Jane may be back in the swing of things, but I'm obviously not. Apologies for the two-week delay; let's chat quick about what we (I) missed, before the show is back tonight!
THESE WEEKS' MVP(arent)S
In Chapter Sixty-Seven, somehow all four of these adult humans, at one time:
Somehow, there are no easily found gifs of this entire storyline available anywhere on tumblr! I CAN'T IMAGINE WHY.
What utter weirdos.
In Chapter Sixty-Eight, ALSO Rogelio, Darcy, Esteban, and Xo (they named the baby after Michael! and are working so hard to get along!), but to not double-up, let's also give a big award to Alba for her not-quite-in-law parenting of Rafael:
Whoa. Heavy. #Owlba FTW.
BEST TELENOVELA TWISTS
Nobody died!!! At least, not in Chapter Sixty-Seven. But Rafael's swing at honesty with Katherine at the end of Chapter Sixty-Eight, well, that possible death remains to be seen… (He is obviously, definitely not dead.)
BEST PRODUCT PLACEMENTS
In Chapter Sixty-Seven, obviously WONDER WOMANNNNNNNNNNNN and the crumbling of the male suprehero patriarchy, as Matelio pulls her name from the ether when to compare his newfound superpowers to.
NICE PARENTING, JANE AND RAF! You're transmitting all the correct pop culture preferences.
In Chapter Sixty-Eight? Two words: BALL. PITS.
PREVIOUSLY ON JANE THE VIRGIN
Jane's true love/husband, Michael, died; three years (and one time jump) later, she was ready to start dating again. And then fate ran her straight into Adam, her FIRST love and ALMOST husband, and they fell straight into pretty serious dating! Jane's son's dad, Raf, meanwhile, got over his unrequited love for her, then became her BFF, then fell back into his old, bad rich boy habits after his (ex-doctor) sister Luisa blackmailed him out of his share of their hotel & fortune, and his ex/other baby momma/renewed love, Petra, broke things off with him again. Now he is living with Jane and Alba and Mateo, and is "dating" cougar hotel scion Katherine in a bid to get her to front a secret deal to buy the Marbella back from Luisa, without Luisa knowing he is behind it. Oh, and Petra? She was almost killed by her twin Czech sister, who is back and working with Luisa and their con-artist, murderer mother, to prevent Petra and Rafael from succeeding at any of their schemes! Outside of the Marbella, meanwhile, Rogelio and Xo finally got married, even though Xo doesn't want more kids and Ro really had, but then surprise! Ro's ex-lover and current lady nemesis, Darci Factor, turned up pregnant! With his kid! And THEN she fell in love with his telenovela dude nemesis, Esteban! And it is all just so very much, and so, so very great.
THIS THE LAST TWO WEEKS
CHAPTER SIXTY-SEVEN: The One Where Adam Meets Mateo('s Little Fist)
The broad strokes:
1.) Petra's criminal mom, Magda—she of the criminally good caftans and matching eyepatches—came back to the Marbella to support Aneka and Luisa in their bid to ruin Petra and Rafael's lives, and to insinuate herself into the lives of Petra and Raf's adorbale and perfect twin daughters.
Despite the threat with which the show introduced her reappearance in Petra's life, thus far all Magda has managed to accomplish is give Anna and Elsa a mini-fetish fo seaglass-colored piratewear in the form of child-sized eyepatches and fake hooks, and eat all of the pickles in the Marbella's kitchen. What she has not accomplished is actually threatening Petra into retreat, or even verifying that Anezka had the correct currency exchange rates in her head when she made her accomplice deal with Luisa: they are now only on the line to get a couple tens of thousands of dollars, and Luisa spent too much time with Rose for even Magda to be able to intimidate her into renegotiating.
2.) Fabian was fired, so now the show has hired a brand new co-lead to vie with Rogelio's miniature avatar for the affections of his telenovela's still-unseen lady scientist—and it is Esteban!
Rogelio? Not. Happy. But then Darci falls in love with Esteban, and Xo talks Ro off the ledge of blowing it all up, for the future baby's sake.
3.) Adam! What a great guy. While he and Jane make a plan for Adam to meet Mateo after eight more weeks of dating (they even get down to the nuts and bolts of how Adam will win over Mateo's affections with a bag of gummy candy that Jane will "forbid" him to have, before giving in), Adam does start sneaking over to Jane's when Mateo goes to school, and one day Mateo has to double back to get something he forgot, and catches Jane and Adam in the midst of making out. And he punches him!
So now the tatted-up cat is out of the bag, and Jane's carefully outlined 8-week plan is shot. Time for Adam to meet everyone in Jane's family/life, *including* a very dismissive Rafael, who has absorbed Alba's every negative opinion of Adam before even meeting him. So Jane sets up a lunch for the two dudes to meet/Raf to see how mature and responsible Adam, the guy who lives with roommates and let Jane break her leg, actually is.
