Welcome to week thirty-three of the Supernatural rewatch, superfans! Here’s a pair of comedy-heavy episodes, throwing a little lightness our way before the gloom-doom of the war between Heaven and Hell heats up.
THE OFFICIAL FYA SUPERNATURAL DRINKING GAME:
Take a drink every time:
• There’s a corpse
• A demon possesses and/or makes a deal with some hapless schmuck
• Dean refuses to discuss Hell
• Dean crams his face full of junk food
• Sam drinks demon blood
• Anyone is tied up
• Either brother picks a lock
• Someone employs a Titan of Classic Rock as an alias
• The Glorious and Faithful Impala is damaged in the line of duty
4x5: Monster Movie
Monster of the Week: Shapeshifter
We open with some Hitchcockian credits full of fog and an Orchestral Score of Doom that fades to the glorious Impala tearing down a lonely highway. The boys are discussing their current vampire case. Sam can’t get excited about a monster hunt because the world was about to end, but Dean disagrees, saying its about time the Winchesters got back to tackling a straightforward black and white monster case. Looks like someone has been listening to their critics.
A quick morgue visit shows the corpse has puncture marks on her neck that don’t remotely resemble an actual vampire bite. Later, the boys interview the town’s creepy drunk, Ed, who saw the murder and said it was committed by “a Dracula,” complete with cape, medallion, slicked back hair and a Transylvanian accent. Dean declares the case a wash and sets about enjoying the town’s Oktoberfest, especially its giant pretzels and the attention of a pretty barmaid named Jaime.
But the weirdo murders don’t stop. Two teens making out in a car are set upon by a werewolf, who according to the lone survivor, had a furry face and was wearing ripped up clothes. A museum security guard finds a strange sarcophagus on the loading dock, and is soon strangled to death by a mummy. When the boys arrive on scene they find a sticker on the sarcophagus indicating it came from a movie prop house.
Later, Jaime is approached after work by a man dressed as Dracula, claiming she’s his long-lost Mina. She pepper sprays him and runs. Dean shows up on the scene, punching the guy. But he fights back with super strength and in the ensuing scuffle, Dean rips his ear off. Dracula shrieks and escapes into the night. On his Vespa.
From the consistency of the ear (ew), Dean figures out Dracula’s a shapeshifter. They tell Jaime what’s up with monsters being real and all. While she processes, Sam asks if she’s noticed any creepy people fixated on her recently. She says Ed, the witness to the first movie, has a clear crush on her and also works at the movie house.
As Sam goes to find Ed, Dean stays and gets cozy with Jaime. Things are heating up between them when her fellow bartender, Lucy shows up. Jaime insists she stay and have a drink with them. Dean is annoyed. And rightly so because, as it turns out, she’s the shapeshifter. While Sam is pulling a gun on the poor, terrified Ed, “Lucy” drugs Jaime and Dean’s drinks.
Dean wakes strapped to a Frankenstein-ish table, dressed in lederhosen, because (one assumes) the show loves us very, very much, darlings. Dracula villain monologues a bit about how he’s going to electrocute Dean, but before he can, the doorbell rings. It’s the most put-upon pizza delivery boy in the world, who is stuck listening to Dracula’s concerns about whether the pizza contains garlic. When he stroppily asks if Dracula ordered garlic?
And then he pays with a coupon, and I’m guessing didn’t even tip. Monster.
Dracula bring the pizza to Jaime and insists she put on a silk gown before she eats it. She realizes “Lucy” never existed and Dracula was trying to get close to her by pretending to be her friend. Dracula sob stories by saying it’s hard growing up a shapeshifter, it alienated from his family made him lonely. Jaime isn’t buying it and starts screaming for Dean. Dracula punches her.
Sam shows up and takes a moment to mock Dean’s outfit as he unties him. While they scuffle with the monster, Jaime picks up Dean’s pistol and shoots the shapeshifter. As he falls, dying, he tells her not to weep for him.
“Bish, please.” –Jaime’s inner monologue, probably.
The next day, the boys say goodbye to Jaime, and Dean says this was a good case. Nice and simple. The monster’s dead, the hero gets the girl and all is well.
I agree. But considering Jaime actually saved Dean, in this scenario, she’s the hero and he’s the…well. Gender binaries are boring, no?
Brotherly Angst Quotient: None. The angst-ing all belongs to the Dracula/shapeshifter guy.
Paradise Lost of It All: Dean picks up a chick by telling her that he’s on “a mission from God.”
