Previously, on Riverdale: Jughead got the birthday party he never wanted, Veronica and Archie totally stayed up all night making out, and Alice Cooper saw Joaquin and FP "conspiring", ie talking close while both wearing leather jackets.
It's homecoming! Apparently it's not at all odd for Riverdale High's alumni to attend the yearly homecoming dance. Who doesn't want to get their groove on next to people old enough to remember when The Mary Tyler Moore Show premiered?
Before we dive in, can we take a minute to praise the glory that is Jughead's lustrous mane??
Don't hide your light under a bushel, Juggie. Those locks are LUSH.
It's homecoming! (Seriously - it's ONLY homecoming? Isn't that like, six weeks after school starts at most?) Cheryl has to make it super weird by asking Polly to be co-queen with her in honor of Jason. Polly is under close watch by Ma and Pa Blossom, especially since she stumbled her way into his WIG CLOSET. Why does one man need so many ginger wigs, all of which are AWFUL? While getting ready for the dance Polly is given a drug-laced milkshake by Ma Blossom, so Cheryl has to go alone. There was also a kerfuffle about the ring that Jason gave Polly, and I'm sure it's more important than I wish it was, but the gist is that there's no way that The Blossoms should have it if Jason was the last person to have it. Cheryl lies to her parents, telling them that she flushed it, but she's holding onto it - for incrimination or vindication purposes, who's to say?
Veronica is freaking out about her shady dad coming home soon, so she sets off to find out if he put FP up to the task of killing Jason or not. Archie doesn't want any part of this investigation (I mean, when Alice Cooper is involved you know it's morally ambiguous at best), but after he realizes that FP was asking Jughead about his Riverdale Murder Memoir he starts to suspect that maybe FP's new lease on life is just another disappointment for Juggie waiting to happen. Veronica and Archie snoop at FP's trailer while he and Jughead have dinner with Betty and Alice...and Mr. Cooper, who really needs to stop complaining that his wife threw a brick through his office window. You're lucky that's all she did, pal!
Even though Veronica wants to be totally casual about her night with Archie under dem sheets, Archie, of course, wants to be her boyfriend. She shuts it down, but later on while snooping she can't resist their chemistry. Plus, how can you not crush on that hot guy you duet with?
Betty continues to be the Best Girlfriend of All Time, and all that gets her is a reactionary figurative slap in the face from Jughead when he finds out about Ronnie and Archie's snooping. Jughead, you have GOT to take a breath, dude. Betty has your back - ALWAYS.
Mary Andrews is back in Riverdale, and I already love her for how much she doesn't give AF about Alice Cooper and her petty shit-stirring. She wants Archie to move to Chicago with her, is fully supportive of his music, and seems generally pretty cool. Why in the hell did she and Fred separate again??
Hermione is a bit sad that Mary is back, being a literal third wheel at homecoming, and she also finally has to admit to herself that she really doesn't know how far her husband would go for revenge. She promises Veronica that he will be out of their lives if he's responsible for Jason's death.
FP seems to have gotten his act together, but wants to get the family back together so that they can move to Toledo. Your teenage son is in love. Don't you remember what that was like?
Someone planted that gun in FP's home after Veronica and Archie left...so who was it? (My money's on Ethel.)
Cheryl, giving us some I Dream of Jeannie realness.
Where In The Hell Are Josie And Her Pussycats?
Season 2 better give us a LOT more of these amazing women, because singing the school song was not nearly enough for me this week. I want to get to know them better. Hell, I'd like to get to know Melody AT ALL. The Mayor had more dialogue than Josie this week. Come on, show.
At The Chock'lit Shoppe
The gang goes looking for Jughead at Pop's after his dad is arrested, but the poor cinnamon roll is at his dad's house, crying, alone.
OH MY GOD THAT FINAL SHOT!
ONLY TWO MORE EPISODES! And I'm pretttttty sure someone else is going to die before the end. Hopefully it will be one of the Blossom parents. Was that jealousy or disbelief or a combination of MANY feelings on Betty's face as she watched Archie and Veronica sing together? And what the hell is so important about that damn ring??