I’m in Mexico enjoying my own Marbella experience at the moment (thanks, Grandma!) but obviously not even sun, sand, and daily happy hours could keep me from Mateo’s first Christmas. Still, I’m working from my phone so will be keeping this V SHORT and will be skipping images. These pina coladas, like Jane’s feelings towards Michael, won’t stay cold forever…
THIS WEEK’S MVP(arent)
I can’t believe I thought I’d never have the opportunity to give this to Abuelo Mateo again! Ofc he’ll keep showing up in flashbacks dropping love and wisdom, like the Villanueva family trick for cooling anger before a tantrum can erupt. Unless that flashback was *completely* in Jane’s imagination, in which case the trophy should pass to Alba. Good trick, abuelos! Now just to figure out what my C A L M would be…
BEST TELENOVELA TWIST
Toss up! It’s been awhile since we had extensive daydreams from Jane, so each of those short story bait-and-switches were fun (if a little worrying, that Jane can’t write about people and situations she doesn’t know?) BUT giving Petra her own emotionally-triggered hallucination in the form of Dead Ivan was also fun. ALSO fun was the quiet meta moment between JD telling Rogelio none of the new scripts were any good, being derivative with “identity swaps and stuff,” and Michael and Susanna discovering Luisa’s mom had herself pulled an identity switch in the mental hospital. Too many of these self-referential moments will weaken the cleverness of the story, but for now: love it.
What is NOT in the running for “best twist” is Magda selling Petra out. She’s just the g-d worst.
BEST PRODUCT PLACEMENT
Interns! They get the job done.
PREVIOUSLY ON JANE THE VIRGIN
Michael broke the law and didn’t do his job right and got fired and so blew up at Raf and hurt baby Mateo in the process, because he has a terrible temper and DUH that was ALWAYS going to happen, and at first Jane didn’t believe that Raf was telling the truth about him not being the snitch to the cops, but then she discovered that he had PAID the snitch to the cops and lied about it for six months. And Jane hates lying so much! Plus, Michael. She’s now questioning her decision to jettison him from her life. I guess. At least she feels guilty that, via Raf, she is partly responsible for Michael being fired, but SPOILER he did NOT get fired and is in fact even more deeply embroiled in dangerous crime lord investigation now so literally he only could be more harmful to Mateo and Jane by returning to their lives. Wesley the Worst, secret stealer and writer of shitty Solano exposés, could tell Jane all about it! But WHATEVER.
Petra, meanwhile, just has the worst of the worst fairy tale life, having suffered a difficult pregnancy, a blackmail-induced fake marriage, and the really awful return of her awful mother, whose new hook hand murdered a month at Petra then had to help secretly bury. She has no friends. Her life is so terrible. It makes me almost as sad as Broke Rogelio is, searching for his next passion project while living on a Jane-designed budget!
THIS WEEK
Six-year-old Jane? Girl had a TEMPER. Literal steam out the ears variety, tantrums and all. Alba helped her figure out a way to calm herself down and avoid tantrums, turning the word CALM into an acrostic for all the things that made Young!Jane feel relaxed.
At age six, those things were Cheese (duh), Abuela (aw), Lists (double duh), and her Monkey (fer cute). At some point in her adult life, however, that last M changed to Michael (blech), and so her trick to calm down after realizing Rafael had been lying to her about being the reason Michael’s sergeant found out about his shady dealings with Sin Rostro and subsequently fired him, which subsequently led to Michael pushing Raf and hurting Mateo, which subsequently led to Jane punting Michael from her life…that trick is not so very helpful.
