Tubin': Analysis, discussion and freak-outs about our favorite TV shows. See More...

The Originals 2x5: Red Door

No one is fooling around when a shirtless, bloody Elijah shows up four seconds into the show.

The Originals 2x5: Red Door

Previously on The Originals: Lesther reveals her plan to put her children in new, non-vampiric bodies.

"Please don't come near me until you can swear you'll give up the crimping iron."

The Original Dysfunctional Family Drama

This week, we learn that all is not exactly noble in Elijah’s past – or is it? World’s Worst Mother Lesther has Elijah tied up and tormented in a tomb, and she’s giving him dreams of the not-so-greatest hits. We learn that Elijah’s first love, Tatia (a doppelganger, sigh, hi Nina Dobrev), died at his hands when he was just a baby vampire – and Elijah, in his shame, forced himself to forget his victims behind a “red door.”

(Although I’m not entirely sure Lesther isn’t just screwing with his head. I have no doubt that Elijah has done plenty of terrible things, but his mother is supposed to be the most powerful witch in the world. Why wouldn’t she try to “help” him remember other things? She didn’t stop at giving him a taste of what life could be like.)

This is all part of Lesther’s plan – to “help” Elijah remember every atrocity he’s committed (number one: the floppy flashback hair) until he begs her to turn him into a witch. There’s nothing like a mother’s love! Especially when it comes with overly dramatic dialogue.

Meanwhile, Davina is still knocked out, Koleb is taunting Klaus, Cami unsuccessfully tries to mediate, and Mikael has managed to pull Papa Tunde’s blade out from his chest. Almost simultaneously, Klaus realizes who Koleb is – and that Cami, the white oak stake, and Mikael are all missing.

Mikael takes Cami along as leverage (although apparently not realizing quite how annoying she’d be). In a rare moment where I actually agree with the Human Cardboard Cutout, she points out that the violence his family perpetuates is pointless, and he hates Klaus simply for being fathered by another man. Sadly, this moment is cut short when she goes back to acting as though she has a chance of escape when dealing with powerful supernatural creatures. Know your limitations, lady.

(I may have clapped when Mikael growled, “In times of need, even the devil eats flies,” and proceeded to bite Cami. “You said you wouldn’t!” she protested shortly before, somehow thinking the word of a psychotic vampire vampire-hunter was something to rely on.)

Klaus, of course, heads off after Mikael, dealing with a “Hillbilly Halloween” celebration full of humans Mikael compelled to distract Klaus and parrot Mikael’s words. In the cabin, Davina wakes up and realizes that she needs to finish her spell to unlink Klaus’ life from the vampires he’s sired. The spell doesn’t work, though. When Koleb insists on helping, she channels his power and realizes that he’s a Mikaelson, too.

Time is running out, so the next option is to unspell the white oak stake – at least temporarily. Wouldn’t you know it, they’re able to do it, but not before Mikael manages to stab Klaus with the stake. Mikael damn near throws a tantrum, screaming, “Why aren’t you burning?” while Kol, Davina, Hayley, and Marcel show up. Cami pulls the stake out, threatens to kill Mikael, and once again is saved from her own bravado by someone with actual power.

Finally, Elijah is rescued from Lesther’s clutches by a mother-biting, sassy-mouthed, angry-as-hell Hayley. They make out, Elijah confesses his feelings (more or less)…AND IT’S ALL A DREAM. This is the supernatural version of Dallas.

"I swear to you, brother, there will come a time where it is fashionable to get rid of these terrible haircuts."

The Original Mythology

 -          The white oak stake is a “dark object.” This, apparently, is a harder object to unspell.

-          Lesther can unlock memories and create new dreams.

 

The Original Body Count

 -          Thirty-plus compelled “hillbillies” versus one Klaus: no contest.

-          Tatia died a thousand years ago, and I hope with her, the possibility of seeing any more g-d doppelgangers on this show.

 

The Original Elegant Uncle Elijah Ruined Suit Count: 3

 Same ruined suit, different day.

 

The Original WTF

 -          Oh hell no, Lesther, you did NOT just say that Elijah could “replace” the baby Hayley lost. I know you’re a demented jerk, but one baby does not replace another.

-          Tatia’s hair is horrible.

-          Marcel’s lecture to Davina made me giggle. “Young lady” indeed.

-          Is hybrid blood sustenance for a vampire?

 

The Original Joseph Morgan Award For Tortured Hot People

 

Shirtless bloody Elijah! To say nothing of the Hayley/Elijah rescue. Holy crap, that Hayley and Elijah bloody makeout session is enough to tide me over for awhile. “I crave you,” Elijah growls, and that sound you hear is the one of thousands of fans sighing in unison.

 

Although… I must say that Koleb speaking Latin wasn’t half bad, either.

 

Next episode: "Wheel Inside the Wheel"

Jennie's photo About the Author: Jennie Kendrick lives in San Francisco and has an excessive fondness of historical fiction, spreadsheets, turquoise sparkly things, and bourbon. When she's not reading, writing, or writing about reading, she cooks obsessively, runs an Etsy shop, and thrifts for vintage everything.