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Overdue…

Michelle Knudsen tells us what we already know: every librarian is an Evil Librarian.

Overdue…

BOOK REPORT for Evil Librarian by Michelle Knudsen

Cover Story: 455
Drinking Buddy: 362.29
Testosterone Estrogen Level: 306.765
Talky Talk: 020, 235.4
Bonus Factor: 792
Bromance Status: 177.62

Cover Story: 455

If you look closely, the smiley devil face is overlaying the cover of Cynthia's Italian textbook. While defacing any book is grounds for eternal damnation, it's a nice shout out to Cynthia's Italian language teacher, the first one to confront the librarian.

Riposa in pace...

The Deal:

So Cynthia is totally in love with Ryan, the handsome baritone star of her high school production of Sweeny Todd. She's totally going to marry him someday and have handsome babies. Just as soon as he notices her. Which isn't likely, as he's playing the title role and Cynthia is only technical director...sigh...

Meanwhile, a new librarian has shown up at school. Mr. Gabriel is a young man, handsome, probably just out of school. Cynthia's friend Annie is totally crushing on him. And he seems to be flirting back in an extra-curricular way. Cynthia is worried.

Especially when she wanders into the library one night and catches Mr. Gabriel in his true librarian form, complete with claws, horns, and huge, leathery wings.

Coincidentally, the principal drops dead of a 'heart attack' that night, and students start acting drained and lobotomized.

Annie is determined to be the bride of the beast. Can Cynthia take on the very forces of librarianship and hell to rescue her friend before Central High is dragged down to the Ninth Circle? Will the production of Sweeny Todd go off without a hitch? Is Ryan starting to notice her, or is he just fearing for her immortal soul? OMG!

Drinking Buddy: 362.29

So Cynthia is eventually forced to make a deal with a she-demon that involves descending into the pit and participating in a battle amongst the lords of hell. But first things first: how is she going to build the Sweeny Todd barber's chair that's like totally the centerpiece of the production? And she's totes embarrassed when she accidentally trips Ryan in the hall, but now he's kind of like noticing her. I mean, he soooo goes with her to perform the rite to send Mr. Gabriel back to the netherworld...that means he likes her, right? But does he LIKE her like her?

Okay, Cynthia is not Van Helsing. She's not Buffy. She's not even Egon Spengler. I don't know if I'd like to spend an extended period of time with Cynthia, but if I had to fight the forces of darkness and build a set, I'd be glad to have her in my corner.

Testosterone Estrogen Level: 306.765

Cynthia is pretty bad ass, not willing to surrender her best friend to Mr. Gabriel without a fight. And she and Ryan have some serious smolder going on. On the other hand, with Annie hypnotized, students becoming zombies, and teachers dropping like flies, it was kind of hard to believe she'd put so much effort into Sweeny. And it while she's constantly drooling over Ryan, it's pretty obvious that he feels the same way about her. Why wouldn't he? They're both smart and in the drama club.

On the other hand, Cynthia is somehow immune to the demon mind control rays. Mr. Gabriel calls her something in Demon which translates to 'super roach' (the demons don't think highly of humans). She's the only one who can face down the forces of evil. God help us.

I could have stood for a little more fear, a little more drama, and a little less drama club.

Talky Talk: 020, 235.4

Like Mr. Gabriel, I am a school librarian. And like all librarians, I am an entity of pure evil. There is no other profession (except perhaps car sales), so dominated by creatures of darkness. That's why I liked this book. It shows librarians (and bookshop owners) in our horns-and-all, true form.

Interesting book sales strategy, Ms. Knudsen.

Bonus Factor: 792

Mr. Gabriel is vying for the head demon in hell position or something. He needs Annie as as a concubine, which is some sort of prerequisite. Every time Cynthia and Ryan attempt to thwart him, the librarian kills a teacher, who is replaced by another demon. When this all goes down, the school will burn, students will die, and Annie will be dragged down to hell forever.

But not until after Sweeny Todd! The demons love that play! In fact, the only reason Cynthia and Ryan are still alive is that all the monsters don't want to disrupt their favorite musical. Hey, whatever it takes, man. Thank goodness they didn't do My Fair Lady this year.

Bromance Status: 177.62

I like you, Evil Librarian. But you've said too much to the mortals. And this library fine you'll pay WITH YOUR SOUL.

 

Brian Katcher's photo About the Author: Brian Katcher wrote his first YA novel when he was down and out in Mexico. He now lives in Missouri with his wonderful wife and daughter. He divides his time between writing and working as a school librarian. Brian still misses the preachy YA books of the eighties.