Thankfully, it occurs to her pretty quickly to change the M to Mateo, and that in turn leads her to at least TRY to work things out with Rafael for their son’s sake. Of course the two of them aren’t successful right away—fighting so vehemently in the Santa line that the mom behind them corners them later to preach the good work of couples therapy (embarrassing)—but eventually they are able to find some common ground and make peace with each other. Or rather, Jane is finally able to see Raf’s point of view, when the couples therapist (hey, don’t knock free advice) has them role play each other at the root of the issue and Jane realizes that Sin Rostro is not only an issue for Mateo, but is the murderer of Raf’s father. Between this exercise and her hot writing adviser’s misdirection-advice to write some genres outside of her comfort zone, Jane breaks through the walled garden of her own perspective. A lesson we could all use some refreshment on, really!
So Jane ends up forgiving Raf’s extreme actions, if not actually agreeing with them. Unfortunately, her seeing the grayscale of that hallway fight has the effect of returning some of her romantical feelings towards Michael—or rather, letting her allow herself to again acknowledge them. A situation which isn’t helped by Michael playing guardian angel by returning Abuelo Mateo’s carved angel treetopper that he had brought home to repair after Mateo’s baptism, right at the same moment that Alba gets the miracle of her green card and Rogelio gets the miracle of discovering his (intern’s genius) new passion project script. It’s about a time-traveling cobbler. Sure!
On the Sin Rostro/Mutter front, Luisa is keeping up appearances by being shady and weakly lusty (with Rose) and overly helpful and boldly lusty (with Detective Susanna) as Michael rejoins the official team seeking both crime lords. Rose’s Garden of Eden cover site, the one she’d been using to chat up Luisa, is no longer in service however, and the lead that brings them to the lead that brings them to a mute elderly woman registered as “Mia” (Luisa’s mom) at the the mental hospital goes bust. Sin Rostro is in the wind and Mutter Mia is a ghost! Yes, that’s sounds right for both Luisa’s luck and Michael’s detectiving skills.
Rogelio, meanwhile, is still suffering the degradation of pauper’s pizza and cut-price pedicures as he and his new unpaid intern, writer JD, search for his new passion project/big paycheck. He also, it turns out, is suffering BFF loneliness, having been cut off from his bro Michael by Jane’s dismissal of affections. It isn’t just Michael’s goofy wit Ro misses, though—it’s his advice. Specifically his advice regarding Rogelio’s occasionally resurfacing feelings of hurt and anger over Xo’s decision to keep him out of Jane’s life for 2+ decades. These feelings have been surfacing a lot recently as he has watched Jane repeatedly push Raf away and even lie to him about her and Mateo’s schedule. Thankfully he relates these worries to Xo, who has the wisdom to see her role in both his and Jane’s life and mentions to Jane the importance of not cutting Raf off entirely. Plus, it turns out that Jane is still hit by those same feelings of hurt and anger, which she admits to Rogelio later when relating what she learned in couples therapy about lying being her “trigger.” It was an honestly beautiful moment.
Throughout all of this, Petra has been busy scrubbing her suite’s floor with bleach and TRYING to scrub the image of Dead Ivan from her imagination. She eventually breaks down after her OBGYB warns her of high blood pressure and stress being bad for the baby, telling Raf just EVERYTHING about Magda, Ivan, Milos, and even the grenades. She is so worried Raf will hate her forever or turn her in, and so relieved when he just exhales and says he understands her so much better now, and is on her side to help her get Magda out of her life for good. Unfortunately, that is the exact moment the cops bust in, Magda trailing behind with a waving accusatory finger. “THAT is ze bowman who murdered Ivan, officers!”
Et tu, Mama?
NEXT TIME
Is not until January 25! Which is great news for me because Pretty Little Liars AND Teen Wolf return early in January and I may die recapping them all simultaneously. Much like Jane’s Glam-ma may die from embarrassment at Rogelio’s totally unsubtle reference to his father, her gay ex-husband. Rita Moreno, I can hardly wait to see you again!
Now, back to these pina coladas…
About the Contributor:
Alexis Gunderson is a TV critic and audiobibliophile. A Wyoming expat, she now lives in Maryland, where she runs the DC chapter of the FYA Book Club. She can be found talking about Teen TV on Twitter, and her longform criticism can be found on Authory.
