Previously on Reign: Bash and Kenna separated. Kenna and General Renaude got flirty. Narcisse and Catherine hooked up. Mary strategized protecting Scotland, and Francis agreed to send troops. Mary and Conde argued and cried, a lot.
I’m starting to suspect the writers of Reign have grown bored with history, based on how completely they’ve chosen to abandon it. Let’s see what they’ve made up this week!
The Intrigue
- Mary meets Conde in a snowy forest. He’s been at his estate, taking some time to think. She still refuses to leave France, but proclaims her love and will continue having an affair with him in her husband’s castle. They make out in public, again.
- Kenna feels bad that Bash is avoiding the castle because of her, but then less so when she finds out he’s been hanging out in the woods, hunting and fishing with a friend. “But you don’t have any friends.” A female friend.
- Protestant rebels have seized a monastery, killed the guards and monks, and are holding 19 children hostage. Francis, Mary and Bash decide to scramble to raise whatever soldiers they have in the castle, but it’s a strain, with so many troops in Scotland. That decision is just going to come back to bite them in the ass, like constantly.
- The nobles demand to know what Francis is doing to save their children. He’s sending an envoy to negotiate, and a rescue team if that doesn’t work. One of the nobles points out this never would have happened if they hadn’t sent all their troops to Scotland. Mary puts him in his place, while also promising that they’ll treat these children as if they were their own. Catherine actually looks approving of Mary for a change as she leads the nobles away. Mary feels terrible for the terrified children. Francis promises that they and she will be safe. But the moment is ruined when he sees that Conde has returned to court. Mary is apologetic, but Francis claims to no longer care what she does. He’s a terrible liar.
- Catherine has to endure freezing carriage rides to carry on with Narcisse, since he’s not currently welcome at court. She worries to him about Francis and his troubles, while also complaining that Conde sickens her for preying on Mary at such a vulnerable time. He suggests that Conde could be dispatched permanently. Narcisse sure knows what gets Catherine in the mood.
- Kenna and Lola speculate about who Bash could be meeting in the woods. But Kenna claims that she doesn’t want Bash back, because they still have the same problems. As they’re heading to Greer’s new place, Lola makes Kenna promise not to say a word, no matter what it looks like. Greer, looking very fancy with new hair and dark red lips, shows them around her new place, and awkwardly answers the obvious questions of “How can she afford this place and who are all those women?” She hopes they won’t judge her too harshly. They’re actually very sweet, and Lola tells her they love her and just want her to be happy and taken care of. I may have cried a little. They toast with the madam’s champagne.
- Bash reports to Francis and Mary that their hostage rescue plan isn’t going to work and that they have word that the rebels have kegs of gunpowder. They fear their plan is to blow up the monastery, taking the children with them, to make a statement. Francis starts taking it out on Mary, that he sent troops to Scotland for her, after she abandoned their marriage – a decision he made after she did so. Ugh, Francis. Don’t squander my good will. She reminds him that she was going to reclaim her country and her throne, and he would have done the same. Poor Bash has to witness this ugliness. He changes the subject by telling them he’ll lay down his life to protect these children if necessary, but that the other men they’ve chosen aren’t right for this mission.
- Bash sneaks into the monastery courtyard with some soldiers, only to be ambushed by archers immediately. He yells for them to fall back, but they mostly get killed.
- Mary has tea with Lola and Kenna. Lola wonders if there’s still hope for Mary and Francis, but Mary says he only tolerates her now. Kenna wonders about her future with Conde, if they’re not going to Scotland. Mary says Conde has risked so much for her, and Lola wonders if that means she’s confusing gratitude with love. Mary stoically claims she won’t abandon him. Yeah, that sounds like a really epic love.
- Bash reports back on the huge failure of his scouts not being able to count. He tells Francis again, these aren’t the right soldiers for this mission. Is Francis’ ear still broken? Catherine suggests General Renaude’s troops, but Francis and Mary aren’t sure, since he’s loyal to Narcisse. But they decide he’s their only hope for rescuing the children. Before leaving, Bash whispers to Francis that some of the dead guards laying outside the monastery wore Conde’s crest. They wonder how he’d risk aligning himself with radicals when he’s got everything he could want at court. They speculate that it could be a power grab.
- Renaude and Bash lead his troops off to rescue the monastery hostages. There is much swordplay and bloodshed. These kids are going to need massive therapy. They defeat the rebels, but two children were killed in the commoner’s dorm, and Renaude’s lieutenant was killed in battle.
- Conde visits Mary openly in her chambers, because these two are still terrible at discretion. He tells her that he’s just found out about his men being found dead outside the monastery. She starts to ask, but he cuts her off to let her know he had nothing to do with it, and he believes Francis is trying to implicate him. She swears Francis would protect him and see through these false accusations. She never struck me as being that naive. He says he has to leave France and begs her to come with him. She tearfully tells him she loves him, but can’t go. And OMG, seriously, this conversation again? She asks him not to run, to at least wait until the monastery situation is resolved, and she’ll help clear his name.
- Mary goes to Francis to plead on Conde’s behalf, but the nobles are already calling for his head. She tells him that Conde is still the man he knew and he deserves Francis’ trust. But Francis rightfully points out that Conde is the man who stole his wife and took advantage of her, knowing what she’d been through. But he agrees to look into it further.