This is how mature Adam actually is:
LOOK AT HOW PROUD OF HIMSELF HE IS
Yo, Adam! I feel you. All bills and no banana peels, that's me.
Raf isn't buying it (especially after he catches Jane and Adam busting the tension of their awkward lunch by making fun of Raf's seriousness behind his back), but after a few weeks of nothing else warming Raf up to Adam, Jane convinces him to do a dude's day at a baseball game, just the two of them and Mateo. And Adam is actually really great with him, convincing him he has superpowers and getting him cotton candy, the works. But…Raf sees texts from another woman on Adam's phone while Adam's getting said cotton candy, along with a phot preview of some heaving cleavage, and he naturally thinks the worst. But psych! Whether you believe me or not, I totally called it: what Adam was working on was his own version of cover art for Jane's novel, which awful art she had been fighting with her publisher with throughout the episode. He is so sweet and great! And Jane finally wears Raf down to accept him existing—well, that, and the fact that a day finally arrives when no one else is available to babysit Mateo, and Raf has to agree to give Adam the shot.
It goes great, of course! Adam and Mateo get along really well, and even choreograph a dance to Rocky Horror Picture Show's "Time Warp."
Portrait of Jane, Jane's Small Son, and Jane's Large Adult Son
It is all very sweet and fun, but then…Mateo asks Adam to sit with him on the Porch Swing of Important Conversations, and tells Adam point-blank that Jane was sad about Michael dying for so long, that Adam can't make her sad, or die. And Adam promises him.
…and then goes to bed that night with Jane, finally ready to admit what he had been denying to himself, Jane, and his roommates all episode: he is panicking.
4.) The baby! Rogelio works really hard all episode to not blow up over Esteban and Darci having loud pregnancy sex in the neighboring dressing room, or over Esteban making extensive plot and dialogue notes on what used to be the Rogelio show, but when Esteban talks Darci into a homebirth, that is a step too far, and Rogelio tries to forbid it. Obviously this is the exact wrong move, both because Darci is a fierce momma dragon, and because even as the dad, he doesn't get a say over Darci's bodily decisions. XO, even, backs her up on this.
But while she was on Darci's side re: her pregnancy, her choice, she can tell hRogelio is having trouble with everything, and finally gets him to open up: he's freaked out that Esteban will end up taking over all the moments with the new baby that Rogelio missed with Jane in the first place, and he doesn't want to burn any bridges that might push him even further to the sidelines than Darci and Esteban are already doing just by being so into each other.
Xo's advice? Stick it out, and don't let them bully him into giving in. They agree to Darci's one-upping declaration that she will do the home birth and Xo and Ro's house, and Xo makes sure that Rogelio doesn't get bullied out of the room, or out of supporting Darci when she is finally in the bath, pushing. At Xo's nudge (well, in extreme response to Xo's nudge), when it gets down to the birthing wire, Rogelio whips off his shirt and pants and gets right in the tub with her, and, with Esteban shirtless at Darci's back, the three of them help bring Jane's new baby sister into the world.
CHAPTER SIXTY-EIGHT: The One Where Adam and Jane Take a Week to (Not) Panic, and Rafael Gets Real With Katherine
Yes, we'll get to the drama of the adults in a second, but first, a baby sister(s) photo shoot:
Okay, broad strokes again!
1) When Jane asks Petra to set her up on a business lunch with Petra's hot literary agent pal and Petra just straight up agrees, the two frenemies, evidently new BFFs, realize that without Raf in between them, they can just…get along. They are both so relieved to hear it!
2.) Unfortunately, their relief is cut incredibly short as a ship's wheel chandelier crashes down in the Marbella dining room alongside them, raining termites down behind it. Evacuation time!!!!!
Luisa, of course, is behind it—part of her own scheme with the sketchy dude "Rose" "sent" "to help" Luisa get the money Rose needs to effect her escape, by burning the hotel down to collect the insurance money—but Petra has no idea. She is still trying to operate the hotel with Luisa, the two of them at an uneasy detente, and thus while she doesn't expect Luisa to be necessarily forthcoming, she is surprised at home friendly and on-top-of-things Luisa seems when she goes to confirm fumigation details with her later.
Little does Petra know, Luisa's friendliness was a ruse! (Duh.) A ruse to keep Petra out of the office, since she can't see Luisa's sketchy friend. Literally, his words verbatim, "she can't see me." And, spoiler! She can't. Literally no one else but Luisa can, because Luisa is hallucinating him. She's gone back over to the crazy side, and is letting an imaginary sketchball hide her own arson-y inclinations from herself! Anezka, thankfully, figures it out, when she comes upon Luisa later that night as she is about to start the fire, and lo and behold, the Czech Doofuses finally have something with which to leverage something from someone. They choose Petra, and reveal their secret, for the price of Petra cutting them in on the final deal. Petra agrees, for the price of them leaving the country when the deal is cut, and never, ever coming back.
