I’m going to take a page from Jim Dale’s narrative style in Pushing Daisies here, so bear with me.
The facts are these:
-Professor TightSweater is holding Jesse hostage in his lab, Mad Scientist-style, although to what end we can only guess; I’m now thinking that he’s trying to find a cure for vampirism.
-Stefan is still a bit of a dick, only really talking to Caroline.
-Caroline is really only talking to Tyler at the moment - AMONGST OTHER THINGS - and we see them cavorting in her dorm room making up for lost time.
-Bonnie is still ghosting her friends and Jeremy has a big case of the Sadz because he misses being able to touch her.
-Elena is channeling her best Velma from Scooby Doo while trying to solve the mystery of Megan’s death. (I really had almost forget about her. Sorry, Megan. I loved your specs.) She finds a Mysterious Loner Dude (™) huddled around her lame memorial and finds out that he grew up with her. Later at the Whitmore Historical Society Ball, she ALSO finds out that he has lost everyone he’s ever cared about. You know Elena is thinking, “OMG WE ARE TOTES DESTINED TO BE BFF’S.
-At the aforementioned Ball, Tyler and Caroline win Best Costume by going as Bonnie and Clyde, while Damon and Elena kind of disappoint as Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn, not headless.
At least he went as sexy Henry VIII from The Tudors and not a bloated old ginger guy with gout.
-Mysterious Loner Dude (™) turns out to be the ward of none other than Professor SnugJumper, who warns him to stay away from Elena. Oh, and he does this AFTER he tells Elena that people are watching her and her friends and she best drop the hell out of school and get her butt back to Mystic Falls. And the whole world rejoices at an excuse to leave the forced college plotline!
-Silas is still trying to track down Nadye so that he can get The Cure, aka Katherine, and he also lets them know that he’s not going to snack on her like a delightfully topped Triscuit, oh no, he’s going to DRAIN HER DRY like a margarita on a hot summer’s day in order to be fully restored to human (and also a witch), which brings us to…
-Damon has figured out that if he can swap Silas’ life for Bonnie’s that he can bring her back from the dead. While sharing this with Jeremy Bonnie is all, “OH HELL NO”, and Jeremy’s like, “She’s totally down for it!” Bonnie is sure that Silas wants to destroy The Other Side completely and when I try to wrap my head around what that would really mean my eyes cross. Bonnie stresses that this spell that Qetsiyah has placed has to be tied to a very large, very consistent anchor, like the moon or a comet or a doppelganger. Find the anchor, then break the spell.
-Remember how we were totally bored by Nadye? WELL PLAYED, writers. I did not see that coming, and by THAT I mean that Nadye had herself turned into a vampire so that she could track down her mother. And when I say “her mother”, I mean MUTHAEFFIN’ KATHERINE. Katherine tells Nadye that she returned to Bulgaria to look for her and the emotion on both of their faces is so tender and fragile that your heart can’t help but grow three sizes, Grinch-style.
-Elena is being incredibly typical and blaming herself for not realizing that Bonnie was dead. I hear you, girl. You were gettin’ your groove on all summer long with your hot new man but you can’t be mad at yourself for that. Stop pushing Damon away because I WILL GLADLY TAKE HIM.
-Lady Q shows up at the ball as Cleopatra (totally amazing) and dances with Silas, thinking it’s Stefan. Silas has convinced Damon to snap his brother’s neck, severing the spell Q put on him just long enough for him to compel her into telling him where this mystical anchor is. The gypsies have hidden it because of course they have. Later on when Damon tells her that Stefan is actually Silas she reaches into his chest and twists his heart. Every woman across the globe who’s ever been slighted REJOICES as Silas goes all cold, grey and stony.
-The door for Klaus and Caroline creaks open as Tyler chooses his desire for vengeance over his love for Caroline as he packs his shizz and leaves. Even as she reminds him that he sounds exactly like Crazy Klaus he’s not budging. Then we all hear Caroline’s heart break.
-We see just how much Damon loves Elena in his quest to bring back Bonnie as he turns on a newly-arrived Katherine and attempts to feed her to a sleeping, stony Silas. The look on his face is nothing but purely victorious and I kind of love him for it. But you know Katherine isn’t goin’ out like that because her heart is STILL BEATING AFTERWARDS and I’m kinda like WHAT JUST HAPPENED HERE YOU GUYS.
Moments of Hilarity:
“Why do you suck so badly at killing yourself?” - Damon to Silas
Moments of Heart-swelling:
“What is worse than seeing you and hearing you and not being able to feel you?” - Jeremy to Bonnie
“Be the love of my life. Love me more than you hate him.” - Caroline to Tyler
So what did you guys think? Here’s me thinking that Nadye was just a plot device when she is so much more! And what about Professor TightSweater? Good guy, bad guy or somewhere in between? And Katherine?? How did she survive being completely fed on by Silas? Maybe Nadye turned her in order to save her…? I’m curious to see how being a MOTHER will change Katherine, if at all.