Welcome back to the rewatch project, superfans! Week twenty-five brings a pair of genre twists, mixing in some fairy-tale fantasy and some heist/con action into our regularly scheduled horror.
Let's drink to keeping it spicy.
THE OFFICIAL FYA SUPERNATURAL DRINKING GAME:
Take a drink every time:
• There’s a corpse
• A demon possesses and/or makes a deal with some hapless schmuck
• Dean embraces the end
• Dean crams his face full of junk food
• Anyone is tied up
• Either brother picks a lock
• Someone employs a Titan of Classic Rock as an alias
• The Glorious and Faithful Impala is damaged in the line of duty
3x5: Bedtime Stories
Monster of the Week: Spirit, creepy child edition with a fairy tale twist!
little pigs chubby contractors debate the merits of building materials (cinderblock vs. wood) when they are attacked by an unseen foe. Two are horribly murdered! Posing as Detectives Page and Plant (drink), Sam and Dean interview the cinderblock enthusiast, who survived the attack. He fingers a man with a Wile E. Coyote tattoo as the perp and not a werewolf like the boys expected. After giving Sam (who claimed to be a sketch artist) a full description of the murderer, he requests to see the drawing. Sam sheepishly hands it over.
I think our ginormous friend missed his true calling.
Hansel and Gretel a lost couple hike through the woods, coming upon a little cabin where a kindly old woman invites them to come in and rest. The husband spies the pie cooling on the windowsill and can’t run in fast enough.
I love how much this show loves pie.
Too bad that pie is drugged. The old lady merrily slashes the husband’s throat. As the wife screams, a pretty little girl watches sinisterly through the window.
I think “little girl” has been the bad guy more times than demons at this point.
The Winchesters realize fairy tales are playing out in real life. Sam’s got a theory: a ghost is sending regular people into trances and making them act out various fairy tales. While saving Cinderella (a teen tied to the stove by her “suddenly nuts” stepmom), Dean spots the pretty little girl. She leads him to another room, looks at him meaningfully and then flickers out of existence leaving behind a shiny red apple.
Hello Snow White.
After considering her “long sleep” backstory, the boys check the hospital for coma patients and find their perp: a teen who’s been a coma ever since ingesting bleach as a child. As her dad sits by her bedside, reading her Little Red Riding Hood, the Wile E. Coyote guy kills an old lady in a parking lot and steals her car, then heads to pick up her red-hoodie-clad granddaughter from school.
The Winchesters do some digging and realize the girl in a coma was poisoned by her stepmother. The fairy tale thing is her lashing out, trying to get her dad’s attention. Sam tries to convince her dad of this while Dean races off to save Red Riding Hood. He’s in the middle of a knock-down drag-out with Wile E. when the dad listens to Sam and talks to his daughter’s spirit, saying he realized what happened to her and he’s ready to let her go. When he kisses her, she disappears and Wile E. stops fighting, confused as to what’s happening. This ending seems like it’s supposed to have kind of a heartwarming aspect to it, but damn, that guy just killed three people against his will. No one deserves that fate, no matter how many Looney Toons tattoos they might possess.
Brotherly Angst Quotient: Argumentative
Sam wants to summon the crossroads demon and use the newly reforged Colt to threaten her into letting Dean out of the deal. But his big brother won’t hear of anything that might trigger the “weasel out” clause of the deal and result in Sammy’s death.
“YOU’RE NOT DAD!” Sam maturely yells, but Dean is unmoved. He might not be Papa, but he’s older and as far as he’s concerned that makes him the decider. As a little sibling, I roll my eyes so hard, I can see my own brain.
Dean’s Deal: Since Dean has no interest in saving his own life, Sam tries his plan solo, summoning the Crossroads demon.
Fun fact: These two were briefly engaged.
She’s also got some opinions on his plan to save Dean’s life, chiefly, being confused as to why Sam would want to, since Dean is a broken, bossy mess. Besides, she can’t negate the deal. She’s just a saleswoman, and her unnamed boss is the one who holds the contract. It doesn’t matter if Sam kills her or not; Dean will still be claimed by hell. In a shocking move, when Sam determines she’s not useful, he shoots her right between the eyes. Was Azazel right about him coming back wrong after all?
How Drunk Are We?: Weaving down the sidewalk! Take 7 drinks for corpses and handcuffs and Led Zepplin aliases.
The Quotable Winchesters: “We gotta do research now, don’t we?” –Dean, despondently.
Moment Most Likely to Inspire Troubling Fan-Fic:
Dean says he won’t kiss the frog, but I’m sensing chemistry.
