Previously on The Originals: Hayley and Jackson get married, Finn is resurrected, Kol dies, and Klaus gives terrible wedding presents.
Klaus can be so o-fence-sive. *ba dum SWISH*
The Original Dysfunctional Family Drama
NEW ORLEANS MAGICAL MARKET: Rebekah mediates a phone call between her, Klaus, and Elijah, only to be attacked by a bunch of angry dudes with sinister rattles who seem to know the person who previously owned her new body. She can’t make her “stupid bloody magic” work, but that’s okay – Marcel, somehow knowing she is Rebekah, swoops in to save her.
FINN’S OEDIPAL FANTASYLAND: Finn is highly displeased when Freya wants to visit with Mikael, alone. “But he’s a monster,” Finncent whines, “and I suppose you’ll want time with our mother too.” Freya informs him that she’s not interested in visiting with Mommie Dearest, since Esther gave her away. Oh, that’s not going to go over well with Finn!
Freya and Finncent go to the vault where Finncent is keeping their parents, and Freya resurrects Mikael. Mikael isn’t too pleased to be woken, but looks stunned when Freya starts rattling off details only she and her father would know. Freya apparently is the one kid Mikael still likes, since he starts crying and hugging her.
KLAUS’ KLASSY KOMPOUND: Klaus wants to use the werewolf army to find Freya and Finn, but he and Jackson are butting heads. Jackson thinks the army should be busy protecting Hope, but Hayley sides with Klaus.
Jackson and Aiden argue about the mission: Aiden isn’t happy that the wolves are being used as “cannon fodder.” Klaus, overhearing, suggests to Aiden that they be strategic in finding Finn, lest his brother destroy them en masse. This works well until Aiden finds Mikael, instead, and is only spared because Freya tells Mikael to leave him alone.
In Hope’s bedroom, Jackson and Hayley start discussing the fact that they actually have to live as husband and wife – that is, do the deed. Hayley says that they should just put on some Marvin Gaye and light some candles and do it, which makes Jackson grin. Then Hope, the tiniest cockblocker, starts wailing, and our dreams of seeing Jackson shirtless are temporarily dashed. BABIES RUIN EVERYTHING.
Well, that is, until Jackson soothes the baby, brushes Hayley’s hand, AND THEY TOTALLY GO IN THE OTHER ROOM TO GET DOWN. GET IT, HAYLEY.
Klaus, on the other hand, decides to head down to the cemetery for a good old-fashioned Mikaelson showdown. Finn throws fire and an iron fence at Klaus, but Klaus quickly gains the upper hand. Just as he’s about to torture Finn (YAY), Elijah swoops in and informs Klaus that he needs the body alive. “You didn’t answer my call,” Elijah says dryly. “Well, I was a little busy,” Klaus retorts.
To make it a true reunion, Freya shows up and uses her talisman necklace to heal Finncent’s body, extract Finn, and put Vincent to sleep. “Perhaps you’ll allow your older sister to offer you a deal,” she says. With Klaus and Elijah’s help, she’ll help them protect Hope from Dahlia.
MARCEL’S DEAD SEXY DEN: Marcel pours himself a drink and suggests Rebekah thank him for helping her, which is always a great way to trigger Rebekah’s temper. Right before they start making out (okay, that’s my wishful thinking), Elijah comes in to ruin the moment and find out what happened. After they both tell Rebekah to be careful, Elijah strides away to see a witch, tossing out the line, “My charms are quite adaptable, Marcellus.”
His “charm” comes in the form of Gia, using her violin-playing abilities to show the witch, Josephine, that they are of a “different breed” with “sophistication.” Even though Gia has put on a dress and plays a Beethoven piece that Josephine “once performed to great acclaim,” she’s not interested in helping Elijah. Elijah is dismissed in the most polite Southern way possible, but Gia speaks up and wins Josephine’s amusement, if not trust.
Josephine agrees to call the witches off Rebekah’s new body in return for Finncent’s body.
Meanwhile, Marcel hires a guy named Ruben, a “local seer, sage, and prognosticator” to tell them who Rebekah’s body belongs to. The body is supposedly Eva Sinclair, a witch who stole children to channel power. Ruben bespells her and Marcel to incapacitate them, ranting about how Eva stole children and he didn’t want his son to be next. Rebekah, however, knows the antidote to the spell, and uses some heavy tchotchke to knock him into next week.
While Ruben’s knocked out, Marcel and Rebekah have a heart-to-heart about why Rebekah really left (to take care of Hope, in case you were busy screaming “KISS HER, KISS HER” at your screen). Rebekah’s ethics won’t allow her to kiss Marcel while she’s inhabiting someone else’s body. She’s also pretending she doesn’t want to, but she has a pulse, so that’s a lie.
After Marcel is asleep, Eva/Rebekah goes out for a stroll and starts siphoning power from horny teenagers. I know hormones are powerful, but this certainly is a literal interpretation!
"How did your hair stay so perfectly intact? WITCHCRAFT?"
The Original Mythology
- Freya has the power to remove a body jumper from a new body.
- Dahlia should be able to sense Hope’s magic.
The Original Body Count
- Jerrick the werewolf dies at Mikael’s hands.
The Original Elegant Uncle Elijah Ruined Suit Count: 4.5
- The suit remains intact, but Gia made me laugh when she asked him if he’d be wearing the dark suit on the left or the identical one on the right.
The Original WTF
- “I’m adapting to my audience,” Elijah says, drinking a beer.
- Whoa there, Gia and Elijah!
The Original Joseph Morgan Award For Tortured Hot People
Elijah wins all the awards this time, especially because he got some particularly good zingers this week. Also, nice callback to the time he undid Hayley’s buttons on her Casket Girls dress.
Next episode: Eva is waking up inside Rebekah’s body, and she’s angry!
Well, what did we think? Are we into Gia/Elijah doin’ it? How about Hayley and Jackson? What’s Freya’s game here? Can they put Rebekah back into Claire Holt’s body so we see more Shirtless Marcel?