First—make sure to check out the FYA valentines that went up over the weekend! It’s no #rogeliomybrogelio t-shirt, but they are still pretty great.
Second—reminder that there is no new episode of JtV until MARCH 9. I know. I am crying, too.
You guys called (a small corner of) it! A big Miami (and lavender telenovela shirt) welcome to Aaron Zazo, Roman’s non-violent, kidnapped-by-a-Mexican-cartel TWIN brother!
I only hope this puts the odds of dead-Emilio being a twin even HIGHER. Because sad Raf needs a chance to prove himself (and stop making me cry).
THIS WEEK’S MVP(arent)
Alba, for being her usual wise self and bequeathing just the advice Jane needed to hear to send her to Raf’s rescue.
2/23/15 edit for Runner Up, based on reader comments:
BEST TELENOVELA TWIST
The ACTUAL telenovela twist to Jane’s life, of course!
Runner up: Rose A) revealing Emilio’s whereabouts and B) doing so so quickly. Not expected!
BEST PRODUCT PLACEMENT
The baby registry was THIS CLOSE to not being named as a Target deal at all, which subtlety always wins me over. But I’m tired of giving Target the award! So:
Hey—it’s a GREAT song.
PREVIOUSLY ON JANE THE VIRGIN
Jane and Rafael are accidental co-parents, but luckily have also fallen in love. The doctor who performed that rogue artificial insemination is Luisa, Rafael’s formerly alcoholic, formerly sober, formerly shamanized, currently mental institutioned sister. The woman who put her there? Their stepmother (and Luisa’s ex-lover) Rose, AKA Sin Rostro, the WOman without a face, who also btws buried their father in cement and has fled the country. And Michael, wonder of wonders, is actually ON THE CASE!!
THIS WEEK
Adult flashback! Five-ish years ago, to super mature and overprepared Jane, laying out her 5 (10…15, tops) year plan to Xiomara and Alba: save money by attending the University of Miami, work at the same time so as not to go into debt, write on the side throughout. Be tenured, published, and married without kids (yet) by thirty. Get her life settled first.
Simultaneous adult flashback! To RAFAEL five-ish years ago, at dinner with Emilio, Luisa, and the blonde of the month, where he is enduring Emilio’s enumeration of Rafael’s many failures and telling him he needs to work for the hotel company or be cut off. “You have done absolutely NOTHING with your life,” Emilio spits, sarcastically toasting Raf with his wine.
“I am SO PROUD of you,” Xiomara says to Jane on the other side of Miami, clasping her hand lovingly.
THANK YOU, PAST PARENTS. As always—good luck, you crazy kids.
OITNB Baby Registries
Speaking of crazy kids, these two are filling out their registry in advance of Jane’s upcoming baby shower (where there will be NO cutesy games, thankyouverymuch). Jane’s got the baby market nailed, too—it’s all marketing! They need a non-prison-y, let baby explore its identity crib and that’s IT. Well…TWO non-prisony, let baby e cribs, one for Jane’s place and one for the penthouse.
Pause to reflect on #Jafael’s future family arrangements/foreshadow Chapter Fifteen.
Before they can settle into any discussion about the wisdom of buying two of everything rather than making some more concrete steps in figuring out when they will take the next step to live together WITH THEIR BABY, there is a knock at the door. Behind the knock? Michael. His news? SIN ROSTRO IS ROSE.
Michael tries to make Rafael uncomfortable by suggesting that perhaps he doesn’t want sweet, innocent Jane to hear all the sordid Solano details, but NO DICE, DUDE. Rafael wants Jane in the game always. And so begins the most shocking afternoon in Jane’s life since the first time the Solanos inserted (ARTIFICALLY) themselves into it four and half months ago.
