Previously on The Vampire Diaries: Caroline bribed Stefan into shutting off his humanity, Elena and Damon took a trip to The Other Side to bring back Mama Salvatore (a “dry” vampire, sort of) but left her (dessicated, hungry) Vampire Family behind with poor Kai (thanks to a vengeful Bonnie), Enzo spills the beans to Sarah about who she really is, and Bonnie gives Damon a very special gift: The Cure.
-Caroline and Stefan are having a whale of a time at college, leaving a trail of bodies and wounded co-eds in their wake. They’ve even made up games to keep it interesting, and the current challenge is for Caroline to scare this poor bartender TO DEATH. Even though she cheats to win Stefan agrees to a round of winner’s karaoke. YES.
(images courtesy of nerd-girl-gone-bad.tumblr.com)
-Enzo has taken Sarah from the hospital so he can deposit her on the steps of Chez Salvatore, except that when Mama Salvatore opens the door he looks as if he’s seen a ghost. INTERESTING. Turns out that Lily was the vampire who turned our Enzo back in 1903. FLASHBACKS AT THE READY, but not until Enzo info-dumps all over Sarah: Damon killed your mother, you were ripped from her dying body and Stefan compelled you to forget everything. (That might explain why your photography shows a morbid fascination with death, Sarah.)
Cockney Enzo is terribly cute, even with The Consumption.
Enzo was trying to leave England in 1903 but was denied entry to the ship because he was sick with TB. Lily Salvatore swoops in to offer him safe passage (after murdering a copper) and takes him to the sick bay of the ship. She compels the ship’s doctor to tell her the truth and he confesses to selling tonics to dying patients, telling them it will cure them. Lily cares for Enzo and eventually turns him, offering him a place among her “new family”, but when Enzo awakens post-transition Lily is gone, leaving him the charlatan doctor compelled and as a snack, along with a medical ward full of murdered passengers. Enzo tries to compel Sarah to forget everything he’s told her but thanks to Matt Donovan she’s on vervane. No dice, Enzo!
-Damon and Elena have just gotten out of the shower, and her idea of post-shower small talk is to poke Damon again about not giving his mom a real chance. Damon has zero f*cks to give about this lady, Elena. You are not penetrating that wall. Damon sees her as a means to an end to get his brother back. Lily has made breakfast for everyone but Elena zips off to the hospital at Jo’s request to help with Caroline and Stefan’s Tour o’ Bloodlust.
-CAROLINE FORBES IS SINGING PAT BENATAR. I will miss Karaoke Caroline once her switch gets flipped back, you guys:
(images courtesy of deivixxx.tumblr.com)
Matt and Tyler are having their Police Academy sideplot, and decide to stop by the campus bar while out for a run. Except Caroline and Stefan are there and Caroline LOVES a captive audience. She makes her two ex-boyfriends play Caroline Trivia; who among us wouldn’t LOVE to do this to our exes? Stefan wins and so now they get to kill Matt and Tyler. (I don’t think most of us would really mind if you got rid of Tyler, guys.) Tyler retaliates like the hot-headed jackass he is and Caroline manages to put Matt between herself and Tyler, resulting in Matt getting stabbed ONCE AGAIN.
Did Tyler stop being a Hybrid and I didn't notice? Entirely possible.
-Damon is racing toward Whitmore with Lily so he can present her to Stefan and get that humanity back on. He asks her to text Elena so she knows where they are and Lily admits to hearing Damon speak with Bonnie. She asks him why he hasn’t told Elena about The Cure when it’s so clear that she misses being a human. Feathers are ruffled.
-Elena is at the hospital helping Jo via her magical vampire blood and tells Jo that Kai is now trapped in another prison world. And, oh yeah, Damon and Stefan’s mom is back. Jo is relieved that she doesn’t have to worry about Kai anymore and Elena realizes that Jo is expecting. She’s happy for her but it’s tinged with a sadness that she’ll never have children of her own. She also tells Jo that she knows she can’t stay in Mystic Falls forever either; the town might start to talk if their newest GP isn’t aging.
