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The Vampire Diaries 5x11: 500 Years of Solitude

Happy 100th episode! That sound you heard tonight? Was all the mics being dropped ROUND THE WORLD.

The Vampire Diaries 5x11: 500 Years of Solitude

I DO NOT EVEN KNOW HOW TO BEGIN RECAPPING THIS EPISODE.

Ok. I’ve gotten that off my chest. Let’s begin.

When last we saw Katherine she was at the bottom of a flight of stairs and hadn’t even been pushed.  Now we see that she’s in the hospital, fighting to stay alive, and she’s also dreaming of when she gave birth to Nadia, who was taken from her before she could even hold her.  She comes back from frontlining because this IS Katherine Pierce we’re talking about here, and we see Stefan tell Nadia that she has at the most a day to live.

Oh yes. The break-up. I’m still incredibly annoyed at Damon for this. There’s only room for ONE selfless martyr on this show, sir, and Stefan Salvatore does not share those pants. Elena is back in her dorm, Damon is passed out at the Grill. Did I mention it’s the morning? Oh to be able to get shitfaced with Damon. It’s a dream I have.  Bonnie and Caroline roll up as the BFF Brigade with Breakup Breakfast for Elena. Caroline’s attention to detail is what makes her such a good friend. Also a pain in the ass. But mostly a good friend.

Matt and Jeremy find Damon at the bottom of a bottle of bourbon. They get him back to Chez Salvatore where they proceed to invent the best drinking game in the history of alcohol: Drink To All the times Katherine Has Ruined Your Life! There is a lot of competition here. Dead siblings, dead aunts, having someone pine after you for 200 years only to skip out, feeding you to a psychopathic entombed immortal which then kills you - there is a lot to work with here. Honestly, they could make it into a bingo card.

Elena returns.  Awkward silence ensues.

...awkward….silence.

Still, she joins in the reminiscing by adding identity theft. Bonnie adds the death of her Grams. Caroline adds in the triggering of Tyler’s werewolf curse. Elena reminds everyone that Katherine is the reason Klaus even came to Mystic Falls in the first place and at that point you all might as well pack it in for the night because you’re going to need to finish the whole damn bottle. ESPECIALLY after Damon lets it slip that Stefan and Katherine were riding the hobby horse.  Sorry Elena - you don’t get to feel ANY kind of way about that. Caroline, keep freaking out. You’re so good at it! Wait til the next scene when you find out about Bonnie and Jeremy!

See this fine vanilla latte next to me with the terrible hair? TOTALLY HITTING THAT.

(I believe there was also mention of her being responsible for the burning of ATLANTA.  Katherine Pierce - Original Gangsta.)

Nadia is determined to keep her mother alive and so OF COURSE knocks out Matt, puts him in Stefan’s old safe and hides him in the woods.  She is DEFINITELY Katherine’s daughter, y’all.  She tells them that she needs Elena and Stefan as the price for the gypsies helping her transfer Katherine to her own body. 

Katherine is asleep/dying upstairs at Chez Salvatore and she’s weak enough that Damon can get in her head. To say he still holds a grudge against her is an understatement. He blames her for every bad thing he ever did.  Stretching it a BIT but sure, I’ll go with it. He pulls her into the memory of when she discovered her dead family after running away from Klaus. Damon doesn’t play softball, folks.

Caroline is in the woods looking for Matt and HOLY MOSES. KLAUS IS HERE YOU GUYS.  I seriously had to pause the TV to catch my breath…! She gets all snarky and annoyed and tries to get away from him (OH CAROLINE, you silly, silly MOO!) but Klaus is just too damn suave. I know he’s crazy and needy and manipulative but JESUS. He’s like, Sure, I’m here because I heard that Katherine is dying and I want to get in one last dig, and Caroline isn’t having it.  She’s over revenge. It ruined her relationship with Tyler and so she’s not trying to hear any of this dastardly dastardliness from Klaus. He comes back with, Ok, I want your confession. I will leave forever and not return if you just admit how you feel about me.  Caroline gets her panties in SUCH a wad and she blurts out all the stuff she tells herself, about how she’s in college and she has a PLAN and a LIFE and none of it involves KLAUS and then they start having crazy sex against a tree.

I thought I was going to need a defibrillator.

ANYWAY.

Meanwhile Stefan and Elena are getting bled by the gypsies, who are HELLA chanting and they have no idea why. They can’t get away, their rings don’t work so they have to stay there as their doppelganger blood is collected. BUT FOR WHAT PURPOSE.