- Elizabeth’s new envoy approaches Conde, knowing about the placement of his troops at the monastery and about his affair with Mary. Conde realizes the only thing France has to offer him is a noose. The envoy tells him that Elizabeth faces threats from all sides and wants a foothold in France and she accepts his offer of marriage.
- Kenna and Lola arrive back at Greer’s and are immediately mistaken for the new girls. That is a show I would watch. They’ve thoughtfully brought the fabric that Greer wanted but wasn’t welcome to shop for, all Pretty Woman-style. Kenna spots Renaude there, and sends Lola off. “And leave you eyeing a man in a whorehouse? Does that sound like a good idea?” But she does it anyway, and on her way out, Lola is recognized by Narcisse. Oh noes. But he actually just warns her to be careful, because of her position at court, and he wouldn’t want anything to endanger that. She asks him why he cares. He doesn’t know why, but he does, he tells her, as he caresses her face. He’d offer to escort her back to court, but he’s not exactly welcome there.
- Kenna gets all the gossip from Greer about various men and their perversions. Of course, Kenna is mostly just curious about Renaude. Greer claims he’s only there treating his men after the monastery mission, since they’re grumbling that unnecessary risks were taken, which resulted in the loss of the lieutenant.
- Mary is drafting a letter to Conde telling him that he’s safe while Conde and the envoy are waiting for Elizabeth, and Conde looks so nervous, he could jump out of his skin. A veiled Elizabeth and Conde jump immediately to a wedding, which is utterly ludicrous. Shouldn’t her advisors have spent days or weeks negotiating contracts? During the ceremony, we find that the woman Conde is marrying, is actually Elizabeth’s proxy. Then, the proxy has to sleep in the same bed with him to “consummate” the marriage? What is this nonsense? She offers to tell him about his new wife, but he wants to mourn Mary and his life in France. The next morning, Conde and the envoy are riding through the woods, headed for the ship, when they see smoke coming from the village. Conde is worried for Annabelle, the proxy, but the envoy insists he’ll check it out, but Conde must stay away, for safety’s sake.
- General Renaude is being fêted at court, for his monastery victory. He approaches Kenna about seeing her at the brothel, but she brings up his rescue of rich noblemen’s sons above commoner’s. He tells her a choice had to be made, and he won’t apologize for securing his place and taking the money. Then he tells her a sad tale about his own son being kidnapped two years before, and how he doesn’t know if he lives or not. He mentions that her husband showed great valor in the battle, but then he noticed that Bash headed off for another woman in the woods. Renaude said he was glad it wasn’t her, since he doesn’t take things that belong to someone else, and apparently she doesn’t belong to anyone. Gross. Get out now, girl, he thinks you’re a possession.
- The envoy comes back with Annabelle’s body. She’s dead, and every document that proves that a wedding took place is gone. Someone went to a lot of trouble to erase this event, which may explain its absence from my history books. Conde begs the envoy to take him to England so he can marry Elizabeth in person, but the envoy refuses until he receives further orders from his queen.
- Catherine breathlessly reports to Narcisse of Conde’s rumored marriage, and that the proxy is dead and the documents are missing. But there were witnesses, identifying Conde as one of the newlyweds. Narcisse warns that if Elizabeth and Conde are married, then she’s laid claim to France and can rally the French Protestants. Narcisse and Catherine both suspect each other of undoing Conde’s wedding. They both deny it, while enjoying that neither believes the other. These two are perfect for each other.
- Later, Catherine receives an update in her chambers, from one of her spies who was tailing Narcisse outside the brothel the night before. She’s pleased he wasn’t seen going in, but not happy that he met with Lola, and that it appeared to be a somewhat intimate moment.
- Francis tells Mary about Conde’s marriage to Elizabeth and the subsequent arson. She doesn’t believe it at first, but does admit that Conde was approached by the envoy weeks ago. Francis is angry that she didn’t tell him, and that he sent troops to Scotland for her, blah blah blah. Enough already, Francis. Nobody put a gun to your head. She tells him that Conde did this, because she ended the affair. But Francis still blames Mary for everything and it’s super tiresome.
History According to Reign
- Queen Elizabeth I famously never married, of course. Considering what a control freak she was, it’s hard to imagine her tying herself to a man she’d never laid eyes on, even if he was reported to be as hot as Cousin Louis. Also, considering what we saw of Mary and Francis’ wedding arrangements, Elizabeth’s advisors would likely have spent days or weeks negotiating the marriage contracts. There would have been no shotgun wedding by proxy.
Final Thoughts
- “Men die every day in France. I’m listening.” The world according to Catherine.
- “I’m a madam I suppose you could say I fell into it.” Can Greer teach a class on how to fall into lucrative careers?
- “Contempt alone is not enough to condemn a man. Even the contempt of a king.” Has Francis learned nothing from his mother?
- Wherefore art thou, Pastry Boy?
Have some predictions for what historical obstacle gets abandoned next? Leave it in the comments!
Next week: Mary confronts Conde over his treason. Francis tells Mary that he cannot allow Conde to live, and Conde is promptly seized by soldiers.
