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The GILMORE GIRLS Rewatch Project: Christopher’s Back

And Sherry suuuuuuucks. Plus, introducing the Life and Death Brigade!

The GILMORE GIRLS Rewatch Project: Christopher’s Back

Follow along the whole rewatch here!

Last week, on Gilmore Girls...

Last week we had a super heated discussion in the comment section with both Pro-Logan and Anti-Logan camps weighing in, and we got up to nearly 80 comments that have since disappeared because I accidentally monkeyed with the URL title. My apologies! But your insights were heard and appreciated, and I look forward to further debate in the future.

So let's move on, but first! A reminder of our drinking game rules:

The Gilmore Girls Drinking Game Rules

Drink once every time:

Lorelai or Rory drinks coffee.

Emily gets flustered by Lorelai's bizarre sense of humor.

Sookie is controlling about food.

Paris is controlling about anything.

Michel snubs a customer.

Luke is crotchety.

Taylor has an absurd scheme for Stars Hollow.

The girls acquire massive amounts of food and then fail to take even one bite.


Drink twice every time:

Kirk has a new job.

You see a town troubadour.

Emily gets a new maid.

Onto the episodes!

5.05 "We Got Us A Pippi Virgin"

Things are still weird between Lorelai and Dean, but to her credit, she doesn't want them to be. So she shanghais Dean, Rory and Luke into a double date, and tries to recapture the Dean Glory Days with an outing to the Black & White & Read Movie Theater. The screening's supposed to be Cool Hand Luke, but as Kirk (drink!) tells them, the first reel has been destroyed, so they end up watching The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking instead. Our gals are not disappointed to hear it: 

Things are going ...okay, with Lorelai trying her hardest to reinstate some of the old banter and cozy routine with Dean, but Luke is hella crotchety all night (drink!). Finally, back at the house, Lorelai brings out the Bop-It to rescue the evening, but Luke and Dean get crazy competitive over the game and finally Dean storms off. Rory scolds Luke then leaves, and Luke feels guilty for ruining the evening. But he also tells Lorelai what we've all been thinking: Dean isn't good enough for Rory. He's proven himself to be a screw-up and a selfish one at that, and while I feel bad for him in some ways, and I hate how awkward Luke makes the evening for Lorelai and Rory, the guy's not saying anything that we haven't all said around here a couple hundred times. Although he adds that Rory is like Pippi, strong and independent and special, and it's SO CUTE because he clearly really enjoyed watching Pippi Longstocking for the first time tonight. 

Meanwhile, things thaw slightly with Emily and Richard, but it has to get a little crazy first. For instance, Emily has purchased a panic room - with the super secret security code of 11111 - because she's now a single woman living alone. Rory keeps trying to Parent Trap her grandfolks because she's so sweetly fretful that they've separated, but Emily's still angry about Richard going out at night. Under the pretense of looking for gin for Lorelai's martini, she forces the girls to help her snoop in the poolhouse, where she finds a sparkly vest and LOSES HER MIND, convinced he's up to some sort of nebulous, sequined nefariousness. When Lorelai hears from Richard that he's joined a barbershop quartet - thus the late nights and sparkly vests - she convinces him to tell Emily. He does, and she looks relieved, and they share their warmest exchange in months. 

Finally, Lane's being driven batty because Zach still hasn't acknowledged her announcement of last week. He's acting like nothing happened, so she finally tells him that she takes it back - she doesn't have feelings for him. Later, Zach finds her at Luke's and tells her he has something to say. I love this scene: 

Lane very solemnly tells him that she understands, and then allows herself a sneaky smile. Oh man. Okay, he may be no Dave Rygalski, but Zach's pretty great. And it's not fair to compare every man to Dave Rygalski! So few men could compete. Pacey Witter. Mr. Darcy. POSSIBLY President Obama. But that's it.

How many times do I have to drink?

16.

How many cups of coffee do the Gilmore girls drink?

5.

Flirtation quota:

Lorelai and Luke are still pretty damn cute together, with lots of jokes about tipping being inappropriate now that they're doin' it. Also, he brings her and Rory a grapefruit to go with all of their junkfood, and it's just so adorably optimistic of him. 

Dean and Rory are pretty much wet blankets 24/7, even when they're alone together.

Best/most dated pop culture reference:

When Emily shows Lorelai and Rory the panic room, they both separately ask - to her befuddlement - "Like Jodie Foster?"

Sookie's best dish of the episode:

She's always got some crazy feast brewing in that beautiful Dragonfly kitchen!

Lorelai's craziest outfit:

We don't actually see this outfit, but we hear about it, as Rory says she's never seen Emily so obsessed with a piece of clothing and Lorelai replies, "Not since I wore my 'Gas, Grass or Ass - No One Rides For Free' t-shirt to the Junior League spring tea."

Outfit MVP:

I really like this little bolero cardigan over the floral dress - very flattering. 

Kirk insanity:

He and Lulu are macking SO HARD during Pippi, which he dubs "a great makeout movie." Get it, Kirk! Get yours.

Michel madness:

Nope.

Best Gilmore Gal witticism:

When Lorelai suggests that maybe Richard's vest is from the old days, Emily snaps, "Our days never included Richard dressing up like that gay fellow whose tiger tried to eat him!"

Random observation:

The Jackson as Selectman storyline is still a thing. I still don't have the energy to write about it.

5.06 "Norman Mailer, I'm Pregnant!"

