About:

Title: UnREAL S2.E01 “War”
Released: 2015
Series:  UnREAL

Previously on UnRealAnna gives herself the send-off she deserves (and the eff-you Adam deserves), while Quinn rightfully steals Everlasting from Chet and invites Rachel to be her showrunner.

UnReal is back! UnReal is back! And I am SO ready to fill that juicy, feminist-shaped hole in my life. 


The Rundown

Rachel and Quinn celebrate their Everlasting ownership like the badass kweens they are with “Money. Dick. Power.” tattoos on their wrists, then promptly throw a b-a-n-a-n-a-s party in Vegas with Brad (from the network) and their new bachelor, Darius Beck. Darius is a famous (and hot!) quarterback who is trying to clean up his image after saying, “Bitch, please,” to a reporter on national TV. That shouldn’t be scandalous, but it is, because he’s Black. Gasp! The network president is pissed, but Quinn reassures him of the ratings riches by promising wifeys ranging from racist to terrorist, then sends Rachel off to find them.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Patagonia, Chet is running and throwing spears and trying to be manly so he can get his kingdom back. File that under “Nobody Cares” along with the fact that Adam called Rachel (and she ignored it).

Everyone heads to set, but suddenly, Darius isn’t so sure that he wants to do the show. Rachel works her magic on him, while she’s working some magic of a different (read: sexuaaaal) variety on his manager Romeo, which of course Jeremy, who is back for another season (whyyyy), uses as a reason to tell Rachel’s mom that she’s still crazy. But don’t worry, he’s not doing it because he’s worried about Rachel hurting herself — in fact, he’s looking forward to seeing that happen. Because he is A DICK. Then there’s the part where he calls dibs on the wifey known as Hot Rachel and FLAMES. ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE. Rachel has the last laugh, though — she asks which crew member wanted the Kill List (the list of bachelorettes being cut early, i.e. women that the crew can hook up with) then fires him and says, “It turns out being a sexist man baby on my set has consequences.” YA BURNED.

Filming is about to start, but when Rachel finds out that the “Blacktivist” wifey, Ruby, has decided to turn down the show in order to graduate from Berkeley, she heads to campus and convinces her that TV is the ultimate platform for spreading social change. She cites The Real World as the beginning of the gay rights movement and Teen Mom as the reason why teen pregnancy is down and DAMN, RACHEL, it is great (and terrible) to see you in action again. Obviously, Ruby decides to do the show.

Chet, now super thin and crazy misogynistic, arrives on set and announces that he is taking back Everlasting, because his manhood is important (and because UnReal wants to talk about gender roles this season). Quinn shuts him down, but he runs into Darius and Romeo and makes them an offer…

Madison is also back and now a producer, though she’s got a lot to learn about creating drama. As Rachel says, “We don’t solve problems, okay? We create them, and then we point cameras at them.” She talks Madison through her interview with Chantal, a Black “socialite” wifey whose fiancee died in a crash while, it turns out, Chantal was driving. Madison brings up the fact that her own mother died recently, sobs uncontrollably, throws up after the interview is done and then says, “That was amazing.” Hello, Little Rachel.

Finally, it’s time to film the opening scene, but when the door to the limo opens to reveal the bachelor, Darius is nowhere to be found. Turns out, Chet lured him and Romeo over to his place, where he’s throwing them a party with strippers (and the network president) and promising them all kinds of things. Quinn is forced to make a compromise with Chet in order to get Darius back: the girls will meet him, not in evening gowns by the front steps, but in bikinis by the pool. UGH. GROSS.

This Week’s Wifey

It’s too early to start rooting for any of the girls, so instead, let’s look at some of the wifeys in the line-up. There’s Hot Rachel, Chantal the Socialite, Ruby the Blacktivist, Yael the Pakistani and, drum roll please, Beth Ann the Racist.

Wait, who am I kidding, it’s not too early. RUBY ALL THE WAY.

This Week’s Villain

Hmmm, is it Jeremy, the bitter, obnoxious asshole? Or is it Chet, the sexist, obnoxious asshole? I CAN’T DECIDE.

True Love, People

No signs of real romance yet, but I’m relieved that Darius won’t be repeating Adam’s storyline, i.e. hooking up with Rachel. (At least, as far as we know.)

Quinning

Quinn: “Easy there, Amy Winehouse.”

As she takes away Rachel’s cocaine.

Quinn: “He’s not that Black. He’s like Football Black.”

Explaining Darius to the network president.

Quinn: “Hell yes, he’s gonna be dating white chicks. Okay? And hopefully he’s going to be making deep, dark, nasty love to them too.”

Further explaining Darius to the network president.

Quinn: “I’m Chet, you’re Quinn. I say crazy shit, and you make it happen.”

Clarifying Rachel’s new role.

Quinn: “Chet, where did the rest of you go?”

Commenting on Chet’s ridiculous weight loss.

Quinn: “I am the queen of the freaking fairies, and I need you to get the hell out of my fairy fort, now.”

And THAT is how you kick someone out of your office.

Chet: “May the best man win.”


Quinn: “She usually does.”

Quinning.

Quinn: “You’re my girl. But I need Chet dead forever.”

DON’T WE ALL.

Burning Questions

  • Is anyone else super bummed that Chet is back on the show? I understand the need for conflict to drive the plot along but… really? Chet? I’m just so OVER HIM already. Couldn’t the writers have brought in some slick, high-powered exec to be this season’s Terrible Man? Plus, Chet’s whole masculinity/gender role thing feels so forced. I loved Season One because it was deceptively feminist — there were undercurrents of girl power amidst the tawdriness. But the messages in this premiere made me want to wear a helmet because I was getting HIT SO HARD ON THE HEAD BY THEM.

  • Does Jeremy’s transformation feel believable to you? I’m gonna go ahead and guess that if you say, “No,” it’s because you liked him in Season One. (I did!) And if you say, “HELL YES,” it’s because you’ve seen him as a douchecanoe all along.

  • Will Darius be as compelling as Adam? We’re only one episode in, but I feel like, by the end of the pilot, I already had a sense of Adam, and I was SUPER INTO THAT SENSE. Maybe Darius just needs time…

  • Why did Quinn give in so easily to Chet?! I expected more from her in that scene. 

  • In general, what did y’all think about this episode? I liked it, but at the same time, I found it a bit underwhelming. Perhaps it’s because the premise of UnReal is no longer a fresh new thing? Are we too hardened to the drama? And if so… does that make us Quinn? Because YASSSS.


Hit me up with your thoughts in the comments!

Categories:
Tags:

Sarah lives in Austin, and believes there is no such thing as a guilty pleasure, which is part of why she started FYA in 2009. Growing up, she thought she was a Mary Anne, but she's finally starting to accept the fact that she's actually a Kristy.