How Drunk Are We?: Indubitably. Take seven drinks for corpses piled, people tied, and Dean’s face-stuffing.
The Quotable Winchesters: “Ah, you’ve brought a repast. Excellent. Continue to be of such service and your life will be spared.” –Dracula to the pizza delivery boy.
Moment Most Likely to Inspire Troubling Fan-Fic: Dean shares his thoughts on the implications from coming back from Hell in a freshly-minted, scar-free body.
Todd Stashwick of The Originals, Justified and The Riches plays the shapeshifter in disguise as Dracula
4x6: Yellow Fever
Monster of the Week: Buruburu
A terrified Dean runs down the street chased by a fearsome foe.
He’s afraid of it because it’s dressed like a little girl.
We flash back a couple of days to the boys interviewing a coroner about a spate of heart attack deaths in otherwise healthy men as he performs an autopsy on the latest victim.
Don’t worry! That’s not blood. It’s “spleen juice.”
Later, they interview the town sheriff who, with his no-shoes-in-the-office policy and frequent application of hand sanitizer comes off a little wacky. He was a longtime buddy of Frank, and said he’d been acting jumpy before his heart attack.
As they leave the station, Dean begins acting strange. He demands they cross the street to avoid passing a gang of teens, and then drives 20 mph, refusing to make a left turn against traffic. At their next interviewee’s house, he is clearly put off by the man’s choice of pets.
The snake guy tells the Winchesters that Frank used to be a bully back in the day, but became nicer when he got married. Unfortunately, his wife committed suicide and he’d been sad ever since.
With a little help from Bobby, the boys determine Frank died of “ghost sickness” where a spirit called a buruburu infects people like a disease, making them increasingly terrified until they have a heart attack. It also passes like a normal illness. Dean was infected during the autopsy. Sam wasn’t, because this disease only targets people who are kind of dickish.
The boys have some more investigating hijinks inside an abandoned manufacturing plant, where an increasingly scared (and hilarious) Dean opts to carry a flashlight instead of a gun. Everything’s going okay until a kitten pops up unexpectedly, making Dean do this:
Kristen Bell/sloth levels of freak out.
ANYWHO. The buruburu turns out to be a former janitor at the plant, a slow-witted but gentle man who had a crush on Frank’s wife. When she turned up missing before her suicide, he assumed the janitor was responsible and tortured him, wrapping a chain around his neck and road-hauling him until he died. The sheriff covered up the murder for his friend. The sickness is making the buruburu’s way of making his victims experience his death in slow motion. Since there’s no way to find and burn all his remains, Bobby comes up with another solution—they have to scare the buruburu to death. Yeah, sure, makes sense.
Dean is sitting alone in a motel room having auditory hallucinations of hellhounds when the sheriff appears! Strung out the fear disease, he thinks Dean is a real FBI agent come to arrest him for his part in the murder cover up. As they struggle, the sheriff has a heart attack and dies. Then Dean hallucinates Lilith, who hugs him tells him its time to go back to Hell. Meanwhile, Sam heads back to the plant and he and Bobby capture the ghost, roadhauling it in the same way the janitor died. It works! Hallucination Lilith disappears and Dean survives.
It’s not really related, but after the credits there is an ENCHANTING video of Jensen lipsyncing “Eye of the Tiger.” Well worth the watch, darlings.
Brotherly Angst Quotient: Scaredy-cat
When Dean’s fear get the best of him, he delivers an epic rant on how monster hunting is crazy, and they’re both crazy for doing it, and he’s done.
Paradise Lost of It All: Dean hallucinates talking to Lilith and it’s revealed that while he was only in Hell four months, time passes differently there. To him, it felt like forty years and he remembers all of it.
How Drunk Are We?: Twirling about. Take seven drinks for corpses, Dean’s refusal to discuss Hell, and the use of aliases Tyler/Perry and reptile guy’s snakes, who are named Donny and Marie.
The Quotable Winchesters: “Who wants this life Sam? Huh? Seriously? I mean do you actually like being stuck in a car with me eight hours a day, every single day? I don't think so. I mean, I drive too fast and I listen to the same five albums over and over and over again and-and-and I sing along, I'm annoying, I know that. And you, you're gassy. You eat half a burrito and you get toxic.” -Dean
Moment Most Likely to Inspire Troubling Fan-Fic:
Dean and the town deputy share a moment.
Notable Cameos: None
Next week: Witches, who are probably unsanitary