Cover A Semi-Definitive List of Worst Nightmares: A lilac background with the book title and a cat and skeleton arm

About the Book

Title: A Semi-Definitive List of Worst Nightmares
Published: 2017
Swoonworthy Scale: 8

Cover Story: Sadistically Subversive
BFF Charm: Let Me Love You
Talky Talk: Seriously Beautiful
Bonus Factor: Magical Realism
Factor: Mental Illness
Anti-Bonus Factor: Awful Grownups
Relationship Status: You Jump, I Jump

Cover Story: Sadistically Subversive

The fun purple colors and the nods to bad luck curses (black cats and skeletons, OMG) make this cover feel cutesy. But be pleasantly warned: this ain’t no sugar-spun story; there are real issues and real stakes for our intrepid heroes.

(But HOLY FREAKING SHIZZ the ARC copy has an extremely realistic looking spider on the back cover and guess what one of my biggest fears is? I flinch every time I accidentally turn this book over.)

The Deal:

Esther’s grandfather, Reg, knows Death, capital D. They met during the Vietnam war. Death actually doesn’t carry a scythe, by the way, but he does have some wicked acne scars. After their meeting, Reg and his family were cursed with the knowledge that they will die because of their greatest fears. Esther’s father suffers from agoraphobia, so he’s been living in the basement for six years; Esther’s mom can’t stop hitting the slots, and their furniture appears and disappears depending on her luck; and Esther’s twin brother fears what hides in the dark and has taped all of the light switches permanently on. As for Esther herself, well, she doesn’t quite know what her greatest fear is just yet, but she’s spent the last six years compiling an extensive list of all the worsts: small spaces, ghosts, lobsters, cliff diving, etc.

Then one day her old friend, Jonah Smallwood, pops back up in her life and promptly pickpockets her, stealing fifty bucks, a Fruit Rollup, and her list of worst nightmares. In order to get her list back from Jonah, she has to agree to face her fears one by one, which she does in hopes that she can break the curse. But unfortunately for Esther, the number one spot on her list is still blank, and the closer she gets to Jonah, the closer she may get to figuring out what might kill her.

BFF Charm: Let Me Love You

BFF charm with teary eyes hugging a heart

Esther carries a lot of anxiety around, never knowing what will trigger her worst fear, but she’s also funny and quirky (she dresses up in costumes instead of regular clothes). She tries to have a thick skin, especially because she—and everyone else—know that her family is kiiiinda weird (six years ago her mom boarded up the stairs to the second floor of their home because she swears there were ghosts moving around), but obvs it’s tough to ignore the stares and the hurtful whispers. Her family situation is way more than one girl should deal with. 

I’m handing out hugs like free candy: everyone in this book needs one! Each person is battling their own inner (and sometimes outer) demons, and not everyone is winning.

Swoonworthy Scale: 8

Jonah and Esther were friends in elementary school until he up and disappeared one day, and that betrayal is part of what makes Esther work so hard to protect her heart now. But like it or not, Jonah has suddenly reappeared, and his goofiness and flirting are wearing her down. If Esther didn’t need Jonah in her life so badly, I’d be tempted to push her out of the way; he is the whole package (and it doesn’t hurt that he looks a lot like John Boyega). Case in point: he rescues a kitten, names her Fleayonce Knowles, and lets her ride around on his shoulders like a stole. 

Talky Talk: Seriously Beautiful

I was surprised at how serious things became (see: Cover Story), but I right there for the honesty and so. Much. Heart. Sutherland mixed frank humor in with the emotional punches masterfully, until I could be smirking one minute at the irreverent tone and then sucker-punched by a completely heartbreaking moment the next (Rosemary at the top of the basement stairs just killed me). I cared so hard for all of the characters, hoping against hope that they were persevere against their fears and learn to live outside of their own heads.

Even though the Solars went to extremes in their avoidance of their worst fears, I think the story is one that anyone can relate to. Who hasn’t had moments where they were crippled by anxiety? Jonah gave Esther a gift along with the quote, “Everything you want is on the other side of fear” and this sort of becomes the central thesis of the novel, which I found to be quite touching and beautiful.

Bonus Factor: Magical Realism

Open book with moving pages in front of a glowing blue sphere and twinkle lights

I’m always down for a good straight-up fantasy, but I especially love when a seemingly “regular” contemporary contains splashes of magic that are seen as commonplace. This brand of magical realism is slightly unique in that it’s not completely clear whether there is some kind of supernatural things going on, or if the Solars are really just crazy. I’ll let you find out for yourself.

Factor: Mental Illness

Silhouette of a woman sitting sadly on the floor in front of a balcony

We delve deep into anxiety, depression, and other forms of mental illness throughout this story, and while these are weighty subjects, it thankfully never gets so dark that it’s tough to get through, or, worse, becomes very “after-school special-y”.

Anti-Bonus Factor: Awful Grownups

Boxtrolls characters

Now, Jonah’s dad is The Worst out of everyone by a long shot, but Esther’s parents can be entirely wrapped up in their own worlds. They still love her fiercely, yes, and I think they grew as time went on, but in the beginning they were quite neglectful. My heart ached for Esther’s lack of security, something every child deserves from their parents.

Relationship Status: You Jump, I Jump

Book, you pushed me out of my comfort zone and make me want to take a closer look at which fears I carry around that I can conquer. If you asked me to jump off a bridge—well, first, I’d be freaking out because I don’t like heights, but then I’d strap myself to that rope and jump right after you, because your openness and caring make me want to be brave.

FTC Full Disclosure: I received my free review copy from Penguin Young Readers. I received neither money nor peanut butter cups in exchange for this review. A Semi-Definitive List of Worst Nightmares is available now.

Stephanie (she/her) is an avid reader who moonlights at a college and calls Orlando home. Stephanie loves watching television, reading DIY blogs, planning awesome parties, Halloween decorating, and playing live-action escape games.