Previously, on Riverdale: Josie's dad adds on to the flaming garbage pile of parents in Riverdale, Hermione forged Ronnie's name so that Fred's company would get the construction contract, Jughead and Betty found (a very pregnant) Polly, who later ran away from the Magdalene Sisters-esque place her parents had put her in, and with one kiss #Bughead was born. <3
Polly has run away, and her parents don't tell the police, instead recruiting a bunch of teens and their parents to help find her in the woods - a full DAY after she bolted. Ok. The Blossoms (seriously, Cliff - get a better rug!) decide that Polly murdered Jason, but when Alice Cooper holds a press conference to announce that Polly is pregnant with Jason's baby, Penelope Blossom quickly changes her tune.
Betty and Jughead continue to be adorable, and Archie might be jealous? I'd completely forgotten that he's supposed to be dating Valerie now (shocker - because no one cares), so this makes his possible jealousy a bit dickish, even if it's totally believable.
Jughead tries moving back in with his dad after Archie discovers that he's living in a storage closet at the high school. That goes about as well as you'd expect since his dad is an unemployed, bitter alcoholic who's currently off the wagon. Fred agrees to give him once more chance with an offer of employment, but past grievances soon surface and I don't think Jughead is going to be living anywhere but with Fred and Archie anytime soon.
Everyone was really there for each other this week; Archie had Jughead's back, Veronica's crew didn't let her down when she was trying to piss off her mom; even Cheryl ended up seeing her parents for the vile creatures they are, warning Betty that Polly isn't safe letting them "care" for her and the baby. And of course, we have this sweet little cornbread muffin being there for Betty:
This little peanut. I'm so glad that he has Betty in his life right now, y'all.
Things are patched up on the Lodge front for now; Hermione agrees to tell Hiram that she forged Veronica's signature. She's also truthful about how she's feeling about her marriage right now, and promises to keep Fred away from their home in order to keep things less awkward for Veronica.
The Coopers are, well, the Coopers. Not involving the police with Polly's disappearance seems shady AF, but not nearly as shady as the Blossoms trying to win over Polly with promises of support and money when they're really planning to have her declared an unfit mother so that they can raise the baby. Why are the parents in this town so awesomely terrible??
Archie and Jughead are enjoying watching their dads get along (for once), but this quickly comes to an end after Fred bails Jughead out of jail (and provides him with a FALSE alibi for the date of Jason's murder!). Jughead accepts his dad's suggestion that he go and live with the Andrews right now, and my heart breaks just a bit seeing the look of longing mixed with disappointment on Jughead's face.
WHAT IS JASON BLOSSOM'S LETTERMAN JACKET DOING IN JUGHEAD'S DAD'S CLOSET??
At The Chock’lit Shoppe
Remembering what both of them looked like as teens has me like, OH REALLY NOW.
Best Pop Culture Reference
I laughed out loud when Veronica referred to Jughead as "Riverdale High's very own Holden Caulfield". Aww, Ronnie. Jughead is so much better than that jackass.
A Fine Line
Kevin: You guys, oh my God!
Kevin: Cheryl tweeted, "#PollyCooperkilledmybrother, #nowheretohide, #sharpenyourpitchforks"!
THIS WHOLE DAMN CREW
The next episode isn't airing until March 30, and it looks like a DOOZIE:
Why is Mr. Weatherbee giving me such a bad, bad vibe?
Who else was silently judging Jughead's mom for not only abandoning her son but taking Jellybean??
Is Archie going to let Betty and Jughead be happy together and focus on his relationship with Valerie?
What is up with the dream that Jughead had at the beginning of the episode? Does he feel guilty for liking Betty, because Archie HAD HIS CHANCE.
What are we going to do for THREE WHOLE WEEKS without more Riverdale?? Commisserate with me in the comments!