-Damon and Lily arrive at Whitmore and Lily is super nervous about seeing Stefan. Turns out she actually didn’t return to the U.S. in 1903 to find her sons; she stopped caring about Damon and Stefan once she had her own Vampire Family and Damon is completely stone-faced during this entire exchange. We see him talking to Elena about it on the phone and she’s not entirely convinced that he has no feelings about his mother not loving him:
“It’s ok to feel hurt, Damon. Lily was the second woman who abandoned you.”
“Says the woman who never has.”
Even though he was never going to help Lily get back to her dessicated family, he relents and gives her The Ascendant in exchange for her allowing him to coach her on exactly what to say to Stefan. They go to the bar to find Stefan and Caroline is OUT OF THERE. She’s not sticking around for Good Stefan to try and switch her back, and so she stabs him in the back on her way out to get a head start. Damn. Lily lays it on nice and thick, telling Stefan that he didn’t imagine her as an angel after she died, that she came to visit him before she had to leave. She had to leave to keep them safe. We see Stefan’s humanity come back to the surface and there are lots and lots of feels. Stefan doesn’t take time to stew in his guilt, he leaves immediately to find Caroline.
-Damon gave Tyler the keys to his car so he could take Matt to the hospital, and when Elena tries to cure him with her blood he rejects it. Later in the recovery room Matt reminds her of how often he’s come close to death or HAS DIED at the hands of people who were supposed to care about him. Elena says his anger is completely justified (which it is) but Matt Donovan is officially over vampires.
-Elena tells Damon about Alaric Jr. and that she wants to throw Jo a baby shower. She shares her sadness at never having her own children and we see how conflicted Damon is; does he tell her about The Cure and risk losing her, or does he NOT tell her? As if not telling her won’t errode their relationship entirely, but this is Damon we’re talking about and it takes him a while to get around to making the right choice most times.
(images courtesy of soseiquenaoseidenada.tumblr.com)
-Enzo has waited for the vervane to leave Sarah’s system so that he can turn her. She pleads with him to give her the choice he was never given and promises that she will never approach the Salvatores. He agrees to let her go. I’m pretty sure she WILL approach the Salvatores and I’m sad because now I have no idea what purpose Enzo could have for this show anymore. Unless….
Oh yeah. Turns out Lily Salvatore is a giant liar with her pants on fire: Jo phoned her dad to tell him about Kai and his new prison world. Her pop is familiar with this world since its their coven that created it and Lily’s family are heretic/fringe components of the Gemini Coven, exiled for their ability to siphon off magic from others (similar to Kai). Once they became vampires they maintained their magical abilities because it’s not technically theirs, it’s borrowed. Lily’s family are dangerous, psychotic hybrid witch-vampires, y’all. Damon is going to be SUPER PISSED.
-“She’s cheating, that’s what’s happening.” Caroline wins by a loophole!
- “And videos of cats riding robot vacuum cleaners.” The internet truly is a wonderous thing.
-“You should stay! Caroline is taking requests.” Who DOESN’T want to see Caroline sing karaoke?
-“We’re in ‘’The Love'.” Easy there, Damon. You might actually be bonding with your mom.
-“We’re more alike than you think, Damon. Neither of us can bear the thought of being alone.” Now get me back to my insane family of magical vampires please.
-“The last thing this baby needs is an uncle psychopath.” But Kai is so much BETTER now, Jo! No..?
-“Well, looks like Whitmore is going to need a new philosophy T.A.” Ripper Stefan, I already miss you.
-“She made me a monster and then she abandoned me.” Hmm, maybe Damon, Enzo AND Stefan can finally all be friends together over their mutual loathing of Lily.
-“What if things could be different?” Damon, you are killing me over here.
-“Imagine Kai with the bloodlust of a vampire. Now imagine six of them.” FUN TIMES!
Next time on The Vampire Diaries - How to Vampire-Proof a B&B!
We all know that Nina Dobrev is leaving the show at the end of this season, so we can make the assumption that Elena will be leaving Damon and Mystic Falls. Speculations on how this is going to be achieved are welcome below in the comments. (Personally I'm holding out for Damon to do the right thing and offer her The Cure but I'm letting optimism get the better of me here.)