Good morning, FYA-land! Please join me in welcoming Lizmet B. Playrose to the Smarty Pants stage! As you may have guessed, she derived her nom de plume from our Hunger Games Name Generator, and in addition to consuming massive amounts of sugar, she works on her writing blog and participates in National Novel Writing Month (because she obvs wants to make us look lazy). Now Lizmet, get out here and show ’em what you got!
One of my favorite features of FYA is the drinking games. Oh, how I love the drinking games. The sheer amount of drinking that goes on as a result of this website must be epic, and I can only imagine the times that are being had by people across the country, sneaking what must be humongous amounts of alcohol into theaters to play the Eclipse drinking game.
I would love to play the drinking games. I think I would have the most fun a human being ever had, and my parties would rock, and I would become the Queen of Fun. The only problem is… I don’t drink. Lips that have touched the bottle, etc. When I realized that the most awesome part of being an FYA-er was passing me by, I cried unto the heavens in sorrow. “WHY?” I plead. “WHY must this awesomeness pass me by? How can I participate in the love?”
I mean, it would be too easy, and also pretty pointless, to just substitute the alcohol with, like, soda or juice or something. Talk about LAME. But then it occurred to me. The thing I already love putting in my mouth during movies or while reading: CANDY. And all of a sudden the Non-Drinking Game was born.
If you are pregnant, nursing, have taken a vow of temperance, or just really like candy, just take any of the drinking games on this site and use this conversion system, and you too can participate in the drinking fun! Only without, you know, the drinking. My candy of choice is Reese’s Pieces, but you can substitute any kind of candy that comes in small bits: M&Ms, fun sized versions, Sour Patch Kids (ooh, that would be hardcore). I guess, if you wanted to be HEALTHY, you could even use peanuts or something, but I only said I don’t drink, I never said I don’t indulge in destructive behaviors.
The Official FYA Non-Drinking Game Conversation System
- Every time it says “Take one drink,” eat one piece of candy.
- For “Take one shot,” eat a handful of candy.
- To “chug,” pop as many pieces of candy in your mouth as you can WITHOUT swallowing. You may attempt to chew and swallow once the chug-worthy thing ends.
Some restrictions apply. Not available in all areas. Void where prohibited. If you have a history of heart disease, kidney failure, liver failure, leprosy, zombie attacks, werewolf bites or vampirism, please consult your physician before participating in The Non-Drinking Game. The Non-Drinking Game is not for everyone. To see if it is right for you, please consult your doctor. Must be 18 or older to participate. (Actually, that one doesn’t make sense, in this context.)
And that’s it. Pretty simple. You can still enjoy the spirit of the drinking game without endangering your liver. Your waistline, on the other hand…
About the Contributor:
This post was written by Lizmet B. Playrose.