Previously on The Vampire Diaries: Damon turne his humanity back on and apologized to Bonnie for leaving her, Stefan is chained up in the Salvatore Dungeon, and Cade came back through a paranormal loophole, killing the two sirens.
What Went Down
Cade has decided to settle down in Mystic Falls. Some people relocate for better property value or good schools; the Devil does it to torture his wayward minions. He frees Stefan from his chains, delighting in his obtuse explanations to Damon. He also gives Damon an ultimatum: kill 100 "bad" people or kill Caroline Forbes, otherwise you go straight to hell without passing Go or collecting $200. Damon is feeling his humanity these days, and so he tries to make a Plan B.
Caroline Forbes is trying to keep as many people safe as possible by throwing an all-day happy hour at the Grille. She offers Matt a Blood (Type V) Orange Margarita as a life insurance policy, but he declines because he'd rather die a stubborn human than become a vampire. Dorian the Intern is at the Grille trying to determine what kind of cipher-breaker Matt dug up from the Founders' Time Capsule circa 1790. He's genuinely interested in what being a vampire is like, and when Caroline starts to tell him Matt interjects with the harsh truth made even harsher by his lack of compassion for his paranormal pals. (Seriously jerky IMO.)
Bonnie decides that Enzo needs a bucket list (foreshadowing that I completely missed btw) as a way of living his immortal life to the fullest before he takes the cure and becomes human. After some race car driving and skydiving, Bonnie takes him to a home that she bought in upstate New York with her dad's life insurance money. She moved Elena there to make sure that she was safe, so she decides that it will also make a good safe house for the magical bell and tuning fork. After all, you never know who's going to be switching off their humanity or become possessed by sirens these days. She invites Enzo in and the two of them are adorableness personified.
Caroline realizes that the only way to defeat Cade is to make him vulnerable by turning him...human. Bonnie is PISSED that Caroline wants the cure for Cade, and Damon is upset that Bonnie didn't tell him that she was going to give it to Enzo. Of course Bonnie does the right thing for all of humanity and agrees. Unfortunately, Stefan is fulfilling the same mission as Damon, except that he's completely fine with killing Elena instead of 100 randos, and when Damon realizes this (thanks to a not-so-humblebrag from Cade), he tries to persuade Stefan otherwise. Evil Stefan is always one step ahead; he's compelled a notary to "sell" him Bonnie's house, excavating Enzo from the premises and stranding him on the front porch. Bonnie and Enzo have no idea what's happening, and so the last thing they expect is for Stefan to show up for Elena, KILLING ENZO in the process. Bonnie injects Stefan with the Cure, runs out to Enzo, and screams her heart out, cradling him in her arms.
I feel like I'm walking in circles with my emotions. Bonnie! Enzo! Bonnie! ENZO.
So now Stefan is going to age and die? As of right now I'm fine with that.
Vamp of the Week: Enzo St. John
I can't say enough good things about you, sir. I am so, so sorry to see you go.
Hero Hair/Nefarious Grin
Hero Hair: Whether it's rounding up the town to keep them safe from Cade, or trying to save the lives of certain ungrateful friends, Caroline Forbes was the leader we all needed this week.
Nefarious Grin: I can't even.
Damon: "Update from the outside world."
Stefan: "Don't care."
Damon: "But I do. I care so much, it hurts. But it's a good kind of hurt because my lovely humanity is back on and I am seeing the world through rose-colored glasses."
Stefan: "Oh God, when you say things like that, it really makes me regret not destroying Mystic Falls with hellfire."
Stefan: "You should be out dropping bodies and keeping our numbers up, Damon."
Damon: "Stefan Salvatore, dropping bodies is not part of a balanced, humanity-on lifestyle."
"Oh, you know, just Damon being told to kill 100 people or else kill me instead. Just standard afternoon special." - Caroline to Matt
Matt: "This isn't the town we grew up in anymore."
Caroline: "It's exactly the same as it was back then. We just didn't know any better because we were kids, playing games and burying old photos. Adults hid the darkness from us, Matt. We're the adults now."
Bonnie: "Maybe you need more time to live your vampire life to its fullest."
Enzo: "Nothing I could do as a vampire will be better than being with you as a human."
"I don't need the cure to be happy. I only need you." - Enzo to Bonnie
"I never get to have my chance. I always give it up, always do the right thing for everyone else." - Bonnie to Enzo
Is Bonnie going to come back from this? I really do NOT wanting her committing suicide to be the endgame to bring Elena back. TACKY AF.
And her sonic scream - does she now have her powers back? And what does that say about Enzo's death bringing them back?
Will Matt Donovan ever get a sense of humor?
Will Damon enjoy being the "good" Salvatore brother now?
Does the gang still need Stefan so that they can "cure" Cade? AWKWARD.
Next time on The Vampire Diaries: Holy. Eff.
Only FIVE episodes left...! I need to form a grief circle for Enzo. Come mourn with me in the comments.