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The SUPERNATURAL Rewatch Project: Splitsville

Sam and Dean are never, ever getting back together.

The SUPERNATURAL Rewatch Project: Splitsville

The Road So Far

Welcome back, superfans! In week six of the Supernatural rewatch project things are heating up. Papa makes contact, the Winchesters are NOT feeling the brotherly love of it all, and we meet Meg, the first multi-episode antagonist. We do our best not to hiss in her general direction. We fail.

Let’s drink to the return of the A plot!

THE OFFICIAL FYA SUPERNATURAL DRINKING GAME

Take a drink every time:

•  Dean or Sam flashes a badge and passes for federal law enforcement despite being clad in denim and/or flannel

•  A demon possesses some hapless schmuck

•  The camera gives tight artistic focus to blood being splattered

•  Dean enjoys a cheeseburger crams his face full of junk food

•  Sam purses his lips passive aggressively

•  Either brother picks a lock

•  Someone employs a Titan of Classic Rock as an alias

•  The Glorious and Faithful Impala is damaged in the line of duty

1x10: Asylum

Monster of the Week: Ghost, lunatic psychiatrist edition

Cops are doing a walkthrough of a condemned asylum, a spot local kids like to use as party central because, one assumes, they are quite stupid.


“This looks like the perfect spot to make out.” –Teens

After splitting up, the younger cop comes out with a nosebleed and a shifty look in his eye. Later that night, he shoots his wife in a ghastly murder-suicide. Dean tries to interview the surviving cop, claiming to be a reporter named Nigel Tufnel (drink).


Why does a fictional guitarist count as a Titan of Classic Rock when Ted Nugent doesn’t? Because Nige turns it up to eleven.

When it’s clear the cop doesn’t want to talk, Sam, pretending to be a journalist-hating bystander, throws Dean out on his ear. Charmed by this display of bro-justice, the cop spills. In the 60s, the south wing of the asylum housed the criminally insane. One night they rioted, killing their psychiatrist. His body was never found.

Time to investigate! But before the Winchesters get to the asylum, a couple arrives, the boy taking his girlfriend to “look around” in what is likely the worst date in history. That goes about as well as expected and by the time Sam and Dean get to the pair, they’ve already had terrifying encounters with spirits, including a ghosty-makeout sesh.

But it turns out the spirits aren’t out to harm our heroes. They’re trying to warn them about the ghost of the psychiatrist who conducted horrible experiments on them before they rose up and murdered him. The ghost manages to get his hands on Sam, filling him with a murderous rage that he then turns on Dean. But thanks to Dean’s superior combat skills, sorta-kinda-possessed Sam is soon neutralized and the doctor’s bones are salted and burned.

Brotherly Angst Quotient: Fratricidal

When the boys get a text from Papa offering nothing more than cold coordinates to the asylum horrorshow, Sam doesn’t want to go. Dean pulls big brother rank, saying when Dad gives an order, they’ll damn well follow it. He does try to soften the blow by being extra jokey and pulling out a most horrific Jack Nicholson impression. But Sam will not be cheered up.


Corollary: He can be bought with cookies. Take note, Dean women!

Later, when the ghost’s electro-touch bring out Sam’s rage, he has some opinions he’d like to share on Dean’s slavish devotion to their father. The word “pathetic” comes up.


Another difference? Dean doesn’t suck at hand-to-hand combat.

Sam’s ragey enough to blast Dean with the rock salt shotgun. He even tries to shoot him with his own gun. Luckily our clever really, really, ridiculously good-looking hero removed the bullets before handing it over. He kicks Sam’s ass and torches the ghost. Afterwards, Sam says he didn’t mean anything that happened in there. Dean doesn’t buy it. They silently get in the car, for what I assume is a fairly awkward stretch of road.

Where in the World is Papa Winchester?: In an unspecified phonebooth. At the very end of the episode he calls Dean’s cell.

How Drunk Are We?: Four drinks thanks to Sam’s daddy issues and subsequent lip purses.

Soundtrack: “Hey You,” by Bachman Turner Overdrive

The Quotable Winchesters: “Hey Sam. Who do you think’s the hottest psychic: Patricia Arquette, Jennifer Love-Hewitt or you?”

I think the answer is clear.


Nostradmus. Look at that steely-eyed glare.

Moment Most Likely to Inspire Troubling Fan-Fic:


I know Sam’s a tall drink of hotness, ghost, but back off! He does not want to make out with you. Or does he? Let the fic begin.

Notable Cameo:


Nicholas D’Agosto from Masters of Sex, plays the soon-to-be-dumped boyfriend.