Christopher Cousins of Breaking Bad and Glee plays the Callie's dad.
3x6: Red Sky at Morning
Monster of the Week: Ghost, pirate edition
A jogger running along a harbor sees what appears to be a pirate ship passing by.
“Holy Mary Mother of God.” #GooniesShoutOut
Later, in the shower, a menacing figure appears outside the jogger’s stall, placing a dripping hand on the glass.
This is why the Hitchhiker's Guide recommends you always carry a towel, bro.
He disappears only to reappear in the shower with her where he attacks!
Surprisingly, when she turns up dead, the coroner lists her cause of death as “drowning.” Sam and Dean are on the case! They start by interviewing the woman’s elderly aunt who has a clear crush on Sam. She tells them about the girl’s phantom ship and then asks if they’re working with “Alex.”
Who is Alex, the Winchester wonder. But they don’t have to wait long for an answer. When they head to spot they parked the Impala, they find their glorious and faithful steed has been stolen! Dean doesn’t take it well.
He is calmed down.
Just before Dean has a full scale panic attack, Bela shows up! She had the car towed in retribution for the Winchesters sticking their handsome noses in her case. She’s Alex, you see, and she’s been conning old ladies like the jogger’s aunty for years, selling them faux magical items. The woman hired her to figure out the mystery of the ghost ship and she intends to do it solo.
The ghost strikes again, lying in wait in some poor schmuck’s bathtub. This victim also saw a ship and appears to have drowned. His brother is able to give the Winchesters a very detailed description of the ship because he saw it too. Sam and Dean know that means the ghost will come for him next. Bela thinks trying to save the man is a waste of time—he’s already dead.
Turns out she’s right. Though the Winchesters stake out the brother’s place, the dripping ghost appears and soon as he touches the brother, he begins spitting up water, drowning on dry land.
Bela shows up again, sharing her research. She identified the ship and found an account of a sailor being hanged on board. His body was cremated except for a severed hand which was turned into a “hand of glory,” which is currently being displayed at an especially creepy maritime museum. She’s got a plan to steal it. This plan involves Dean in a tux.
Bela is my favorite.
The thief looks open-mouthed as Dean descends the stairs like he’s the girl in a 90s teen comedy who has just rid herself of those pesky glasses and that drab ponytail.
That got less “teen” real fast.
At the gala, Dean and Bela pull off various heists and cons while Sam tries to keep his elderly date (the first victim’s aunt and the provider of the museum gala invites) from feeling him up. Auntie whispers sweet nothings in Sam’s ear, including that all of the victims were rumored to have killed members of their own families.
After Dean lays hands on the hand (heh), he tells Bela he’ll handle destroying it himself—he doesn’t trust her. And well he shouldn’t, because when the boys make it back to the Impala, they find Bela has pickpocketed the hand, leaving a glass bottle in its place. Instead of destroying it, she sells it for a stack of cash. But while she’s counting her ill-gotten gains, she sees the ghost ship in the harbor!
She comes to Sam and Dean for help. They’re reluctant to give it, especially considering that she saw the ship means that she’s killed a family member. Rather than give any details surrounding her past, she’s ready to walk away. But Sam relents and says he has a plan.
In a cemetery, the three begin performing some sort of ritual. Before it’s finished, the ghost shows! He touches Bela who immediately starts vomiting water. Sam finishes his incantation and another ghost appears. It’s the bad guy’s brother, the sea captain who had him hanged. The hanged ghost directs his vengeance more appropriately, and both disappear in a froth of water, leaving Bela shaken, but not dead.
Brotherly Angst Quotient: Rising tension
Dean says he noticed a bullet missing from the Colt and he knows Sam went after the crossroads demon. He shares that she didn’t hold the contract. Dean thinks it’s a stupid risk, Sam says he won’t apologize for trying to save him.
Bela gives them 10K instead of a thank-you. Dean insists they take it Atlantic City. He tells him he understands why Sam went after the demon. He’d have done the same thing. He tells Sam he’ll be okay if he goes away, he’s stronger than him. He says he’s sorry to put him through it. Sam says to go screw. Stop worrying about him, worry about himself, give a crap he’s dying.
Dean’s Deal: No steps are taken!
How Drunk Are We?: Irresponsibly! Take five drinks for corpses, junk food and Dean’s hedonism.
The Quotable Winchesters: Bela wins this week. About Sam: “Cute, but a bit of a drama-queen, yeah?” About Dean: “I didn’t want you thinking. You’re not very good at that.”
Moment Most Likely to Inspire Troubling Fan-Fic:
Sam’s elderly date gets handsy.
Notable Cameos: None
Next week: Evil Santa!