I know, I know, it's been a while since I analyzed the first four episodes of Season Three, but I meant what I said, y'all. I'm trying to take this final season of Dance Academy SLOW. Because as soon as I finish watching the series finale, LIFE WILL BE MEANINGLESS.
Now, before I get too depressed thinking about it, let's dive in to the next four episodes!
3x5: Negative Patterns
Backstage (What happened on the episode)
- Ollie set up a music video shoot with Abigail, Kat and some other dancers, including Christian, who unknowingly stoked the fires of Ollie's jealousy by offering up choreography suggestions. But Christian's special treatment by Zach (which was part of the cause of Ollie's envy) came to an end after Christian bailed on the video project, which was supposed to go towards making up his hours. In other news, Ollie, your parents are paying for you to make music videos. STOP BEING A JERK TO EVERYONE.
- Grace, assuming she would get the potentially open spot in the company, goes psycho when she finds out that the position is no longer available. So she does what Crazy Grace does best -- she sabotages everyone's costumes with Tara's hot muscle cream.
- Miss Raine and Marcus got engaged!!! He's no Scott Hastings, but he'll do.
- Saskia manages to set up a Company audition for Ben with Sir Jeffrey during a performance, but then Ben drops Saskia (I HOPE THAT HURT, BISH) and Tara glides on stage to take her place. Obviously, this is a big no-no, so Sir Jeffrey kicks the two out of their fill-in Company roles. But neither of them care, because they're too busy holding hands and GETTING BACK TOGETHER. Suck it, Saskia.
Key Solo (MVP of the episode)
Tara! While she was a preeeetty terrible girlfriend to Ben in the past, she redeemed herself with the incredibly ballsy decision to save him on stage. How great was the Benster's smile when he realized what she was doing? I LOVE YOU BEN! I'm sure Tara will soon return to treating him like crap, so let's all savor this moment while we can.
Bravura (Favorite moments)
- Miss Raine's little kitten! Courtesy of Marcus! To quote Cher, "Old people are so sweet!"
- "Bulimia humor. LOL." - Abigail's response to Kat jokingly telling Tara, "If I see your pretty face between now and then, I'm going to vomit just on principle."
- While I felt bad for Ben, I was OVERJOYED when he dropped Saskia. Let us pray that her back is now broken.
Sprained Ankle (Worst development)
- Christian, GET YOUR SHIZZ TOGETHER. Seriously, dude, when Zach gives up on you, you know you've effed up.
3x6: Fake It Until You Make It
- Abigail narrated this episode, so of course, it was AWESOME.
- Wes Cooper, a smokin' hot choreographer, arrives to create a solo piece for the upcoming academy tour, and he turns out to be Ethan's flatmate... and Abigail's summer fling WHAT!!! Go on girl, GET IT. But Abigail's feeling too guilty over "forgetting" Sammy, so she can't even enjoy it when Wes, determined to give Abigail the solo, accepts her dare and does Riverdance, shirtless, while singing "She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain" in Spanish. She stops him by telling him about Sammy, and NOW I'M CRYING AGAIN.
- The cast list for Romeo and Juliet is posted, with the lead roles going to Grace and Ben. Since Abigail only has a small part, she decides to audition for a role in a dance movie (!) being filmed at the school, but unfortunately, the director is more interested in Kat, who merely came along to help Abigail with her lines. I feel bad for my girl, but Kat's equally in need of a boost, because it looks like she definitely won't be graduating with the third years.
- Grace's mom also danced the role of Juliet, so she's all blah blah blah my mom blah blah NO ONE CARES, CRAZY. Well, except for Ben, who is WAY too nice to her. If they end up getting together, I will BURN THE ACADEMY TO THE GROUND.
- Ben and Tara go on a bowling date, but Crazy Grace decides to sabotage it by showing up with Christian in tow. Worst. Double Date. Ever.
- Ollie is crushing on the super fine lead of the film, Rhys O'Leary, and the feeling seems to be mutual.
Abigail! While I hate to see her in pain, she was incredible in this episode, especially in that last scene with Wes. (CUE THE FLOODWORKS.) I mean, the fact that she wasn't the least bit tempted by Wes' six pack proves that she reeeeeally loved Sammy.
- "If you're applying for the role of sassy gay best friend, I'm not recruiting." Abigail, after Ollie asks her what's up with Wes Cooper.
- And obviously, this:
- UGH I cannot believe Grace got Juliet, so now she and Ben have to spend hours and hours of time together performing an incredibly intimate, highly romantic dance. Pass me the eye bleach, please.
- In spite of the fact that Grace does the voiceover, this episode might be my favorite thus far of the season. Tour hijinks! Naked running! Spin the Bottle! Kat's '80s dance movie! A Center Stage reference! This episode had it ALL.
