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Title: The Vampire Diaries S5.E21 “Promised Land”
Released: 2014

Previously: Elena and Stefan were Doppel-napped by the Travelers who want to use their blood to undo ALL witch magic (including vampirism, UH OH), Julian has fully taken over Tyler’s body, Damon promised Ghost Enzo that he would figure out a way to bring him back in return for not killing them, and The Other Side is being pulled apart by the magic used to bring Marcos back! Also, Elena and Damon shared a very hot, very overdue kiss.


You know, I sort of feel like any episode that opens with Damon Salvatore bantering with a hostage is destined to be pretty great. This hostage turns out to be an unsuspecting bank employee who’s got a Traveler riding sidesaddle and Damon is using him to find Stefan and Elena. Caroline is sort of appalled that the man who helped her open her first checking account is tied up in Damon’s living room but you know, it’s Damon, what does she expect? She’s been trying to contact Liv and Luke and they’re not answering.

Just Damon being his adorable scoundrel self by stabbing his hostage in the leg with a fork, aka Any Day Ending in Y.

Elena and Stefan are being bled out by Marcos, who is kind enough to keep feeding them more blood so that they can give him MORE Magical Doppelganger Blood. Ugh. Elena’s not having it and spits in his face. I raise my eyebrow in approval. Someone releases Stefan so he and Elena manage to escape. (This seems a bit too easy, don’t you think?) They’re quite weak and can’t speed-walk back to Mystic Falls so Stefan has to call Damon COLLECT. It’s hilarious. Also, Elena is struggling with the Squirrel-Killing Slingshot they’ve managed to fashion and this is also rather funny. Hey, needs must when you’re a thirsty vampire trying not to kill humans.

Ghost Enzo isn’t going to let Damon forget his promise and so gets a bit stabby. Hehe. He enlists Bonnie in order to talk to Enzo as he’s being rather destructive with all of Damon’s drinkware and we simply CAN NOT have that! Damon’s all like, Don’t worry, Bonnie can just include you in Liv’s spell to stop The Other Side from crumbling! Bonnie crinkles her brow because she knows there ISN’T a spell and still hasn’t told anyone.

Stefan and Elena are trying to hitchhike home, and failing miserably. They wish that Caroline with her Relentless Positivity and Enthusiasm was there to make their day a bit brighter and it’s really sweet. Elena also starts talking some bullshit about how the fact that her blood is toxic to Damon is obviously another reason that they shouldn’t be together. Girl you are really reachin’, you know that? Stefan isn’t taking any of her baloney and reminds her that he also has this toxic blood. He basically tells her to stop looking for a reason not to be with Damon and just BE with him already! He tells her in a much nicer, Stefan-y sort of way though. I think Elena might finally be getting it. Can you feel my eyeroll?

Liv and Luke’s ancestors are none too happy with them for putting their magic at risk by helping Stefan and Elena. So basically they have to kill one of them in order to keep The Travelers from using them to dismantle witch magic. That’s all kinds of shitty.

Elena decides to use the power of her cleavage to get them a ride home, when Maria (Julian’s wife) turns up in a truck. Stefan tries to compel her but she’s like, “Um hi – I’m the one who set y’all free? So get in the truck.” She doesn’t want The Traveler’s spell to work either because then her husband (currently residing in Tyler) will die.

Damon enlists Matt and Jeremy to bring up all of the sleeping Travelers from below ground and scatter them all over his house. He wants to lure Marcos in. He’s a bit annoyed that Caroline won’t let him torture Julian/Tyler for info (even though he’s actually on their side, wanting to LIVE and all).

Marcos arrives to his Cave of Sleeping Travelers only to find it empty save a note from Damon:

“FOUND – Cave of Wannabe Witches. For more information call Damon Salvatore.”

Teehee! Marcos phones Damon and agrees to meet him at Chez Salvatore.