Norman Mailer (and son Stephen Mailer, playing a journalist) are spending every afternoon in the Dragonfly dining room, drinking bucketloads of iced tea and never ordering food, which of course Sookie finds infuriating. When the Dragonfly accountant tells them they're doing great but should probably cut out lunch temporarily until they can get their numbers up, Sookie goes so crazy I can't even handle it. It's a really irritating storyline, actually, as she grows increasingly nuts and eventually assaults Norman Mailer, then realizes she's pregnant and that's why she's been such a basketcase. She seems happy she's pregnant, even though she has a brand new business, a toddler and a husband who just became Town Selectman, so mazel tov I guess?

Paris and Rory have been assigned their sophomore year beats at the Yale paper, and Paris is working the religion beat while Rory takes features. Paris immediate alienates and terrifies every religious leader in New England, to Doyle's delight (!). Rory's having a little trouble deciding what her first feature will be, when she stumbles on the trail of a Yale secret society called The Life and Death Brigade. She soon realizes that Logan - who, it turns out, is also on the newspaper staff, at his father's behest - must be in the Brigade, and she tries to hard-sell him into 'fessing up. At first he's not budging, but then he IMs her in the newsroom, telling her that if she agrees to an arrangement with his conditions, he'll give her the scoop. She agrees - and looks more than a little intrigued by the story and by Logan himself. 

Finally, Lorelai gets a phone call out of the clear blue from Christopher, who is cracking because he can't get Gigi to stop crying. Yes, Christopher. How long's it been? Oh yeah, it's been since the middle of Season Three, when Gigi was born. The creep got a new kid and then disappeared, not even showing up for Rory's graduation. Well, now he finally calls because he needs something, although to be fair, he apologizes for exactly that, acknowledging that it's crummy behavior. But nowhere near as crummy as Sherry, who got a job offer in Paris and split on Christopher and Gigi. DAMN, Sherry's cold! So Chris is a mess, convinced he can't raise a kid by himself, and the fact that he's saying this to Lorelai of all people is maddening, since she was SIXTEEN when she raised a kid on her own. He says that's different, because she's amazing, and when she calms him down and cleans up his house and orders food and takes care of Gigi, all with that patented Lorelai Gilmore charm and grace, it's hard to argue with him.

She tells Rory all of this later, so Rory goes to Christopher's house to tell him to leave Lorelai alone. "Mom’s in a relationship now, and she’s doing really great. He’s kind, and, well, he’s there. And she’s happy. You’ll mess it up! You’ll mess everything up! Because every time you come back, it always ends up the same way: Mom’s crying and you’re not being there and I know it’s not your fault, I know you don’t mean it to be that way, but that’s how it is. Next time you need help, call a nanny, or a babysitter, or call me. Just leave Mom alone. I’m sorry, I have to go. Kiss Gigi for me." BRRR. Go Rory! 

How many times do I have to drink?

This is a major rule episode: 22!

How many cups of coffee do the Gilmore girls drink?

6.

Flirtation quota:

The ep has a great opening scene as Luke goes to pick Lorelai up for a date, and she's so scattered, getting her socks out of the oven and leaving her car lights on and the keys in the door and a hundred other things, and he just says, "I can never pick you up here again." God, they are perfect for each other. When Rory is later on the phone with Lorelai and hears her cackling at Luke bonking his head while trying to fix her oven, Rory says, "Mom, you sound happy." Lorelai: "I am, kid." TEARS. 

Rory and Dean never see each other any more, and meanwhile, Logan's coining the infamous "Ace" nickname and this is happening: 

Best/most dated pop culture reference:

Sookie, mid-meltdown: "All I know is when Billy Joel came in to the Independence Inn he would pack it away. Appetizers! Main course! Two, three desserts! That was a man that knew how to eat! And he was almost able to hide it."

Sookie's best dish of the episode:

She's making pork tenderloin and an ocean's worth of iced tea - and a planet's worth of crazy. I miss sweet, fun, smart, sane Sookie.

Lorelai's craziest outfit:

Oh Lorelai. 

Outfit MVP:

Look at this flirty little miniskirt, with the bare legs and the heels! Smokin' hot, Rory.

Kirk insanity:

When trying to drum up lunch business on Sookie's orders, this happens: 

Michel madness:

When Lorelai asks him to take over during her flowery description of a nature hike to a couple of Dragonfly guests, he immediately starts discussing the snakes, spiders, poison ivy and "semi-polluted brook."

Best Gilmore Gal witticism:

Chris, rambling: "Crying, screaming. She’s not hot, there’s no fever, and I can’t get her to eat." Lorelai: "We’re talking about Gigi, right?" Chris: "Yes!" Lorelai: "Okay, because you know, Sherry’s really thin."

Random observation:

I generally like Chris, I really do. I think he and Lorelai have a great history and dynamic. But we - and we can only assume that means Lorelai and Rory - haven't seen him in a year and a half, and he's missed out on huge life moments for both of the girls. Still, I feel AWFUL for him. Mostly I feel awful for Gigi, though, because we learn that before Sherry took off, Chris was never around to help her take care of Gigi. Both of Gigi's parents suck. 

--

Well, that about covers it for this week! Meet us back here next Wednesday morning as we tackle "You Jump, I Jump, Jack" and "The Party's Over."

And I leave you with a question, dear FYA readers: was Rory too hard on Chris? Was Luke too hard on Dean? They both came off a little cold, but I can't say I disagree with either of them. 

Meredith Borders's photo About the Author: Meredith is the Editorial Director of BIRTH.MOVIES.DEATH. and the Alamo Drafthouse, and the Social Media Director for Fantastic Fest.
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