- The third years have hit the road for their Romeo & Juliet performances, and their current stop is a town famous for the tour's annual naked run. The night before the show, everyone stays up late in Grace's room playing Pash or Dare, which is an awesome combo of Truth or Dare and Spin the Bottle. Grace, Christian and Ben take part in the naked run the next morning, but Grace gets caught after trying to save Ben (THEY CANNOT GET TOGETHER), she's sent home. PEACE OUT CRAZY. Unfortunately, Ben still doesn't win the race, so he loses his bet with Christian, who gets to dance as Romeo in the next show.
- Kat starts filming her movie, and she's not exactly a natural on set. (Although she totally rocks her '80s ensemble.) She gets into a little tiff with Jamie, the director's assistant, and in light of his unfortunate ponytail, I'm really hoping the writers don't have plans to get them together.
I can't believe I'm about to say this but... Grace? I mean, she talked the motel owner into letting the group stay there in spite of past indiscretions, she stole a huge trout AND was the only girl to run naked, and she pretty much sacrificed herself for Ben.
Not that we're going to be besties or anything. Girlfriend is still certifiable.
- Ben, Ollie and Christian raising their fists and shouting, "Viva la tour!" while peeing on the side of the road.
- "The whole '80s plot sounds so lame. I mean, it's hardly going to be Center Stage." - One of the second years talking about the dance movie.
- Rhys' performance as the "bad boy," which involves throwing lots of things that keep hitting an unsuspecting member of the crew. This scene was every cliché of bad boy dancers (Kevin Bacon, Channing Tatum, etc.) and I LOVED IT.
- The entirety of Pash or Dare, especially when Ben took the photo with a sleeping Zach, when Abigail tried to make Wes jealous and when Grace stole the fish.
I'm gonna channel my inner Sassy Gay Best Friend and ask Christian, "What are you doing? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Dude, WHY must you toy with Tara's heart? She's with Ben! Stop doing shizz like comparing you and her to Romeo and Juliet. Because guess what? IT DIDN'T END WELL FOR THOSE TWO.
3x8: Traveling Light
- Melina Marchetta wrote this episode, so you know it's good.
- Tara, troubled by the fact that she seems to have more chemistry when dancing with Christian rather than Ben, concludes that the most obvious course of action is to sleep with Ben. Never mind the fact that we NEVER see the two of them kiss. After their hilarious and completely unromantic attempt is a bust, Ben keeps the genius ideas comin' by deciding to read Tara's journal. (Sidenote: Why the eff is Tara writing in the book that Saskia gave her? BURN THAT SHIZZ GIRL. Its pages are lined with EVIL.) Surprise, surprise, he finds Christian's name pop up over and over again, so he and Tara duke it out right before they participate in an Indigenous cleansing ceremony. Afterwards, he calls Tara, who doesn't pick up, and leaves her a heartbreakingly sweet message while gazing out at a glorious canyon: "It's like you, in a place. It's beautiful." Aaaand just to twist the knife in a LITTLE deeper, Christian shows up at Tara's door and elicits this tear-filled confession: "I keep thinking, when is this going to stop? Because I want so much to be rid of you." ALL OF THE FEELS, Y'ALL. Marchetta, you are a master.
- On top of that, Abigail makes me cry (again) by talking about Sammy with Wes. "I loved him like I love ballet. And they both just smashed me apart." But ultimately, she realizes she has to keep living, even with Sammy gone, and even with a company that might not want her. And by living, I mean dancing and kissing hot dudes.
- Exhausted by the pace of the film shoot, Kat finds herself with a dance double: Grace. OF COURSE IT'S GRACE. UGH.
- This is apropos of nothing but does anyone else think it's weird that these kids only have, like, 10 contacts in their phone?
I hate to be predictable but... Abigail. Sure, she was mean to some kids, but at least she wasn't an idiot like Tara or Ben, and, unlike Kat, she really confronted her issues and tried to work (or dance) through them. Plus her dance in front of that canyon was straight up GORGE. (See what I did there?)
- So. Much. Shirtlessness.
- It was soooo cute to watch the third years teach dance to little ones. I especially loved this exchange between Abigail, this little girl and her sister:
Abigail: "You're very short, aren't you?"
Sister: "She's four."
- This scene, obviously.
Note to Tara: This is appropriate foreplay.
- I can't decide how I feel about this Christian and Tara thing. I mean, I guess I want them to be together? But Christian's been acting like such a jerk lately. He's totally being a Jess to Tara's Rory, but that's not even a fair comparison, because Tara is NOT using her brains.
- Grace, stop trying to steal the spotlight from Kat! I do take some comfort in the fact that movie audiences will at least never have to see Grace's face on the screen.
So! What did y'all think about ALL OF THE JUICY DRAMZ? Are you rooting for Christian and Tara? Are you super stoked that Abigail got herself a hot new boyfriend? Do you hate Jamie's ponytail as much as I do? Sound off in the comments!