The Hunt (for Trust) is On
To Michael’s credit, he does finally seem to legitimately be after Sin Rostro/Rose, and not after taking Rafael down. After Michael explains everything that they have discovered about Rose, and their suspicion that she might have altered her own face—AND after Jane imagines her guys in telenovela lavender, slapping each other after the accusation that Rafael might know of Emilio’s whereabouts/be abetting him—Michael asks that both of them keep the lines of communication open and pass along any information, no matter how minor, that might help locate Emilio and/or Rose and/or Roman Zazo’s killer.
Also, Michael is going to need to talk to Luisa, so where can he reach her? Ah, there’s the terrible detective I know and resent. MICHAEL. THE SOLANOS ARE YOUR CASE. YOU SHOULD KNOW WHERE LUISA IS. Of course, if he already knew, Rafael wouldn’t have the opportunity to repeat aloud the ways in which he betrayed her, or to have the visible (shocked) realization that ROSE WAS PLAYING THEM and that he needs to get Luisa out, stat.
And so Rafael leaves to devote his WHOLE afternoon to doing this AND NOTHING ELSE, and Jane leaves to change for her shift and DEFINITELY NOT check up on Rafael’s moves after she overhears a suspicious phone call about “money” and “him” and “getting out of this mess.”
In case it wasn’t obvious, neither does what they promise the other they are doing. Rafael is splitting his afternoon between procuring Power of Attorney over Luisa in order to spring her from the mental hospital, and settling the final details of paying off Aaron Zazo’s Mexican cartel kidnappers. And Jane is knocking on doors she sees Raf secretly back out of, finding Aaron Zazo, himself. Who she, naturally, thinks is Roman. Who is supposed to be dead. Which, naturally, tips her telenovela freakout over the edge.
To JANE’S credit, her first instinct is to chase after Rafael and get an explanation from him. Unfortunately, she runs into Michael along the way, and he is so good at reading her SO OBVIOUS tells that he knows she is lying about something and also scared, and pulls out of her the Zazo secret Rafael was keeping. (Just FYI there was no actual intro title card for Aaron. Could this nonviolent “twin” be a lie??)
Rafael readily brings Aaron down to meet Michael and Jane and explain the whole business—Rafael found Aaron through a private investigator, who tracked him to a charity in Mexico, where he was subsequently kidnapped by a drug cartel that Raf had to secretly pay off in order to retrieve him from safely, and he has been hiding in the Marbella until the final payments went through—but he does not so readily forgive Jane. He thought she trusted him. What happened?
Well, as Jane discovered when her BFF Lena showed off the adorable partner questionnaire she made for Jane’s baby shower, it turns out Jane and Raf haven’t had enough time to actually get to know each other well enough to have built up the level of trust that their shopping for cribs and baby buggies might otherwise suggest. And, btws, Rafael didn’t trust Jane enough to tell her about Aaron in the first place. Which—secrecy for safety, she knows!, but really, who was she going to tell?
Fair, fair, all fair. And they laugh and promise to get to know each other well enough to build the trust they both want and then they kiss and make up.
Good fight, good resolution.
Luisa and the Crazy Green Mile
Man, this was LUISA’S EPISODE. Rafael and Jane putting Sin Rostro + two together and setting to work getting Luisa released is all well and good, but Luisa’s doing just fine on her own. Knowing that Sin Rostro is putting her family in danger (even if she does have the players backward) and that her being in a mental institution isn’t helping her convince anyone, let alone the police, that she knows what she is talking about, Luisa has decided to break her way out and take care of the Solanos, herself. In fact, she has a plan—one that she has been building on since Rose came to “visit” her during the hurricane.
After showing Silent Betty the stolen brooch with which she is going to pick the lock, and explaining how she is going to use the daily visit of the really basic “hot” delivery guy as a distraction to get past the desk nurse, Luisa makes her escape. She is ALMOST caught by another nurse on duty, but then Betty, who hasn’t spoken in 12 years, screams bloody murder and creates just enough distraction for Luisa to make it out the Staff Only door.
…where she runs straight into Rafael, who has come to sign her out. Still, way to take care of yourself, Luisa!
