Previously on Reign: Mary told Francis she was pregnant. Francis spoke with his dead father in a nanny’s body. Narcisse made a nuisance of himself. Mary miscarried. The Riders made nuisances of themselves.
So yes, there’s an epic conflict brewing between the two religions, but that’s no excuse to not party! If Greer goes through with this, I think I might actually have to start calling the dude by his name.
The Intrigue
- Catholics interrupt a secret Protestant service in a barn where Lord Nerd is, and set the barn on fire. When Francis receives the report, he orders the perpetrators found. He won’t tolerate the violence. It’s cute when he tries to be all manly.
- Greer is preparing for a lavish wedding, at her mother’s insistence. She seems happy and is very sweet with Lord Nerd’s youngest daughter. I wonder what tweens and very young stepmothers bonded over before Taylor Swift?
- Mary spends time with her ladies, but is obviously still emotionally fragile since the miscarriage. I would share my Oreos with her if I could.
- Pastry Boy is leading a group of men, searching the woods for the fire starters, when he sees Lord Nerd helping another man away from the scene of the fire. Pastry Boy tells him he can’t be seen there, and covers for him with the soldiers.
- Kenna catches two exceptionally indiscreet young ladies enjoying each other’s company. They got carried away due to a sex book that’s been passed around among the women at court. Naturally, Kenna confiscates the book.
- Francis is having flashbacks of that time he rid the world of King Crazypants. He speaks with the possessed nanny again. She’s been skulking around the castle, and leaving him threatening pieces of lance in his chambers.
- The Protestants come to the castle seeking justice for the attack on the barn, and the murder of one young man, who turns out to be Hot Cousin Louis’s nephew. Louis is understandably upset. Francis promises he won’t tolerate violence for any reason. But he also won’t take a stance on Protestants having a right to practice openly. Louis remains bitter about Rome’s influence and corruption.
- Kenna is avidly reading the confiscated sex journal and is curious about the identity of an especially talented bachelor detailed within the book. She thinks he’d make a perfect fling for protesting Lola. Oh God, it’s probably Narcisse, isn’t it?
- Speaking of the devil. Narcisse has rounded up the Catholic nobles to insist that Louis’s nephew was not innocent and had actually thrown a rock at a Catholic stableboy and crippled him for life.
- Catherine comes upon Kenna and Lola interrogating one of her Flying Squad to find out the identity of the mysterious “hunter” from the journal. Of course, Catherine read the journal months ago, in an hour. She wishes them luck with their search, while also alluding to her multiple lovers. I want to be Catherine when I grow up.
- Mary tells Louis that Francis refuses to bow to Narcisse and the nobles. Louis shows her that he’s been marked by The Riders. He believes they’re Catholic extremists and also to blame for his nephew’s death. He thinks they’re paid thugs, hired to incite fear and rage.
- There are more attacks in villages as the Protestants retaliate.
- Louis and Mary interrogate the Catholic prisoners that are responsible for the barn fire. One of them admits that the stable boy’s injuries were not caused by Louis’s nephew, and that his nephew was beaten to death for being a Protestant.
- Tents are set up on the for the wedding festivities. Mary’s ladies are wandering the grounds, drinking from goblets, and celebrating Greer’s last day being single. Kenna is hot, so she wades into the fountain, because she’s nothing if not a lady. Greer throws caution to the wind and jumps in too. They splash Lola, but she remains a boring stick in the mud.
- Greer goes off to change out of her drenched dress and runs into Pastry Boy. Because when else would you run into your ex? He urges her to ask Lord Nerd where he was that morning, before she marries him.
- The crazy possessed nanny makes herself at home on a throne, and Francis has her taken to the infirmary. This does not go unnoticed by Narcisse. Francis goes and argues with the nanny. She goads him into admitting that he killed King Henry, which Narcisse overhears. God, Francis. The child of Henry and Catherine doesn’t know how to get away with ONE murder? Narcisse makes it clear that he can keep the secret, as long as Francis remembers his Catholic nobles.
- Lord Nerd confesses to Greer that he’s found solace in Protestantism since his daughter’s death. Greer begs him not to convert, for the safety of all of them. He cannot promise, but still wants to marry her and for her to be his partner in all things.
- Francis finds out that Crazy Nanny was released by Narcisse. Francis confronts Narcisse, now realizing that the nanny was a hired actress, used to elicit a confession from him. Narcisse admits it, and says he also has Montgomery (the knight who supposedly killed Henry in the joust) stowed away somewhere for safekeeping/blackmail purposes. Damn, this was a long con. Narcisse expects Francis to have his men released and to make it a believable reason for Mary. Because if the country were to find out that Francis killed the king, no one would believe that Mary didn’t know about it.
- Mary had told Francis that Narcisse and his men lied about the reason Louis’s nephew was killed and he promised he’d deal with it. So she’s pretty pissed that he let Narcisse’s men go. He’s not really great at selling his reasons.
- There’s a bit of tension at the wedding, while everyone waits to see if Greer shows up to marry Lord Nerd. But she doesn’t stand him up, and arrives looking radiant, in a hilariously modern wedding gown. Poor Pastry Boy is so disappointed that he doesn’t stay for the vows.
- Lola is making conversation with the vapid Lord that Kenna believes is the “hunter” from the journal when Narcisse interrupts. He makes sure the other man knows that Lola is the mother of the new baron, which comes with the assumption that she’s also the king’s mistress, which sends him off in a hurry. Narcisse wants to get to know Lola better, because they have things in common, such as being feared by other people. Lola turns him down, due to not liking him. The fact that she says so makes me like Lola a lot more. He doesn’t see that as an impediment and tells her it’s an open invitation. As he leaves, she sees that he has the telltale birthmark of the mystery man from the sex journal.
- Greer tells Lord Nerd (who’s name is Aloysius Castleroy, for the love of all that is holy) that she married him because he stands up for his convictions and principles. They promise to protect each other. Then they dance with his four (FOUR) children. Damn, Greer. Good thing he’s rich.
- Mary can’t understand why Francis didn’t hold Narcisse’s men responsible and demands to know why he can’t talk to her. Francis keeps insisting there are things he cannot tell her. Mary jumps to the conclusion that he’s worried that she can’t produce an heir for him. He seizes on that and agrees, so that she’ll stop questioning him. Of course, Mary finds this incredibly upsetting. Wow, Francis. You are officially the worst.
History According to Reign
- Mary and Hot Cousin Louis spend a lot of time in highly unlikely private conversations. Can you blame the girl? But why does Mary even have ladies-in-waiting if they never accompany her anywhere?
- Greer’s wedding dress is improbable in many ways. Wealthy brides typically wore heavy brocade gowns, in dark colors. Mary’s wedding dress, chosen simply because white was her favorite color, would have been a shocking choice at the time, as white was a mourning color for royalty. White wedding dresses didn’t become fashionable until the Victorian era.
Number of Times I Forgot I Wasn’t Watching Gossip Girl: 2
1. “I do not judge your predilections. In fact, I’m rather impressed. But doing it out here in the open?” Who knew there was anyone that needed to learn discretion from Kenna?
2. Mary’s sequined dress she dons for Greer’s wedding, appears to have gold tinsel on the shoulders and matching headband. It’s very festive. If one were performing a Christmas themed ice-skating program at Rockefeller Center.
Next week: Mary and Catherine’s carriage is attacked by rabble-rousers. Francis leads the men of the court to go rescue them. Personally, I bet Catherine takes care of it single-handedly.