Caroline is sort of freaking out in that way that only Caroline Forbes can and you can see that it’s visibly draining Bonnie of the will to live. She wants to figure out how to bring Tyler back into his own body and mentions Liv’s spell. Bonnie finally cracks and confesses that there is no spell and that all dead supernaturals are doomed, including herself. Ghost Enzo is none too pleased. He tells Bonnie that he’s not giving up. I mean, this man was imprisoned and tortured for over 50 years, you think he’s going to let a little thing like the Unravelling of the Afterlife get in his way?

Marcos arrives to Chez Salvatore to find all of his sleeping Travelers doused in gasoline. Way to think ahead, Damon! Although Marcos actually doesn’t care, he’s totally fine with his people just carrying on as parasites in the good people of Mystic Falls. OH SNAP. Then Marcos gets super impressed with himself as he starts waxing poetic about Pure Magic (really?) and how he’s transfused all of his blood with doppel-blood. Blood purity – super! Anyone else find it ironic that actual Travelers (Roma) were persecuted by the Nazis? No? Marcos doesn’t seem to be that bothered that Stefan and Elena escaped and is too busy touring the Salvatore wine cellar to notice Damon kicking a key under the bars of Tyler/Julian’s cell.

Anyhoo. Stefan and Elena arrive home courtesy of Maria, except that Liv and Luke pull some serious WonderTwin moves and manage to crush the truck, killing Maria. Liv’s all like, “Sorry but one of you has to die – but we really liked you!”, meanwhile Luke realizes that his magic is fading which can only mean one thing – the Traveler chanting has begun! Elena and Stefan have to run into the Grill because their Daylight Rings stop working. Matt takes them underground (oh yeah, secret tunnels! Sweet!) but Elena starts drowning as her humanity returns and Stefan’s old gunshot wound from his dad appears. OH DEAR.

Something tells me that Liv and Elena won’t be shopping for BFF charms anytime soon.

The spell also starts working its mojo on Tyler/Julian and Damon, as they lose their fangs and ability to withstand the sunlight respectively. They run away as Marcos gloats over the waking bodies of his Travelers. Shit is getting real, y’all.

Stefan and Elena are safe as the sun has gone down and Matt Donovan, White Knight, has brought them blood bags. Jeremy and Damon pull up and Elena swoops in for a kiss with Damon. Aww. They decide to split up; Matt and Jeremy going back to Mystic Falls for intel, Damon and Elena hitting the road out of town and Stefan and Caroline waiting for Bonnie.

Ghost Enzo meets Ghost Maria and tells her that the spell they used to bring back Marcos is the key to saving them but then Maria is pulled into The Void so there’s another one of Bonnie Bennett’s plans gone to shit.

While Caroline and Stefan wait for Bonnie, Tyler/Julian shows up looking for Maria. Stefan has to tell him that she didn’t survive the car crash and Julian is PISSED. Caroline tries to snap his neck but he wolfs out at her. Stefan attacks him and Julian PULLS OUT STEFAN’S HEART. One dead doppelganger is enough to make sure that The Travelers can’t undo witch magic and Julian drops the mic and rolls out. Caroline is DEVASTATED and cradles Stefan’s head in her lap. Bonnie sees Stefan before he passes over and cries as she tells him that their last hope (Maria and the spell) is gone. WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS??

Moments of Hilarity:

“Seriously? Collect calls are still a thing?” – Damon

“You have Elena participating in squirrel slaughter?” – Damon

“Gonna be a busy day for me, Stefan. Time to strap on the Hero Hair.” – Damon

“Damon’s in full Hero Mode today. He had the whole Savior of the Universe voice going on.” – Stefan

“You’re like, permanently inhabiting the former love of my life. Let’s debate levels of weird.” – Caroline to Julian

“…ragged, beaten down by the world, desperate for a hope…” – Marcos
“You just described homeless people, Asian hipsters and Matt Donovan.” – Damon

Moments of Heart-Swelling:

“I’m only going to say this once. You two are miserable without each other. So if you want to be with him then just be with him.” – Stefan to Elena


About the Contributor:

Amanda Reid is an East Coast girl living in California who will never stop missing a true autumn. She’s a bookseller who specializes in kid and teen lit, and she bakes a damn fine pie.

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This post was written by a guest writer or former contributor for Forever Young Adult.