abs.
Randy Wayne as Brandon
I've only seen this guy in The Lying Game, so I had no idea he was Bianca Lawson-esque, i.e. a 30-something playing a teenager. Anyway, Brandon's the obligatory love interest.
And now we get to the celebrity cameos for the film! The first one featured musicians like Missy Elliot, Ginuwine, and Jadakiss (and lol Shawn Desman). This time around?
Mario Lopez as himself
Audrina Patridge as herself / Hot Celebrity Judge / Melinda (?)
Since when was she a dance expert? Her Dancing with the Stars experience def. doesn't count.
Couch-Sharing Capability: Any Way You Want It ('It' Being Background Noise)
This movie doesn't require a whole lot of attention span. YOU'RE SHOCKED, I know. You can put it on when you're busy chatting/folding laundry/planning for world domination and just occasionally perk up when someone starts dancing.
Recommended Level of Inebriation: High
Y'all -- the very first scene is a juvie dance battle. And here are some of my highly scientific analyses of the other dance scenes:
• Flashdance rip-off
• Like a really fun dancerobics or Zumba class
• Nouveau voguing
• Sneer dancing
• Blindfolded dancing
That should tell you everything you need to know about the required alcohol intake.
Use of Your Netflix Subscription: Weak
Obvs, this is way, WAY inferior to any entry in the Step Up franchise. You really shouldn't be watching for the dancing. Or the plot. Or at all. (10% on Rotten Tomatoes!) But if you can't resist low-budget, direct-to-DVD sequels that have tenuous ties to the original... well, this movie exists.