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The DAWSON’S CREEK Rewatch: Sherilyn Fenn Needs To Keep Her Mom-Aged Mitts Off Audrey’s Boyfriend

GROSS, Pacey. Plus ChaMM finally takes a hike and Dawson finds representation and gets some action.

The DAWSON’S CREEK Rewatch: Sherilyn Fenn Needs To Keep Her Mom-Aged Mitts Off Audrey’s Boyfriend

Follow the whole rewatch here!

Last week, on Dawson’s Creek.

Welcome back to the Dawson's Creek Rewatch Project, where Twin Peaks' Sherilyn Fenn is once again playing the harlot who swoops in and causes problems for a central relationship. DAMMIT, ANNA NARDINI, GO AWAY.

Let's drink to that harlot, up to her old tricks again!

The Dawson's Creek Drinking Game

Drink Once every time:

Joey purses her mouth or chews on her lip

Joey tucks her hair behind her ear

Sex makes Dawson and/or Joey extremely uncomfortable

Grams says "Jennifaaah"

Pacey wears a shirt that makes you want to blind yourself

Audrey declares something risqué or insane with utter confidence

Drink Twice every time:

You have literally no idea why Joey is mad

Pacey gives someone a really good hug

Cool Jen Lindley is totally crapped on by the universe

Onto the episodes!

5.20 “Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)”

Danny Brecher, Pacey's mentor and the head chef at Civilization, has split, and the restaurant is now under new management. It's now going to be a corporate chain, and Pacey's panicking. The new GM is a real ball-buster named Alex, and she doesn't seem impressed with Pacey's back-talking during the first team meeting. The key word is "SEEM," because it turns out she actually is impressed with that loud-mouth and wants to promote Pacey. But she also wants to fire Audrey, so that's not great. Pacey goes to bat for his girlfriend, as he should, and Alex seems even more impressed. So impressed, in fact, that she tells him she'll rehire Audrey, and then kisses him, which is OUTRAGEOUSLY UNPROFESSIONAL. Pacey kind of wigs and flees, and Alex looks smug. Ugh, Alex. 

Other stuff that happened in this episode: 

* Joey and ChaMM have been hooking up non-stop, and Audrey's thrilled when she sees the tell-tale scrunchie on their dorm room doorknob. Joey's main attraction to ChaMM is due to the fact that they barely know each other and they're casual, a benefit he immediately ruins when he learns his band has the opportunity to go on tour, but he decides to turn it down for Joey. He's super clingy and Joey is immensely displeased. Audrey tries to help her out by pretending to be heartbroken that Pacey and Joey have been having an affair, because Audrey rules, and this results in a SUPER FUNNY fake slap-fight between the girls.

But Joey finally comes clean to ChaMM and admits she doesn't want him to stay for her, breaking the poor dummy's heart. He tries one more grand, romantic gesture, singing "I Want You To Want Me" while playing the acoustic guitar outside her window, super emo-like, and though Audrey is very touched on Joey's behalf, Joey is hilariously unmoved. I love Joey. She throws him a bone, giving him a nice kiss goodbye, and he finally takes a hike. Good lord, ChaMM, move it along already. You have been here FOREVER.

* Oliver and Dawson have a big meeting with a potential agent named Andrew Waller, who seems legitimately interested in representing these fools for some reason. He begins to regret that decision immediately, because Oliver of course completely derails the meeting, like so much Tommy Boy. Waller basically kicks the guys out of his office, then Dawson yells at a mildly chagrined Oliver for being a gigantic idiot and ruining their only shot. He goes back to Waller and begs for another chance with a patented Dawson Leery Earnest Speech (TM), and Waller tells him he'll take a look at their next project. Promising! Just don't bring Oliver next time. 

How many times did I have to drink? 7.

The truest thing anybody said this week: Joey, frustrated at ChaMM's sudden devotion to her, sighs to Audrey, "This is so depressing. I can't even have a fling properly."

The second truest thing anybody said this week: In the same conversation, Joey says, "I'm the worst kind of person because I suck these boys into my web, and then I make them give up their dreams until they're left sad and dreamless and living in Boston." I love that Dawson's Creek is now making a joke of the way men will move heaven and earth to be with little Joey Potter. 

Guess who/most meta moment: So yes, Alex is played by Gilmore Girls' Sherilyn Fenn, who (meta!) first became famous by playing another Audrey on Twin Peaks.

Guess who x2: Waller is played by total hey-it's-that-guy Jack Plotnick.

