So, you know how I said before that the show should take its sweet time with Bellarke, because it's Important with a capital I and we don't want to be jumping any sharks?
Weeeeeeell, I just remembered that I'm not a patient person. And I WANT SOME ACTION, Y'ALL. All of this Grounder/Reaper/Mt. Weather shizz is fascinating and everything but WHERE ART THOU KISSING?
At any rate, here's the stuff that happened that WASN'T KISSING:
At Mt. Weather:
Aww, how sweet! A girl is frolicking amidst the daises outside of Mt. Weather, and it's sunny and beautiful UNTIL THE RADIATION SETS IN. Lady Doctor is experimenting again, and the poor girl dies in spite of A.J.'s halfhearted attempt to let her back in. Turns out that the blood of the 47 only offers temporary protection, and the real solution is bone marrow. Which, of course, would leave the 47 totally DUNZO. Speak of the devil, Jasper, Monty and Co. break into President Wallace's office (nice JFK painting, dude) to uncover the truth, and they discover photos of survivors from the Ark as well as schematics that will probably come in handy later. The next day, their pal Harper doesn't show up for breakfast, because she's busy being DRILLED FOR HER BONE MARROW OMG GROSS. (I should point out that the President vetoed this idea, so Lady Doctor and A.J. have clearly gone rogue.)
At Camp Jaha:
In light of the approaching Grounder attack, Jaha wants the camp to pack up and hit the bricks, but Abby disagrees. She refuses to transfer her authority (DAMN STRAIGHT). They address the people together, but Jaha steals the show and starts talking up the City of Light. Clarke interrupts with, "If we leave here, what happens to our people in Mt. Weather?" Other folks are thinking the same thing, but when a soldier asks Abby about sticking around, she stands firm about the evacuation.
Finn feels bad (FINALLY), because he realizes that he's the catalyst for the Grounder attack. Before Clarke can lie too much about how it's not his fault, Bellamy shows up and asks her to meet him at the drop ship
for some sexy times so he and Octavia can show her a super rabid Lincoln, who's all chained up. Clarke: "I can't believe we're back here again." She realizes that Mt. Weather is creating the Reapers - 30 points for Gryffindor! Lincoln, who is trying his best to look completely unattractive, breaks free of the chains, and after subduing him, Octavia goes outside to collect more water... only to be surprised by Nyko, the Healer Hipster dude! He's there to warn them about the Grounder attack, and when Octavia brings him back, he tries to save Lincoln but OH SNAP NOT REALLY COS THAT OIL IS DEADLY! Clarke stops him in the nick of time, but Finn shows up and this whole situation is going to hell in a handbasket. Nyko attacks Finn, Clarke tases Nyko, Lincoln stops breathing and oh hey, Clarke revives him! And now she knows how to stop the Grounder attack, say WHAT?
Perfect timing, because the Grounder army appears on the horizon, and Jaha wants Abby to give him the authority to make the call. This show really needs to work on character evolution, cos people are changing WAY too fast. Abby refuses to give the order to evacuate, and there's a tense standstill when Jaha orders the Lady Guard to arrest Abby, and Abby orders the Lady Guard to put Jaha in the stockade. And then ABBY WINS.
Clarke goes alone to meet with the Commander Grounder Lady (CGL), who's totally sitting on a Game of Thrones. I'd take her over Joffrey any day. With insane grace under pressure, Clarke talks about Anya and tells CGL that she can turn Reapers back into men, and CGL demands that she be taken to Lincoln. Anyone else wonder if CGL was just watching Beaches, cos that mascara is RUNNIN'.
In a super tense scene designed to give us all a mild stroke, Abby tries to resuscitate Lincoln, but his heart stops, and the CGL entourage is approaching, and COME ON BREATHE ALREADY. Lincoln is declared dead, everyone draws their weapons, and I seriously thought the episode was ending at this moment. But the writers chose to be a little less cruel, because after the commercial break, Abby uses the taser as a heart defibrillator (without shouting, "All clear!" which is obviously a violation of medical science) and revives Lincoln and he's ALIVE and he remembers Octavia and let's hope he doesn't remember eating those people and YAY!
CGL is totes impressed, so she agrees to a truce... on one condition: the Sky People have to turn over Finn.. TO BE EXECUTED.
DUHM DUHM DUUUHHHMMMM!
Mt. Weather 101:
So the folks at Mt. Weather reeeeeally want to be on the surface. I've got one word for them: ALLERGIES.
Finn to Clarke:
Go with Bellamy.
Clarke to Finn:
Lincoln's saveable. And so are you.
Heeeey Clarke, not to ruin everything but irregardless, saveable is not a real word.
"Why can't you watch the hall?" - Harper
"I'm the mastermind." Jasper
How Jasper Got His Groove Back.
Abby to Jaha:
Because I have faith too. In my daughter.
Well that's good, because I don't necessarily have faith in these writers.
- When did Jaha start putting white shoe polish on his goatee like he's in some high school play about old people?
- When will we see Sloth again? Because HE WILL BE BACK, RIGHT?
- Will this show really kill Finn? I mean, it is the mid-season finale...
- Speaking of, how long will we have to wait for another new episode after next week because I NEED MY BELLARKE.
Leave your answers/questions/rants/raves in the comments! No bone marrow required.
Next episode: "Spacewalker"
Check out our The 100 themed t-shirts!