Literally! Our final two competitors were seeded (1) and (2).
Yep, Ezrugh (handily) beat Ian, while (dead) Wilden edged out (living, still toxic) Ken Dad. We aren’t sure *we* are convinced of the rightness of this, but since the ultimate winner (loser) will have been the same regardless, eh. BAN MEN.
Okay, so here are your final contenders, folks: Ezra “I’ll Be Watching You” Fitz VS Darren “Cop a Feel” Wilden.
A CASE FOR EZRUGH
Rosemary:
Here’s a dirty secret: for the first couple of seasons, I made excuses for Ezra. He seemed like a nice guy who accidentally fell for a girl who lied to him about her age. He tried to stay away from Aria because he was her teacher, and he realized that being in that power of position over her was inappropriate. Also, when not donning loungewear and pedo-scruff, Ian Harding is, objectively, hot. So yeah, not a great situation, but he wasn’t actively trying to torture and kill the girls the way some of the other men on the show were, and therefore, I probably wouldn’t have dubbed him Rosewood’s Worst in early episodes.
But that all changed when it was revealed that Ezra had known Aria’s age all along. That he’d sought her out and manipulated her for personal gain (if writing a true crime novel even counts as a “gain”), that he had kept secrets from her, stalked her, filmed her without her permission, and allowed someone else to torture her–in some situations, close to the point of death–without doing a damn thing about it. All while telling her that he loved her and continuing to persue a sexual relationship with her. He coerced, he gaslighted, he bullied, he lied, he manipulated, he stalked, and then, somehow, he had the gall to pretend to be some sort of victim. Was Nicole’s disappearance supposed to be a punishment for Ezra’s wrongdoings? Because sure, he cried over her, but he also was able to turn that punishment into a lucrative book deal that allowed him a window back into Aria’s life (and panties).
And maybe the worst part of all of this is that he is still portrayed as a romantic hero. He still gets the girl. Which is why I think Ezrugh deserves the title of Worst Man in Rosewood: because he’s still alive, still getting his way, and still convincing people that he isn’t a complete and total piece of shit.
A CASE FOR WILDEN
Alexis:
I mean, he forced Ashley into skeezy sex-for-cop-silence deal in Season 1, blamed four teenage girls he’d himself stalked while he was in high school for every ill in all of Rosewood, and probably murdered Garrett/stuffed Aria’s unconscious body into a nailed trunk with the corpse/tried to push both off the back of a moving train.
But, he’s dead. And despite Elliot, Please’s best efforts to make Wilden happen again, it just won’t work. His particularly noxious brand of black magic has already been dispersed back into the atmostphere and reabsorbed in the form of alcoholic Man Angst by those awful Rosewood men left behind.
Vote Ezra!
POLL
Okay, Alexis clearly is too biased to make any reasonably strong case for Wilden with Ezra still in the picture, so if any of you feel strongly he should edge out Aria’s eternal manpain lodestone, feel free to post your reasons in the comments.
And now (at least, until the 7A premiere), the moment of truth…
Either way this thing goes, know that we will be sitting here always, eternally, evermore shaking our heads disgustedly over the mere existence of men along with Noir!Hanna.
KISSES,
A(lexis, Catie, and Rosemary)
About the Contributor:
Alexis Gunderson is a TV critic and audiobibliophile. A Wyoming expat, she now lives in Maryland, where she runs the DC chapter of the FYA Book Club. She can be found talking about Teen TV on Twitter, and her longform criticism can be found on Authory.