After she lays into Raf once more for being such a poor brother to her (says the kettle who risked his entire share of the Marbella on her medical malpractice insurance), Luisa find herself back in her suite at the Marbella, where she pulls out a keepsake box and finds a parchment Dear John letter from Rose. I have so much I need to tell you, says letter-Rose. First though is that *your father* can be found where there was fireworks.
Which sends Luisa, still in her hospital pajamas, to sit IN THE DECORATIVE POOL that was built in the trench where Rose cemented Emilio. “I think dad is underneath me,” she tells Raf tearfully as he, Jane and Michael race down to see what security is freaking out about.
Not a spoiler: she’s right.
Luisa Finally Tells The Greatest Love Story Ever
While Rafael starts his second act freakout over how to react to the news that the father you never stopped disappointing is dead and gone before you could redeem yourself/right when the ex-wife you thought you got rid of has shown up as equal owner to the hotel said dead father took control of from you, while simultaneously making funeral AND business preparations (it’s a whole thing), Luisa heads down to the police station to tell Michael everything she knows about Rose.
And that means everything. Which gives us the third adult flashback! “Well, it was about five years ago,” Luisa starts, “and I was at a girl bar…”
Rose walked in looking like Bridget Regan and wearing a tight red dress and her LIE OF A RED WIG, and totally swept Luisa off her feet. She offered to buy our lady doctor a drink, but Luisa was freshly sober. “I’m just getting out of the drug world, myself,” Rose said, smoothly.
Also, did Luisa mention the red dress? Because DAMN, is the point. And then they sat by the pool talking (about the “business” deal Rose was trying to close, AKA marriage to Emilio) and falling in love and also smooching and also LOTS AND LOTS OF pool sex.
Then the next night at the family dinner where Emilio was laying into Raf, Rose appeared, smoochin’ up on Emilio. And then she and Luisa lied to each other a lot about what they really wanted, and thus their short affair was (temporarily) ended.
It was a relief for Luisa to finally tell this story and have someone believe her, but it also took a lot out of her, as evidenced by her longing look at the mini bar when she returns to her room. She is saved from relapsing (into alcoholism, at least) by a phone call from ROSE, who we only see from behind, in shadow (in a shot set up to look almost exactly like the introduction to the blonde clone in Orphan Black—thanks, tumblr!).
“You’re the only thing in my life in the last five years that was real,” Rose tells Luisa as preamble to asking her to run away with her. And that is sweet and all, but all I can find myself caring about it is that severe blonde bob. RIP Rose’s glorious red tresses.
Also, FYI: your guesses about Rose’s accomplice are ALL OVER the board. Minus Milos, who I do not think should be discounted. But Lachlan was the ultimate frontrunner, with about a third of the vote. Guess we’ll see!
Anyway, let’s try to guess Who Killed Zazo?
- Michael’s brother 7.25% (5 votes)
- Aaron Zazo 10.14% (7 votes)
- Lachlan 13.04% (9 votes)
- Lena 0% (0 votes)
- Who says he’s dead? (Roman is ALIVE.) 30.43% (21 votes)
- Petra 7.25% (5 votes)
- Magda 23.19% (16 votes)
- No one. He fell. 5.8% (4 votes)
- Other: 2.9% (2 votes)
Luisa’s Big Decision(s)
See? Luisa’s episode!
So we don’t actually get to see Luisa answer Rose. Instead, we see her crying on a sofa in the Marbella lobby after Emilio’s funeral service, where Rafael finds her and pours his heart out apologizing for how he treated her wrt the mental hospital. And because the guy can’t catch a (business) break, he can’t afford to put enough distance between that (true) apology and the next (just as true) request he has of Luisa: that she give him her share of the Marbella. Because, you see, that silent partner company he sold a 33% share to last week…has landed in Petra’s hands. (See telenovela-styled gif above) And she is trying to push the Solanos into the shadows and make hers the new public face of the hotel. And he knows how little interest Luisa has in the Marbella’s business, so rather than making her sit through meetings and make decisions, he’ll just take over her share.
