Previously on The Originals: Finncent treats us all to even more monologues, Rebekah meets Freya, Klaus, Hayley, and Jackson come to an understanding, and Kol is locked in his body (hallelujah).
Voted Best Hair in his high school class.
The Original Dysfunctional Family Drama
FINNCENT’S OEDIPAL FANTASYLAND: Finncent is reaching near-orgasmic levels of villainy, chanting, setting tables on fire, and throwing voodoo dolls. That is, until Freya shows up. Surprise, most manic brother! Freya confesses to Finn that she fled from Dahlia, who considers it an act of betrayal punishable by death. Finn is all, “blah blah blah yes whatever, sister I haven’t seen in a thousand years, but let’s talk about ME,” and wants to know more about Dahlia’s firstborn curse. When he mentions that Hope is hidden, Freya offers to find her. “You have to let some things die so that others might live,” she says, resurrects a butterfly, and is rewarded with Finncent’s creepy manic smile. Okay, is this really Freya – or is she possessed by Dahlia?
Finncent sends Marcel off on a fool’s errand to collect Hayley’s blood, after a neat trick where he uses magic to remove the hearts of Marcel’s vampire army.
KLAUS’ KLASSY KOMPOUND: Elijah’s on speakerphone with Klaus and Rebekah, who fight over why Rebekah didn’t think to ask Freya if Dahlia is still alive. After they hang up, Klaus is informed that Finn has Marcel, and Kol saunters in, asking for help. When Klaus doesn’t believe him and wants information on the spell Finn is using, he just reaches out and pulls the information out of Kol’s head. This is all very well and good, except that he sees that Kol wanted to dagger him. Oops.
Kol’s response to Klaus’ (in my opinion, completely justified) anger is to disable Klaus and Rebekah and stroll right back out. Then he bursts into tears and promptly gets the sexiest nosebleed ever to grace the small screen. Right on cue, Finncent calls and tells Kol to get Klaus’ blood in exchange for Kol’s life. STOP PLACATING THE CRAZY BROTHER WHO IS NOT KLAUS.
He gets the blood while ranting angrily in Daniel Sharman’s goddamn sexy accent (seriously: thank you, writers), at which point Klaus says “I’m not going to kill you, you idiot!” They look into each other’s eyes meaningfully, and talk about family and brotherhood and stuff, but all I can think about is how #blessed we all are. Talk more, my poppets, TALK MORE.
Kol tells Klaus where to find Finn, and invites Klaus to get Finn’s spell from his head. When they go to Finn’s location, they find out – oh shit! – this was a red herring all along. Finn is off to find baby Hope. Kol and Rebekah try to overload Finn’s power so that he has no choice but to body-jump – somewhere far away from Hope.
BACK IN THE BAYOU: Everybody wants Hayley and Jackson to get it on, which is why they keep leaving brooms on the porch of Jackson’s house. It’s a werewolf tradition – engaged couples could “jump the broom,” aka get down and dirty, before marriage. (I’m going to guess the lack of broom, or engagement, even, never stopped anyone before.) Meanwhile, Jackson is building Hope a crib and managing other packs who want to join Hayley’s army. Between that and the combined powers of their gorgeous hair, I think things are working out pretty well for her.
When Marcel shows up and tells Hayley what’s up, she runs off to call Klaus. Jackson donates blood during the new Crescent pack ritual, helping Hayley and Marcel stall Finn. Meanwhile, Finn’s spell has sent Marcel’s vampire army to the bayou, blindly attacking the new pack. They retreat to a house, weathering the storm until Finn’s spell breaks.
HOPE’S HIDEAWAY FOR HYBRID HOMEBODIES: Hope scratches her head, Elijah almost goes into his red room freakout, but then Cami hands him a list of home improvement tasks. Which he proceeds to complete…in a suit. Never change, Elijah. Never change. (And thank you, writers.)
Finncent shows up while Cami and Hope are off at a farmer’s market. Since Dahlia would kill them all to get the newest Mikaelson, he is apparently planning to just give it to her so he doesn’t have to die. Finn stakes Elijah with magic and farm tools (why not!), and heads off to the house. While he’s screaming for Cami (who isn’t there), Elijah shows up for a little brotherly bonding. (Why do all the Mikaelson bonding sessions end into ruined houses?)
As Finn’s power is overloaded, Finn, Kol, and the bespelled vampires all collapse. “Family,” Klaus says, “is power.”
Meanwhile, Cami drives to the house, oblivious to what has been going on. Strangely enough, the car stops before they can quite get there. Could it be because THE BABY IS GIVING CAMI A DEAD-EYED STARE OF INFANT POWER? It’s as though she knows that Finn is inside, twirling his mustache yet again, while Elijah breaks a gas pipe, takes off his daylight ring, and blows them both to kingdom come.
And then, in the tiniest mic drop ever, Hope restarts the engine.
"I didn't know they made microphones that small."
The Original Mythology
- To remain “immortal,” Dahlia cast a spell that would make her and Freya sleep for a century, then wake for a year.
The Original Body Count
- BYE FINN. (Although I’m sure he’ll be back somehow.)
The Original Elegant Uncle Elijah Ruined Suit Count: 4.5
- Whoa there Finncent, don’t touch the suit. At least the jacket wasn’t ruined.
The Original WTF
- “I would have been happier with a panini press,” says Hayley. HI HAVE YOU LOOKED AT YOUR FIANCE LATELY? TAKE THE BROOM.
- “Or we could go fishing and I could tell you about the summer I lost my virginity.” No one wants to know, Cami. No one. (I can’t tell if it’s the actress or the writing, but good lord that was a clunker of a line.)
- Guess Cami has Elijah’s number memorized.
The Original Joseph Morgan Award For Tortured Hot People
Kol needs more angst-driven monologues. DAMN. I could listen to that voice all day.
Next episode: Don’t worry, Elijah’s okay. And it’s Hayley and Jackson’s wedding day.