1x11: Scarecrow

Monster of the Week: Pagan god in form of sickle-wielding scarecrow

Some good-hearted smalltown folk help a lost roadtripping couple out with directions, insisting that they take one of their apple pies as they go.  On the way out of town, the couple’s car dies next to an apple orchard. So does their cell phone. Sensing something sinister, the wife tries to talk her husband out of going into the scary orchard to look for help, but he insists. They venture forth where they run into this handsome fellow:

 
Comes complete with sickle attachment!

A year later, Sam and Dean are put on the case by a phoned decree from Papa. It seems roadtripping couples go missing every April along a certain route. Papa says some other things, namely, “stop looking for me,” and “I’ve found the demon that killed your mother/ Jess, and no, you can’t come along to kill it.”

Sam is understandably furious and decides he’s going to blow off Papa’s orders. Less understandably, he tells Dean their little road trip is permanently over, and goes off in a huff, leaving his brother to work the case alone. As he tries to hitch a ride, he meets a girl named Meg, who is pretty! And fun! And just like totally gets him, you know? Her family doesn’t want her to be her own person either. In fact, her sob story is remarkably similar to Sam’s. Some might say, suspiciously similar.


This bish.

Dean rolls into the suspicious small town and interviews the mechanic under the alias John Bonham (drink). Since there’s no such thing as a Midwestern mechanic who is not also a Led Zepplin enthusiast, the man is immediately suspicious. So is Dean. On his way out of town, his EMF reader starts going nuts at the orchard. He makes a stop.


Succinctly put.

Based on several clues, Dean deduces that the scarecrow is possessed annually by a fertility god. In exchange for the male and female sacrifices provided, the god blesses the town with good crops. Dean tries to warn off this year’s sacrificial couple. But without Sam and his puppy dog eyes to assist, he just creeps them out. Fortunately, he shows up to the orchard in a timely fashion and manages to save them anyway. Unfortunately, the town elders capture him and decide he has to take their place. They stake him out in the orchard, along with an unfortunate local girl. She knew nothing of the tradition of sacrifices and looks hopefully to Dean for a plan.


Chill, lady. He’s working on it.

While he’s still thinking, Sam shows up at the last minute. He stole a car to get there, and his big brother has never been so proud. “Keep an eye on that scarecrow,” Dean advises as Sam unties them. “What scarecrow?” Sam asks.

Commence running. The townfolk are waiting nearby armed with guns to make sure their sacrifices don’t escape. But as it turns out, the scarecrow isn’t picky about his sacrifices being super hot. He hooks his sickle into a town elder, dragging him and his screaming wife away to do whatever it is gods do with sacrifices. The next day, the Winchesters watch as the girl burns the tree, killing the god within and putting a stop to the cycle.

Meanwhile, Meg hitches a ride. She is, of course, a demon and brutally murders the driver who picks her up, catching his blood in a goblet so that she can use it to contact her demon daddy.


Blood goblet: better coverage than 4G.

Brotherly Angst Quotient: Hella high.

After Papa’s call, Sam tracks down the phone booth and discovers he called from Sacremento. He proposes that they blow off the apple orchard job and find him. When Dean refuses, Sam says Something Awful. He tells Dean that him losing Jess was more painful than Dean losing his mother. That he’s sick of their unending roadtrip, and if Dean won’t go to California with him, he’ll go alone. Attempted murder last week and now cruel abandonment? A stricken Dean tells Sam he’s selfish and drives off without him.

*wipes tear*

Is it really over you guys?

Of course it isn’t! Later the boys talk on the phone, and mutually apologize. Dean tells Sam that he’s got to live his own life, and he admires him for it. Later, when Dean doesn’t answer his phone, Sam leaves to save him even though it means he misses his bus to Sacramento and disappoints Meg the Demon.

Where in the World is Papa Winchester?: Sacremento, potentially. That’s where the phone booth he called from was, anyway.

How Drunk Are We?: Fairly toasty! Purse your lips like Sam and wrap them around five drinks, darlings.

Soundtrack: “Bad Company” by Bad Company. At least they’re staying on message.

The Quotable Winchesters: 


The fandom deems this moment worthy of t-shirts, y’all.

Moment Most Likely to Inspire Troubling Fan-Fic: “Hold me, Sam. That was beautiful." -Dean after their reconciliation.

Notable Cameo: None to speak of.

Next week: Dean is shocked to learn he only has a few months to live.

Amanda Klase's photo About the Author: Amanda likes her heroines brash, her romantic leads snarky, and her video games Triple A. When she’s not re-enacting her favorite TV monologues, she’s getting up to all kinds of shenanigans with the San Francisco FYA Book Club.