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RIVERDALE 2x14: The Hills Have Eyes

Our favorite foursome head to a Cabin in the Woods for the weekend. What could possibly go wrong?

RIVERDALE 2x14: The Hills Have Eyes

Previously, on Riverdale: Chic has made accomplices of Betty and Alice, Betty tells Jughead about the murder, Hiram Lodge is awful, and FP & Alice HELD HANDS.

The Rundown

Bottle episode! Sort of! Hiram offers their vacation home for the weekend to four teenagers including his own daughter, because that's how things roll in Riverdale. Shadow Lake is full of mist and fog this year, and my Murderino radar is UP. Cheryl is feeling super petty so she tells Jughead about Betty and Archie's kiss, things get pretty interesting in the hot tub, and there is a LOT of product placement for Love, Simon.

The Teens

Jughead is still (rightfully suspicious) of Hiram Lodge, even when he buys the trailer park and relieves the tenants of all debts. Archie, B & V all agree that he's overreacting until Alice calls Betty to inform her that Hal has sold the Riverdale Register to Lodge too. Hmm, that game of Monopoly they're playing at the cabin is HASHTAG FORESHADOWING. Veronica is annoyed that Archie knew that her dad's henchman was lurking nearby, AND that he's a bit out of sorts after she kissed Jughead in the hot tub (that kiss was SUPER awkward with ZERO chemistry). She flirts with the local rubes at the country store who later break into the cabin. 

He was not ready for Veronica Lodge, no he was not!

Chic's creepiness factor just keeps ramping up with every single episode and it's boring me tbh.

Josie confronts her mom about her relationship with Sheriff Keller, and her mom confesses that divorce proceedings are gung-ho. Hi, Josie? Your dad is awful and he's never around. You are both better off, I promise. She angrily tells Kevin about everything which leaves his dad scrambling to contact his wife who is serving overseas. Kevin really needs a man, but that man is NOT Moose, who clearly lied to Kevin about Midge knowing about them.

You may want to give Fangs the Serpent a chance, Kevin. Because Moose is a jerk.

Cheryl and Toni have a MOMENT at Pop's after the movies and we find out that Cheryl had a crush on her BFF in junior high that her mother squashed like the evil harpy she is. (TONI + CHERYL IS HAPPENING, Y'ALL!)

The Grown-Ups

Hiram's henchman kills one of the intruders at the cabin (WAY HARSH, DUDE) and Hiram just sort of expects Archie to be ok with it while also NOT telling Veronica about it. Penelope Blossom is a walking, sentient trash heap whose emotional torment of her daughter knows no bounds. When I saw Cheryl gazing at her mother with her "date" out of the window all I could do was hope that she's going to burn that mf'er to the ground. 

The Clues

Mystery, what mystery?

Outfit MVP

GIRL. Why are you so damn fine?

A Fine Line

Midge: So, Kevin, who are you meeting at the movie? Some dreamboat?
Kevin: Oh, no, I don’t have a date. I’m just going to this gay rom-com alone.
Midge: What? No, no, that’s crazy! We need to find you someone. What about one of those new Southside guys? I hear one of them is gay.
Kevin: If it’s Fangs Fogarty, I don’t think I can date someone named “Fangs.”
Moose: I don’t know, he’s a good-looking dude.
Midge: Oh my God, please, what do you know you big lug?

Burning Questions

Has Chic already murdered Hal? I mean, that's clearly coming, right?

Does Jughead prefer Blonde Betty or Bettie Page-Betty?

When are we going to get to meet Fangs??

What musical was Kevin envisioning for Josie's star vehicle? 

What's Coming

"That's right, I said INBRED." 
So much is happening, and yet so much...isn't? Come dish with me in the comments!

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Categories: Tubin' Tags: cwriverdale
Amanda Reid's photo About the Author: Amanda R. is an East Coast girl living in California who will never stop missing a true autumn. She's a bookseller who specializes in kid and teen lit, the leader of FYA Oakland, and bakes a damn fine pie.