Audrey's greatest hit: I love the way she sums up Joey's ChaMM dilemma. "Face it, it'd be hard for any girl to look into those rock-hard abs and say, 'Charlie, I'm sorry. Think you could just get the hell out of town and never call me for the rest of my life?'"

5.21 "After Hours"

Ugh, let's get this grossness out of the way. Pacey tells Alex he doesn't feel comfortable with the way she totally SEXUALLY HARASSED HIM last week, and she apologizes and promises to keep it strictly professional from here on out. But then Pacey keeps giving off very strong "I want you to keep sexually harassing me" vibes, which Alex picks up on - and unfortunately, so does Audrey. She's feeling very anxious about this new sexy woman in Pacey's life, and she should be. Pacey's been crashing at Danny's pad, and Alex stops by under some pretense of buying the place, when she starts talking about how she can feel that Pacey wants her, and she felt it when they kissed. Audrey shows up in time to hear the entire thing, and storms off, devastated. Pacey chases after her but half-heartedly, barely apologizing, and when Audrey tries to leave, he lets her. Why? So he can go back up to Danny's condo and have sex with Alex! PACEY. I am EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTED. Poor Audrey. This breaks my heart. Pacey sorta gets his comeuppance, as it turns out that Alex just wanted to see if she could get him to cheat on his girlfriend, because she's a sociopath, and she stops Pacey mid-bone-sesh. He ends the episode leaving a tortured apology on Audrey's answering machine, as she listens tearfully, refusing to pick up. GAH. I AM SO MAD AT YOU, PACEY. 

Other stuff that happened in this episode: 

* Dawson runs into Amy Lloyd at - where else? - the movie theater. They go back to her place and spend the night together, watching and talking about movies, confiding in each other and eventually having sex. It's really great, and makes me sad that (spoiler!) this is the last time we'll see Amy, because she has a way of bringing out a very non-annoying quality in Dawson. They get along great and inspire each other, but they also seem to mutually agree that this should be a one-night thing, for some reason. Maybe because stupid Dawson keeps talking about Joey, as is the Dawson Leery way. Anyway, bye Amy Lloyd. I like you. 

* It's finals time! Poor Joey is studying like crazy in the Worthington library while everyone from Audrey to Dawson to Jack stops by to bother her. Jack especially needs her help because he's failing out of college, and he needs to ace his finals to sustain his enrollment. Joey helps him a little and Grams helps him a lot (Grams!), but the person who ends up helping Jack the most is Eric the closeted frat gay. Jack stops by the frat house to ask for the notes from some of his classes, but the Head Frat Jerk refuses because Jack's no longer a brother. Eric feels bad, because he knows it's his fault Jack is no longer in the fraternity, so he stops by Grams' to help Jack study. It's nice. 

How many times did I have to drink? 4.

ILU Grams: When she's helping Jack, she offers tea, and then when she sees he's truly freaking out, amends that offer. "To hell with herbal tea. You need coffee, and a lot of it. Now hit those books. One way or another, we're gonna get you through this."

Audrey's greatest hit: She immediately understands that the only reason Pacey was able to get her re-hired at Civilization is that Alex wants to have sex with him. "Oh please. I am a terrible waitress, and everyone knows it. I would've been out of here on day one if it wasn't for my boobs."

The truest thing anybody said this week: Audrey reads Pacey the riot act, because she knows the score. "This isn't high school. This is your boss hitting on you. If you really wanted to stop it, you could have, and you didn't because you like it." :( 

WHAT SORT OF QUESTION IS THIS: Stupid Dawson asks Amy, "What makes a girl decide to spend the night with a guy she hardly knows?" and it makes me want to punch the crap out of him. Forget everything I just said about a non-annoying quality.


That's it for this week! Readers, I have a question for you: how do you feel about Pacey's behavior here? I mean, obviously it's heinous, but is it believable? On the one hand, I'd say NEVER, because Pacey's always been a loyal boyfriend. But on the other hand...he loves pushy older women, ugh. Is Alex the new Ms. Jacobs? Well, I despise her, so that's definitely one quality they have in common.

Meet me back here next Wednesday morning as we cover "The Abby" and "Swan Song," the last two episodes of Season 5! 

Meredith Borders's photo About the Author: Meredith Borders is a brewpub owner and freelance writer/editor living in Houston. Her dog's middle name is Hermione, and she makes purse decisions based almost entirely on their capacity to hold books.