In Katherine’s foggy, drug-induced addled brain we see her first memory of Stefan. Turns out she was on our way to stay at the Lockwood Plantation (the fanfic world must have exploded with possibility at this revelation) but saw Stefan on the side of the road and felt drawn to him.  So begins her life with the Salvatore brothers.  Damon sees all of this in her head and is convinced more than ever that he’s not meant to be with Elena.

Just in case y’all were judging Caroline for having hot woodsy sex with Klaus while her friend is encased in a safe somewhere, fear not! Klaus assures her that he’s found him and left him in good hands.  YES, IT’S REBEKAH’S HANDS HE’S REFERRING TO.  The smile that is shared between Matt and Rebekah when she finds him lights up the WORLD.

Katherine is having mad hallucinations, courtesy of Vengeful Damon, and sees Jenna stabbing her, John cutting off her fingers and then...Elijah. ELIJAH. She believes he’s there to say goodbye to her, only she doesn’t realize the depths of Damon’s anger because he only invoked Elijah’s image to remind her just how alone she is. While she’s dying. Alone. (Kinda messed up, Damon but still, I respect your style.)  Nadia shows up to do the ritual with her gypsy pal Mia and so snaps Damon’s neck. Hehe, what goes around comes around because God knows Damon has snapped just about everyone’s neck in Mystic Falls and then some. Katherine resists, she doesn’t want to reside in her daughter’s body. She wants her daughter to live. THIS is the most selfless you will ever see Katherine Pierce. Roll around in it.

Stefan comes to visit Katherine, to say goodbye.  I am hit by the juxtaposition of the two brothers here.  All Damon wants is to project his pain and his hurt onto Katherine, to blame her for the way his life has unfolded.  Stefan only wants Katherine to feel at peace. He takes her to that same memory of her dead family but stands with her as he makes them all disappear.  She is convinced that she doesn’t deserve to feel loved but Stefan tells her that she was only 17 and that her family’s deaths were not her fault.  Her last memory is off baby Nadia in the crib as she goes to hold her.  Elena comes in to sit with Katherine during her final moments. (SPOILER - DON’T GET COMFY, ELENA.)

Later when Stefan and Damon are sitting outside together Stefan tells him that he needs to fix things with Elena. Damon is determined not to get in the way of the Doppelganger Fate Thingy and that Elena is better off without him, blah blah blah. (Guess what? She’s totally capable of making that decision for herself! Sheesh.)

Caroline comes back and has leaves in her hair. BAHAHAHA.  The gang’s mostly there (I feel a group photo coming on) and Bonnie talks a bit about anticipating Katherine passing over, since she’s the Anchor now.  Matt asks her about her new ability and up pops Vicki. She wants Matt to know she loves him and watches over him.  Tyler shows up FOR REAL, courtesy of Rebekah, and Caroline’s face is FANTASTIC. What you gonna do now, girl HUH? And then ALARIC is there, Jeremy can see him and tells Damon that he says he’s a dick. AWWW. I AM OVERWHELMED WITH FEELINGS.

Katherine wakes up AFTER her heart stopped.  Like I said, O.G.  She tells Elena she has unfinished business with her. Elena stops her to say that she forgives her, which is how Elena Gilbert rolls.  Katherine is visibly moved and thanks her for her forgiveness.  What she does AFTER that is grab Elena, chant in Czech and ENTER HER BODY.

GODDAMMIT KATHERINE PIERCE YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL MONSTER.

And then she’s perfecting her “Elena” in the mirror and seriously, just go and drop all the mics.

You get ALL the cake, Nina. ALL OF IT.

Moments of Hilarity:

"Who spends two years pining after someone to dump them??" - Matt
"I can hear you, you dumbass.” - Damon

“You memorized my breakup?” - Elena
“Of course I did.” - Caroline

“I hear you two broke up.” - Klaus
“I literally just WHOOSHED at the sight of you.” - Caroline

Moments of Heart-Wrenching:

“Every awful thing I’ve ever done is linked to her...She ruined me.” - Damon
“Think about how much control she still has over you. Prove her wrong.” - Sheriff Forbes

“I should have fought harder to keep you and I didn’t...Don’t waste another minute on me. Live your life.” - Katherine to Nadia

“I came to say goodbye.” - Stefan to Katherine

“You deserve to feel at peace. None of this was your fault.” - Stefan to Katherine

YOU GUYS - DISH WITH ME.  I really thought Katherine was going to die! It was kind of perfect, everything tied up, amends made, goodbyes said, 100th episode and all and BOOM.

Amanda Reid's photo About the Author: Amanda R. is an East Coast girl living in California who will never stop missing a true autumn. She's a bookseller who specializes in kid and teen lit, the leader of FYA Oakland, and bakes a damn fine pie.