Welcome back, Janesters! Never have I felt the winter blues so acutely as I did enduring JtV‘s too-long hiatus from my screen. My blues were at least assuaged by this year’s incredible and shocking (in the best way) Golden Globes where, in case you have been living under a rock and aren’t already aware, Gina Rodriguez won Best Actress in a Comedy or Musical.
I shouted at my television and teared up and clapped and generally made an idiot of myself alone in my living room. Such a well-deserved win, and just the perfect acceptance speech for the occasion. As I commented on Twitter, it was like the Golden Globes were doing their damnedest to salvage the garbage year that was 2014 by highlighting and awarding all of its best and most glittering exceptions–many more of which were on television than in the movies. Oh, television. You are important and I will always love you best.
Okay, anyway. To return to the subject at hand: Chapter Ten!
THIS WEEK’S MVP(arent)
Alba!
Sure she was unconscious in a hospital bed in real time, but her (grand)parenting prowess is such that it extended all the way from Jane’s youth when she taught our young heroine how to pray “the right way” when she was worried that Xo’s terrible cooking would ruin her school’s Heritage Day–and then taught XO how to cook arepas the correct way in order to let Xo herself answer Jane’s fears–to the present day, when Jane and Xo go out of their way to do exactly what Alba would want them to do to be good to themselves and each other while her very life hangs in jeopardy.
BEST TELENOVELA TWIST
It’s low-hanging fruit this week, friends. OBVIOUSLY the winner is Jane and Michael getting trapped on the elevator, in the dark.
Classics are classics for a reason.
BEST PRODUCT PLACEMENT
The purported sponsor of this week’s episode was Tresemmé, but despite all of the storm-drenched hair and fancy swag bag miscellany flying around, not once did anyone supes cazh mention the haircare line. So, I am awarding this week’s product placement trophy to…ice cream bars.
Although that also feels like low-hanging fruit, because when are ice cream bars NOT the best part of whatever equation they’re in?
PREVIOUSLY ON JANE THE VIRGIN
My actual notes:
petra?
michael
shady suspicion
god i love that art
omg moment when magda pushed alba down the stairs
The Voice of God narrator put together a slightly more coherent recap, but if you’ve been following along, this about covers it. And if you haven’t been following along…good luck, friend.
THIS WEEK
Was pretty much a bottle episode, so while a billion things happened (as per usual), the static setting of it all should let us make quick work of things.
Alba’s Safe…For Now
Telenovelas may revel in their giant twists and even giant-er cliffhangers (stairwell-hangers?), but JtV doesn’t revel in turning those cliffhangers into longterm melodrama. THANK DIOS, this means that Chapter Ten skips over what on lesser shows could have been at least another episode of the Max Dramz surrounding a missing Alba and the frantic search for as a storm approaches. None of that on JtV! Nope, Chapter Ten goes straight to hospital with Alba found and bandaged up, and the storm well under way.
Not that this means all is well: Alba is still unconscious, and Jane and Xo are, of course, beside themselves. While the nice (FOR NOW) doctor does his best to reassure them, and reminds them that all they can do is wait until she wakes up to judge how deep/permanent her head trauma is, waiting isn’t something that go-getter Jane is any good at. Struck by her own flashback to the time when she was a kiddo and asked Alba to teach her how to pray “the real way” (with the rosary beads) because she was worried about her mom’s horrible cooking skills ruining her school’s Heritage Day, Jane fixates on at least one thing she can do other than wait: pray.
She turns out Alba’s purse, but the beads aren’t there. And since Jane remembers specifically seeing Alba put them in the purse before leaving for Ro’s awards show (yes, that is still when we are in JtV time), she deduces that they must have fallen out when Alba “fell” down the stairs, and frantically declares she’s going to drive back to the Marbella to get them. Xo, naturally, thinks that is a crazy thing to do—both because there is a hurricane threatening the entirety of Miami, and because the rosary is just a bunch of old thrift store beads that don’t really do anything. But Jane will not be moved; she has to do something.
Marbella on the Fritz
Back at Miami’s only hotel, chaos is the order of the hour. So: no change there (screw you, huge storm). Solano, Sr. is about to take off to Prague on business so urgent that not even A) the storm, and Rose’s fear for her husband’s safety trying to catch a plane in this weather, or B) Lachlan’s being stuck in Palm Springs, thus leaving Raf the reigning General Manager of Sin Rostro’s flimsy front for a billion crimes the Marbella, is enough to convince him to cancel his plans. What’s so important in Prague, Emilio (yes, that is his name)? A certain Natalia-hating Miloš, perhaps??