3.) Wait, nevermind, Jane and Petra aren't BFFs anymore, because Jane discovers that Raf, after all his high-horsing with Adam just the episode before, went behind her back and introduced Mateo to Katherine without telling her—and not because he actually is planning a future with Katherine like Jane is with Adam, but in order to use his kids as pawns to convince Katherine he is for real, so that she will stay on long enough for their Marbella buy-back to go through. But Katherine is a legit terrible influence, giving Mateo a tablet when Jane has a no-screen rule, threatening Jane's job as her future boss, just generally being the worst. But every time Raf has the opportunity to come clean and try to make the deal without being a sleaze, he just doubles down—both because he genuinely thinks it is the best play, and because he is tired of Jane's judgmentalness about his socioeconomic character/preferences.
So, Jane turns to Petra. They're new BFFs! Petra will totally be on her side! Only, Petra isn't. She wants/needs the deal to go through as much as Raf does, and so she not only forbids Jane from meddling (or else she won't set up the lunch meeting with the agent friend), but forbids her from delivering the letter Jane writes when she can't help herself from meddling just a bit. And, when Raf misses their first family brunch ever because he is on a yacht with Katherine, Jane and Petra finally have it out.
Petra wins the ball pit fight and shreds the letter, but Jane has it memorized and races to the dock to just say everything she has to say about how Raf is a better person than all of this, in person. But joke's on her: he is unmoved, and ultimately triples down on his ruse with Katherine, telling her he's falling in love with her. It isn't until Alba finally steps in and counters Raf's complaints about Jane not understanding what it is like to have money and lose it, explaining how her husband left a wealthy life and inheritance to be with her and move to America, and never lost sense of himself and his honor, that he finally comes to his senses and goes to be honest with Katherine before the deal is made.
She runs him over with her car, and leaves him bleeding on the pavement.
4.) Rogelio and Darci are working SO HARD to get along…and they are succeeding! The biggest issue they face right now (well, other than Xo keeping her distance, which it turns out is just self-preservation so she doesn't lose her new career and independence to having a baby in her life, which Rogelio reacts to perfectly and immediately)? Naming the baby. They spend al episode trying out name after name—Rogelio working especially hard to find something he might like better than Amada, which is very good, but was also Esteban's contribution, along with being the name of one of Ryan Gosling's daughters—but ultimately they can't find anything they like better than, just, Baby. It's weird, but sure! And Darci is willing to let Rogelio pick the middle name, if he goes along with her on this. So at long last, they present their baby to the family: Baby Michaelina De La Vega Factor. YEP. Michaelina! After Michael, who was, Rogelio reminds us all with genuine emotion, Rogelio's best friend. It is very lovely.
5.) Adam! Jane and Adam spend the majority of this episode on a week-long break, which they decided they both needed to give Adam time to wrap his head around his panic, and Jane time to think about what their future could look like relative to her own needs. They make it almost the whole week, but when Jane is distracted writing her letter to Rafael, Mateo takes her phone and videochats Adam, and invites himself over to see all of Adam's comics. Jane tries to squash it, but Adam says yes!
So they go over, and…Mateo immediately starts knocking things down, then throws a fit when Jane pulls the mom card. Later, when she and Adam are on the phone discussing it, Adam exclaims over how that experience was actually great, because he had been worried about what having a kid around would mean, but now he knows "I could put up with it." DING DING DING. ADAM. Wrong choice of words, my dude! Jane immediately tries to shut things down, using his poor choice of words as an excuse to break things off. Well, she would say "valid reason," but when she talks with her mom about it later, she is made wise to the fact that it really was an excuse: inviting Adam in for real and good would be a serious move, and maybe Jane was pulling what Raf was in doubling down on his Katherine plan: using "for my family" as an excuse to cover for what about herself she didn't want to get hurt. And Alba points out that Adam taking the week to think showed maturity, and that reacting to Mateo's tantrum in the way he did wasn't rude or an indication that he will "just be putting up with" anything—it was a reasonable reaction to having a kid, from a non-kid-having perspective.
So Jane and Adam talk, and Jane admits that she was still kind of hung up on how he left her back when they were 19, and got a flash of something like that happening again, if Mateo ended up being "too much to put up with." Adam assures her it won't, and reminds her that he is very very bad with words, and voila! They are back together.
Lina is BACK. And about to get married. And Jane? She's ready to meddle! BBF shenanigans 5ever, please and thank you.