Previously on The Originals: Everything we thought we knew about the show was turned on its head when we find out that the witches are popped from the gastrointestinal system of Satan himself (that is, they want to kill teenage witches to ~*Restore Their Ancestral Power*~), Marcel saved Davina from the witches, Davina has to die to resurrect the other three witches who died, Elijah tunes a violin, Marcel also looks good sans chemise, and Father Kieran is Cami and her dead twin’s uncle. Hayley greets Elijah’s return by slapping him and giving him a passionate stare, and the internet goes wild.
The witches' shop: your one stop shop for magical herbs and creepy dolls suspended on a screen.
The Original Dysfunctional Family Drama
The show opens with Vampire Book Club at Elegant Uncle Elijah’s Home for Wayward Wolves, that is, Elijah and Klaus reading (poetry about the fruit of the poisoned tree) and making us all suddenly long to be a book. Books are this week’s violin.
Klaus is trying to reconcile with Elijah, so he offers him a girl to eat, suspecting he might be “a bit peckish.” That was the first time I snorted out loud during the episode, and wasn’t the last. Rebekah is given the task of cleaning up the blood dripping on the rug and disposing of the body. No wonder she has a complex. Meanwhile, the Wayward Wolf herself, Hayley, is suddenly showing a lot. Elijah meaningfully pours her cereal and her milk for her. Cheerios never looked so sexy and evocative!
Marcel, for his part, is looking hot and drinking bourbon twice during the episode – once when he comes to the conclusion that Thierry was the only person he could ever really trust, and once when he and Rebekah have crazy supernatural sex at his mansion. Pass the church fan. He later figures out that the Originals have been lying about where they’re staying – Elegant Uncle Elijah’s Home for Wayward Wolves is the plantation that Marcel lived on as a slave. Seems like a low blow. Marcel is Not Happy, but does receive an award for the sexiest apple-biting there ever was.
Cami is mad that she’s not grieving her brother’s death anymore, even when “murderer” is scrawled upon her brother’s grave, and she goes to confession to corner her uncle into talking to her. Father Kieran tells her to take her peace however she can get it, but Cami refuses. Later, in Klaus’ presence, she remembers that he compelled her. He tells her that he killed Agnes, the witch who hexed her brother and made him insane, and she flips out. She swears that she’ll undo the compulsion and make him sorry he ever laid eyes on her. I don’t know if it’s the casting or the dialogue, or maybe both, but what should have been a really intense moment just didn’t have any weight to it (for me). Klaus, for his part, looked hurt. Jospeh Morgan really plays the hell out of this part, doesn’t he?
Over at the witches’ cave, Agnes and her minions kidnap Sophie and restrains her (the shackles and chains seemed a wee bit overdone – there’s three of them and one tiny witch) so she can inject her with a syringe. This is meant to kill Hayley’s baby, since Sophie and Hayley are linked. Sure enough, Hayley feels the jab and wipes away blood. The spell is designed to kill the baby by raising Hayley’s blood temperature, which it does, leading to an absurdly hot pool scene with Elijah cradling Hayley in the water as Sophie (and Davina) try to undo the spell. Sophie tries to help, but she is clearly furious that she has lost her leverage in getting help – and tells Elijah as much.
Davina succeeded in unlinking Hayley and Sophie, but Elijah basically tricked her into it – as I saw it, she only thought she was untangling a knot, not the significance of doing so.
Finally, Agnes and the members of the “faction,” the humans who help rule the supernatural population, all die at Elijah’s hands. Elijah promised Sophie that he would not let Klaus kill Agnes, and he kept his word. It loses some of its sociopathic luster once they return home to find that Hayley is gone, presumably kidnapped by Marcel.
When you're done here, Agnes, maybe you could inject Cami with a personality.
The Original Mythology
- The Needle of Sorrow kills babies in utero by raising the mother’s blood temperature.
- Agnes, the last living elder, is the only one powerful enough to do spells such as The Harvest.
The Original Body Count
- Around 8:40 I was looking at the clock thinking, “No one has died on this episode, what the heck?” Right at that precise moment, Elijah captured the hearts of the faction members (and the audience), broke Agnes’ neck, and elicited the most hilariously charming sociopathic smile from Klaus. And me.
- Also, Klaus says “toodle-oo, Agnes” when threatening to kill her. That’s the ultimate insult to injury, right? You’re about to die, and the hot blonde vampire says “toodle-oo.” Talk about not dying with dignity.
"U mad, bro?"
The Original WTF
- Vampire book club! How many of us would join that book club? (Klaus, Elijah, Rebekah, you’re entirely welcome to meet us for SF FYA book club. The place we meet has some stellar bourbon cocktails, and we know you’re into that sort of thing.)
- Marcel refers to “working” on a plantation, which struck me as a really toned-down choice of words.
- Apples, apples everywhere. Last week I wanted to be reincarnated as Marcel’s sheets, but this week Marcel’s apple topped the charts. The symbolism was more than a little heavy-handed.
- Oh Josh, your Lord of the Rings quotes made me giggle. So did your shirt.
- Marcel kept a room for Rebekah exactly as she left it, one hundred years prior.
Just take a look / it's in a book / a reading rainbow
I can go anywhere / friends to know / and ways to grow / a reading rainbow
The Original Joseph Morgan Award for Tortured Hot People
GOOD GOD, another week in which EVERYONE IS REALLY SMOLDERING. Oh, to be an apple. Or in a pool. Or an old book, cradled by the Brothers Mikaelson. How hot was the Marcel/Rebekah encounter (and his flirting at the witches’ shop)? Or Elijah, holding our hearts in his hands? Pouring cereal? Cradling his brother’s baby mama? (If they can make that pairing work without being too weird, I will be impressed – call me old-fashioned, but I wouldn’t want to date someone my sibling hooked up with.)
Take it away, commenters! What did you think? Did you hear Tyler (Michael Trevino) will be joining the cast of The Originals? (He's got to be the wolf protecting Hayley, right?)