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The Originals 3x03: I’ll See You in Hell or New Orleans

In which the infamous Mikaelson sire-line was a complete accident.

The Originals 3x03: I’ll See You in Hell or New Orleans

Previously on The Originals: Cami decided Lucien’s arrival is responsible for the murders in the Quarter. Errbody prophesied Klaus’ downfall.

Hello, friends! Hope you were craving some crazy historical wigs, because this episode really delivers. Let's hope we are now completely caught up on the past.

The Original Dysfunctional Family Drama

In this super flashback-heavy edition, we see how the Mikaelsons met Tristan and Aurora in 1002, A.D. in Marseilles. Lucien asked Klaus to deliver his declarations of love to Aurora. Of course, Klaus didn’t, because he was already getting it on with Aurora himself, and managed to maneuver it so that Lucien was the one that creepily over-protective Tristan caught with his sister, Aurora. Hot Detective Kinney questioned Lucien in his penthouse before dragging him down to the precinct. Cami shared the, surely not at all confidential, crime scene photos with Vincent, and they both invite themselves along to the police station for Lucien’s questioning. Lucien plays innocent during Kinney’s questioning, but then he reveals he knows that Cami is on the other side of the mirrored glass, and compels Kinney to allow him to speak with her alone. Lucien believes he and Cami and Vincent have something in common, as they’re all caught within the orbit of the Mikaelson family. Lucien flashes them back to Marseilles, and tells them how Klaus tried to interrupt Tristan’s punishment of Lucien, but Tristan was on to the demon family. Lucien tells them he’s being set-up, by whoever wants Klaus dead. You mean… EVERYONE? Lucien claims to be over his grudge with Klaus and is simply in town to help him. After describing how vile Tristan was, he insists that’s the real enemy.

Hayley is surprised that the French Quarter is a bit of a loud place for a baby to take a nap. Jackson calls up Freya to babysit, because she hasn’t been doing that for six months. He takes Hayley for a sparring match at Marcel’s church gym to let off steam. Jackson isn’t much for the romance? She’s stressed about the fact that Davina could send them back to being wolves at any second. Jackson gets her to work off her rage the other old-fashioned way.

Marcel’s vampire pack meeting is interrupted by hot badass, Aya, who has a message to deliver. He doesn’t want to cooperate, so she kicks his ass, and drugs him by cutting his face with poisoned jewelry. If poor Marcel had a nickel for every time someone has tried that move on him. Aya claims to want Marcel back on top in New Orleans. She says that she and her organization (Stix?) can back his reign. Elijah shows up and vouches for their power, but not their ethics. He is surprised when Tristan arrives, obviously behind Aya’s offer to Marcel. Tristan has similar warnings to Lucien’s, but in his version, he tries to convince Elijah that Lucien is the one out to exterminate their family.

Holy Fang

- Klaus figured out how to sire vampires BY ACCIDENT.

- JOSH! How are you? I’ve missed you!

- Elijah sired Aya! And knows her "intimately"? DETAILS, please.

- Oh hey, is all of Klaus’ sire-line total crazypants?

Winners and Losers

Winner: Tristan. The new man in town seemed to be everywhere at once (in Marseilles, and in New Orleans) and still has everyone guessing. And going after the Michaelson’s allies? Always a smart move.

Honorable mention: Jackson. Because you know why.

Loser: Marcel. Poor sexy got shown up by the hot new lady in town, and Elijah was dismissive as hell to him. Elijah doesn’t make a lot of mistakes, but that one might come back to bite him in the ass. Oh, like you wouldn't watch?

Original Snark

“Brother, I wonder who among our family do you suppose has the greatest predilection for betrayal?” Elijah knows how to bring the Klaus pout.

“What I am is a ruthless, unstoppable, vicious killer.” Maybe don’t use that one in your Tindr bio, Lucien.

“Maybe you should remember who your friends are. It looks like you’re gonna need ‘em.” YASSS, Marcel.

“I’m going to eliminate an old friend, before he gets his teeth into my therapist.” Typical Klaus dayplanner stuff.

“I never could resist a good spoiler.” No, Elijah, no spoilers!

“Perhaps I did stray a little too far from the shores of reason.” Klaus, and his amazing gift for understatement.

Haunting Questions

- Maybe someone should get some vervain into Det. Kinney STAT? OR do we think he faked being compelled?

- Who sired Tristan and Aurora? And why? No, seriously. They were awful even before they were vampires.

- Do we believe Klaus’ claim that he would never kill Elijah?

- Why on earth did Tristan believe that monks would make adequate babysitters for crazy Aurora?

Next: Tristan invites everyone to a ball so we can see Elijah and Marcel in tuxes, and Hayley in a gorgeous ball gown. Bless him.

Let's chat!

Kandis Seaver's photo About the Author: Kandis read adult fiction as a teenager and now makes up for it by reading all the YA she can get her hands on. (The swoonier, the better!) She lives in Austin, where she enjoys Wonder Woman collectibles, livetweeting everything, and cocktails with her FYA book club pals. She has never stopped watching Veronica Mars.