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Teen Heartthrob Madness: J-14, Sweet Sixteen

It's Sophie's Choice up in here as we have to choose between Adam Brody and Christian Bale. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Teen Heartthrob Madness: J-14, Sweet Sixteen

Welcome back to the J-14 bracket! It seems I underestimated your love of Milo Ventimiglia, for Paul Walker was voted out, alongside Kevin Bacon. Unfair? Perhaps. Setting up the hardest choice of my life for this round? YES. How am I we are supposed to choose between my fake boyfriends Christian Bale and Adam Brody, I do not know. 

But first, the interactive bracket!


(1) River Phoenix vs. (5) Milo Ventimiglia

BATTLE OF THE BROODING BAD BOYS. Before dying at age 23, River Phoenix racked up 24 acting credits (including an ABC After School Special, those were the days) -- but my personal favorite is his turn as the (sexy) ne'er do well country western singer opposite Samantha Mathis and Sandra Bullock in The Thing Called Love. You have to wonder what else he would have done, had he lived, but he certainly made an impression before he died.

On the other hand, after Gilmore Girls, Milo Ventimiglia moved on to Heroes, playing Peter Petrelli. It ran four seasons, and since then, he's been popping up here and there. He's had roles on Gotham and has voice-acted in animated versions of Wolverine and Ultimate Spider-Man. For the most part, though, he's been under the radar since Heroes ended.


(3) Christian Bale vs. (2) Adam Brody

OH GOD, YOU GUYS. Choosing between these two is just not fair. How are you supposed to choose between Christian-the-intense-acting-powerhouse and Adam-the-adorkable-nerd? Why can't we have both? Why can't they both live in a mansion with me, performing Newsies songs and quoting choice Seth Cohen lines while pouring us all champagne? WHO WILL YOU CHOOSE?

Christian Bale, as we all know, has been everyone from a (sexy) hooker-murdering-psychopath to (sexy) Batman to some dude who basically wears a loincloth in Reign of Fire. Obviously he's got talent coming out his 8-pack, and I've never seen anything less than an entertaining performance from him. But is it enough to overcome...

Adam Brody, whose turn as the best boyfriend on Gilmore Girls and the indomitable Seth Cohen won him a place in our hearts? Since The O.C. ended, Adam has been in a few movies, including Mr. and Mrs. Smith, (the terrible) In the Land of Women, Life Partners (just watched, very cute!), Jennifer's Body, Lovelace (!), and the upcoming Growing Up and Other Lies. He also had a recurring role on The League, and is slated to star in the sitcom Billy & Billie. As an adult, he still has the sexy nerd thing on lock, and this is my kryptonite. I am powerless to resist. More importantly: are you?



And that's it for this round! Who did you vote for? Do you want to rumble in the comments? Join me in imagining a land where all the best heartthrobs live in perfect harmony with us, the voters (except for, perhaps, one particular heartthrob), where the booze flows and the only decision we have to make is "suit or shirtless."


Jennie's photo About the Author: Jennie Kendrick lives in San Francisco and has an excessive fondness of historical fiction, spreadsheets, turquoise sparkly things, and bourbon. She is also a literary agent with Lupine Grove Creative. When she's not reading, writing, or writing about reading, she cooks obsessively, runs an Etsy shop, and thrifts for vintage everything.