It is really a win/win/win. But—and I don’t think Raf didn’t expect this!—it goes over pretty poorly when immediately following that apology, plus Emilio’s funeral, plus the news the Rose was playing them all. And Luisa doesn’t hold back from telling him exactly how shitty he’s making himself sound.
She does, at least, agree to hand over her shares. Only (and I SAW her lurking in the background!), Petra overhears this heartbreaking family discussion and immediately swoops in, sympathy face turned on full, fake story about her own ashram and shaman ready to woo Luisa into handing her 33% over to Petra. Because money, as Luisa told Raf, is the root of their family’s problems. And she wants to do all she can to help her brother dig himself out of depending upon it.
And then she disappears from the Marbella, another step ahead of Michael, who gets word of Rose’s clandestine text message run-away-with-me offer hours too late to do anything about it.
Intimacy Is Hard
… is the lesson that both Raf and Jane AND Rogelio and Xiomara have to learn this week.
The latter only appear in the episode briefly, to continue their awkward dance towards telling each other how they feel in the wake of Rogelio’s offer to take a lead role in a Mexican telenovela last week. This week, a second offer has appeared: to be the SECOND lead in his arch-nemesis’ show, which would be hard on his pride, but would keep him in Miami. Xo is unwilling to say anything to make him stay on her account, Ro is unwilling to say anything to make her feel pressured to react any certain way, and it takes Jane sitting them down in the Villanueva kitchen and acting as mediator to get them to admit what we all already know: they have very strong feelings for each other and want to see where they go. And then they act on those feelings. Oh la laaaaaaa.
And so Rogelio is going to swallow his diva pride and stay, with Xo’s love to help him shine. And Alba and Jane are going to learn to love Pasión Intergalactica, the SPACE THEMED TELENOVELA ROGELIO WILL NOW BE ON BE STILL MY TREMBLING HEART.
This is also the moment when Alba, in all her wisdom, tells Jane that being open and intimate with someone is the hardest thing, especially when you love them. And that one misstep in trust—like what she and Raf had in the first act with regards to Aaron Zazo—can make opening up about emotions even harder. Like what is going with Raf since the news of his father, him shutting Jane out of his thought (and emotional) processes entirely.
And so Jane returns to the Marbella to prepare a feast of Chinese takeout for Raf to return home to after his long day at the funeral and finding his share in the Marbella reduced to the minority.
“I don’t know what you like to eat when you’re sad,” Jane says, “but I will learn.” And then she says the thing that Raf needs to hear most: the she is so sorry that he lost his father. Nothing about Sin Rostro. Nothing about the hotel. Nothing about any Zazo of any stripe. Just—you lost your father, and I am so sorry. And also that she wants Raf to know that he can trust her with his heart. And then he does, and admits to her the struggle for his father’s approval that he’s been working through for so many years, and that he won’t ever be able to accomplish now that Emilio is dead.
He’s crying, she’s crying, we’re all crying. And then she says THE WORDS:
Rafael: “I love you, I love you.”
GIFs from talesofnorth
(It is difficult for me to watch this without tearing up, tbh. Care and mutual support and time = love. Not societal pressure. Not sexytimes. SHOW YOU ARE GREAT.)
Jane stays the night to comfort him, of course, and the next morning wakes up to the return of his glowing smile, and the declaration that they should move in together.
Dun dun DUNNNNNNNN and cue Catholic guilt.
NEXT WEEK
So…that looks promising. Of DRAMA.
About the Contributor:
Alexis Gunderson is a TV critic and audiobibliophile. A Wyoming expat, she now lives in Maryland, where she runs the DC chapter of the FYA Book Club. She can be found talking about Teen TV on Twitter, and her longform criticism can be found on Authory.