So yes, Raf is in charge of the hurricane-hit Marbella, and all its various trapped inhabitants, like Jane…
…and also Petra, who is trying to pick up the pieces of her life she can by making plans to sell her jewelry to buy a little 1-br place for her and Magda (“better make it 2-br,” Magda says, staring at their hostage, Ivan, who will spend the rest of the episode finally effecting his escape), and by finally giving Raf the divorce papers and coming absolutely clean with him about why she’s been living a lie and what she’s been running from. Only, she’s a wolf who’s lies have bitten him too many times. Like, so many:
Also, Solano, Sr. is at least able to counter the sour taste leaving Raf in charge has put in his mouth by forcing the unpleasant task of carrying out Lachlan’s Cut 15% of Staff In All Departments money-saving plan on the dude. Now, that’s a sucky job that it’s clear Raf doesn’t relish, but, as his father clearly needs reminding, Raf is a good manager and does understand that such unpleasantness is necessary when trying to run a successful business. He understands it even when faced with the added burden of having to choose who to fire, rather than just executing a list already made up by Lochlan. He understands it even when faced by his bleeding heart of a pregnant girlfriend/employee, who (unwisely, for herself) asks for a sneak peek so she can give her friends heads up if necessary. He understands it even when having to stand firm in the face of said pregnant girlfriend/employee’s heartfelt requests for a stay of execution on her friend’s looming, inevitable termination, regardless of how his heart goes out for both her and her friend’s situations.
Basically, Raf is great at his job. Which was true before Solano, Sr. came in and decided that he was terrible and let Lochlan and Petra (and by association, Luisa) maneuver him out of it.
Also, in case you weren’t reading between the lines:
Jane’s friends are really great in terms of having them on screen (“I can’t lose this job! I drink for free and it’s so close to my gym!”), but not so great in terms of empathizing with Jane’s new and awkward position as the boss’s baby momma, so they guilt her for not being willing to talk to Raf about the layoffs in the first place, then guilt her for not fighting to keep Frankie’s job once she does go talk to him, then guilt her for not pushing hard enough to abuse her personal relationship once she does go back and fight for Frankie after all. Jane’s just not gonna win, and none of them are even going to ask about how he pregnancy is going or maybe why she is near tears whenever they talk to her. Thankfully, Raf is there for her and everything that is going on in her life…and in the life of the hotel.
Nothing Happens in this Hotel Without Rafael Knowing
At least, according to Michael, who is beyond convinced that Rafael is the shady so-and-so behind Sin Rostro’s shady such-and-such. This despite the non-evidence pointing specifically at Rafael as the Big Bad Drug Lord.
Okay— partial evidence. Rafael’s office safe was suspiciously emptied out the day after Michael (illegally) searched it…never mind that the emergency cash and phone and fireproofed passports weren’t beyond the realm of reasonability for a person in Raf’s position as a big shot hotelier. And there is a secret plastic-surgery-for-criminals suite hidden in a series of equally secret tunnels under a very bizarre hinged bathtub…never mind that Raf’s fingerprints are nowhere within, as the lab techs who eventually make there way inside with clue kits (is that a thing?) later determine.
As Nadine—and all of us smarties in the audience—correctly points out, most of the evidence pointing to anyone in the hotel being Sin Rostro points more squarely to Emilio. That is, Solano, Sr. That is, the guy who returned to town the night Zaz was killed and has a much greater likelihood of being tied to crime than former playboy Raf does.
So, there goes that theory. Can’t be Emilio now that “we should do this major drug bust just the two of us without telling anyone especially the DEA” Nadine has determined him guilty. However, considering the fact that Rose’s pet plastic surgery recovery suite project is even more directly tied to Sin Rostro’s criminal dealings—and that she Honeypots Luisa in the mental hospital to squeeze information about Emilio’s family history/giant house in non-extradition Croatia—my pet theory that Sin Rostro is actually Rose is looking even more likely.
(For the record: 44% of you thought that Magda was definitely Sin Rostro; 30%, Solano, Sr. ONE courageous person wrote in Rose as a possibility. WE WILL SEE.)
Not that Michael is hearing any of it. He is just stuck on Rafael Solano, stealer of Jane’s affections and general Arch Nemesis material. He is SO stuck on Raf, in fact, that he is willing to gleefully lay out just how stuck he is on him right in front of Jane’s horrified face.
