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The Vampire Diaries 5x9: The Cell

In which Amanda learns a Very Important Lesson (tm) about forgiveness trumping revenge.  And also gettin' yourself a little some-some.

The Vampire Diaries 5x9: The Cell

Last week we became privy to some information about Damon that he had never shared previously.  Mainly that he was a prisoner for five years in which he was tortured in a variety of different ways by sadists in the name of science. “Why Amanda, that’s a BIT odd that he never shared this information before”, you say?  I would agree, but stay tuned!

We open with a flashback to Damon being lured back to the family manor in 1953. Yes, he looks a bit like Danny Zuko. Someone in the family sold him out to a certain Dr. Whitmore (as in, Whitmore College) and before you know it Damon finds himself in an underground cell. Much like he’s found himself AGAIN in the present day, thanks to the Evil Professor SnugJumper. (I KNEW he was evil, I just KNEW it.)

Katherine is journaling about her feelings. I’ll let that sink in for a minute.  And yes, it’s hilarious, and yes, she’s doing it because Stefan is trying to help her win back her will to live.  She totally calls him on all of his projecting nonsense because it’s SUPER obvious that he’d much rather focus on Katherine than deal with his own PTSD about being locked in an underwater safe and dying repeatedly for three months. Katherine calls in back-up and Caroline arrives - with the SAFE.

I know, I KNOW, I wish they would make you a character I gave a crap about TOO.

Elena is trying to find Damon and so tracks down Aaron to see if he knows where his (Evil) uncle is.  Let me summarize this because Aaron is a bit of a snorefest - Aaron is actually Aaron Whitmore, Elena shares her theory about Megan and Jesse being murdered (duh, YOU murdered Jesse, Elena) and how his dodgy uncle signed Megan’s death certificate. They roll up to Whitmore House and the Evil Professor stabs Elena with vervane and Aaron is all WHAAAAAT.  Evil Uncle SnugJumper confesses that he actually studies vampires and that Aaron’s parents were (duh) killed by vampires.  He then proves his doucebaggery by SHOWING AARON PHOTOS OF HIS MURDERED PARENTS.  Aaron punches him in the face. I fist-pump.

Elena is in the cell next to Damon. He tells her that he’s been there before and we’re treated to a torture flashback that would make American Horror Story proud. (Sure, just cut out sections of his eyes, no problem!)  The story is that Damon was there for five long years and in that time made a friend in his fellow prisoner, Enzo, who had been there for ten years.  They plot and revenge with Enzo helping Damon to keep his humanity on, because apparently humans are better at revenge than unhinged vampires. Sure. They discuss their loves (for Damon, Katherine, and for Enzo some lass named Maggie who worked for Dr. Whitmore until she discovered his tortuous methods and left instead of freeing the vampires. Sure.) and plot their escape. Every year Dr. Whitmore would have the Augustinians over for a bit of Vampire Show-and-Tell to show what amazing leaps he’s making in the name of science.  Enzo and Damon decide to let Damon have both of their blood rations for a full year, getting stronger and stronger, and attacking at the next Show-and-Tell. I’m having a bit of a hard time believing that the doctors wouldn’t notice how weak Enzo was getting and how slowly he was healing due to his starvation but hey, I’m just here for the ride. Damon attacks the doctor once let out of his cage and proceeds to feed on the other guests.  A candlestick is knocked over and flames spread.  Damon can’t get Enzo out of the cage in time so he chooses to switch off his humanity and save himself.  Old School Damon. I sort of miss you sometimes.

If it's all in the name of science then it's not torture! Hurrah!

Elena is taking this all in when Aaron shows up with a gun, freaking out. He’s about ready to shoot Elena when Damon pipes up with, “Oh yeah, I totes killed your parents, and also - I killed your aunt THREE MONTHS AGO because I made this pact with myself that I would kill off every generation of Whitmores save ONE for what your family did to me.”

Whoa, you guys, I was not expecting this. By the look of horror on Elena’s face, she wasn’t either. Damon basically took a roadtrip to go and murder an innocent woman.  Dammit, Damon! I was sticking up for your ass all over the place last week when Caroline was getting all high and mighty. STOP PROVING CAROLINE RIGHT.

Meanwhile, Katherine and Caroline are still trying to help Stefan so of course he’s INSIDE the safe. And sweating. A lot.  They realize it’s not working and that Stefan’s heavily motivated by helping others SO...Katherine gets into the safe. Hehe. He’s all like, “I will kill you, blah blah blah” and she breaks it on down for him about how his real problem isn’t the safe, it’s him focusing on the safe in order to avoid his REAL ONGOING trauma of Damon and Elena being together. She’s like, “Why are you still in Mystic Falls? So you can watch them be together and be happy all the live-long day? Uh, no.”

And then things get a bit...smoochy. Almost! But you better believe once they’re out of that safe and standing by a well-lit fire that it is ON.  So much so that Caroline can hear them bumping and grinding and the look on her face is the highlight of the episode. 

The moral of the story, kids, is that when dealing with your pain it’s better to move forward than stay mired in the past because then you end up killing innocent people and pissing off your girlfriend.

Also, Elena is on the operating table next to Nefarious Professor TightSweater and looks over to see...Enzo! On the other table. Hmm, I wonder if he totes still wants to have BFF charms with Damon. 

That moment when you realize the guy who saved your BF and also left him to burn to death is right next to you. Derp.

Moments of Hilarity -

“How I got this amazing body has nothing to do with science.” - Damon

“Your loss. He’s great in bed.” - Katherine to Caroline

“You’re Stefan Salvatore. Suck it up.” - Katherine

“Great. Mini-Wes.” - Damon to Aaron

Amanda Reid's photo About the Author: Amanda R. is an East Coast girl living in California who will never stop missing a true autumn. She's a bookseller who specializes in kid and teen lit, the leader of FYA Oakland, and bakes a damn fine pie.