He’s SO stuck on Raf, in fact, that is willing even to follow Jane around the hotel to try to convince her of Raf’s criminality/”protect” her. SO SWEET MICHAEL AND TOTALLY APPROPRIATE I really can’t understand what issues might have prompted Jane to break off your engagement.
Anyway, it is while/because of following Jane that he gets stuck on an elevator with her when the power surges. He just can’t stop needling her about how “nothing just nothing happens in this hotel without Raf knowing, hm?????” which of course prompts her to finally snap at him to just leave her alone already, GOD, between him and Raf and the baby and abuela and—
#ImmigrationReform
Which brings us back to Alba in the hospital, still unconscious, being dutifully watched over by an increasingly fretful Xo. Xo, at least, is no longer alone, as Rogelio pulled some famous people strings and got a police escort to get him from the after-after party to the hospital—the Villanuevas are family, he explains with zero artifice, and you do anything for family.
Xiomara is furiously happy to see Ro, and doesn’t even think to roll her eyes when instead of a silk scarf, he pulls designer sunglasses out of his swag bag to dry her tears.
Her happiness at seeing Ro come through the door is short-lived, though, as presently the no-longer-nice doctor returns with the super shitty news that, since Alba is in the country illegally and thus has no health insurance, once the storm clears the hospital will have to call Immigration and have her sent back to Venezuela…where she of course can continue to receive whatever treatment she needs! “It’s called medical repatriation,” the doctor says.
Of course Colbert has covered it, but seeing as controversial, important and current social/political issues as medical repatriation and immigration reform called out on a pop telenovela tv show on a network known primarily for its “CW Hot” casting policy/trends is amazing.
Anyway, back to the show, where Ro is doing his celebrity best to prevent Alba’s looming deportation by calling in favors from both the UN Ambassador and Gloria Estefan (probably Gloria Estefan will come through first). Only, it isn’t Ro’s connections who ultimately end up saving the day—it’s Jane’s. Specifically, it is Michael, who still doesn’t have a great handle on being a good detective, but is at least abusing his powers for good now by calling…someone (the hospital? Immigration?)…to explain that Alba is a very important witness in a very important investigation and thus needs to stay in the country.
This doesn’t solve the hospital’s unpaid bill problem (Hey, Ro!) but at least keeps Alba safe in her bed. Where she wakes at last to the sound of Xo praying fervently to a God she hasn’t spoken to in a long time, promising to live a chaste life and keep her legs closed to anyone who hasn’t put a ring on it, as long as Alba wakes up and is sound of mind. And considering the smug look of satisfaction on Alba’s face when she watches Xo pull back from Rogelio’s passionate embrace after the good news about the non-deportation has been given, she is sound of mind, indeed.
Chekhov’s Foreshadowing
In the bright light of the next, cloudless day, a lot more things than Alba’s return to health become clear.
First, Michael sees all the (frankly poor) plastic surgery jobs walking around the Marbella’s lobby and deduces that the secret surgical suite is for criminals coming to Sin Rostro for new faces (GET IT??? Also: called it.). And the Serbian who evaded Michael and Nadine’s capture that fateful failed sting night, he’s already checked himself out of the hospital by the time Michael puts two and xray together and calls the officer on duty to have all the Marbella patients held in custody. WHOOPS. Better luck next time, guy.
Second, Jane confronts Raf about Michael’s accusations, and gets the truth about the safe contents—and why he moved them before Michael got his warrant—from him immediately: they were emergency cash and the international phone from when Raf had to chase after Luisa, and the passports were passports, and he moved it all because Michael was being such an insufferable tool about his investigation. This is just what I thought, but somehow, the way Raf explained it made me finally feel a niggling uncertainty in him. Aren’t ALL phones international phones now? Especially when you’re rich? And did you really need to explain to Jane in such detail and at such length what was going on? I don’t know why this seems fishy now, but it does.
Third, Jane and Raf bond further over their mutually changing work/personal worlds, as well as their ripening peach (is that…weird? To call the baby that? I can’t decide):
Fourth, Xo calls Michael to thank him for pulling his Alba-saving detective moves. Yeah, she figured it out. And yeah, she knows how much he still loves her. Not just loves her—believes that they are soulmates.
Which, VoG narrator assures us, he did, right until he took his very last breath.
Dun dun DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
NEXT TIME
Xo doesn’t approve of Raf! Like that’s news.
About the Contributor:
Alexis Gunderson is a TV critic and audiobibliophile. A Wyoming expat, she now lives in Maryland, where she runs the DC chapter of the FYA Book Club. She can be found talking about Teen TV on Twitter, and her longform criticism can be found on Authory.
