Previous episode: “Escape from Sutton Island”
Welcome back to The Lying Game! Do you have any idea what is going on in this show? I don’t! But I suppose that is to be expected when you only watch one out of every three episodes. But I do read the recaps.
Last week Laurel swiped a certain special card at the grifter ATM. And her parents catch her! Eduardo may or may not have died and I may or may not care enough to find out. Char is dating that creepy guy who steals laptops for hire. Poor Twin and Ethan are still broken up/fighting about something/acting like they’re dating anyway. Sutton has been arrested because they think she’s Poor Twin. And Travis the creepy foster brother has showed up at the Mercers. What will happen this week? My guess? Not much!
Sutton is in jail! While Poor Twin is at school, wearing an extremely ugly shirt with black slacks that make her look like even more of a forty year old than she normally does. Seriously, why does this show dress these girls this way? I am supposed to be envious of the clothes I see on TV, not horrified by them. I think Poor Twin is attempting to deal with the creepy foster brother situation, but I can’t be sure. My notes on this part of the show are a bit sporadic, since I was trying to type and eat spaghetti.
Everyone who matters (which means not you, burn) is hanging around Char’s pool. Mads calls the hospital and finds out that Eduardo has been moved to another hospital. She is super offended that they won’t tell her, random girl calling on the phone, exactly where he is. I guess she doesn’t understand things like patient confidentiality. Also, is Eduardo really at another hospital? Or just dead? The world may never know. Char decides they should all comfort Mads by watching Real Housewives. I think they are trying to make Char likable/relatable and failing. Everyone is super horrified when Poor Twin says she’s too busy to sit around, watching comfort TV with Mads, the girl who is sad that she can’t hospital stalk the much older man she forced to kiss her once.
At the Mercer house. Mercer Mom and Dad are pissed at Laurel. They seem to be more upset that she was sleeping in a poor/dirty/abandoned house than about the sexing thing. Laurel lies and tries to convince them she didn’t have sex with grafter Justin. That he said she was worth waiting for. And that was all true! Right up until the moment their genitals collided. The Mercer parents want to call whatever human person pound you call when kids don’t have homes. Laurel is upset because she doesn’t want him to get stuck in foster care. It’s not his fault his parents abandoned him, Laurel argues. And if he gets taken away, then he can’t pursue his dream of being on an expensive public school golf team! What if he gets taken away to a POOR SCHOOL. With NO GOLF. The horror.
Back at Mads house. Mads and Thayer still hate Nathan Petrelli. He is trying to act super nice, which is obviously an act, but I can’t figure out what on earth he is hoping to accomplish. Mads asks Nathan Petrelli about Sutton’s adoption. For some reason, these girls keep asking their parents questions. It’s like they have yet to realize their parents are lying about everything, all the time.
Poor Twin is gathering up jewelry from Char. I think I forgot to mention that Travis the Creepy Foster Brother is extorting Poor Twin. He wants her to let him steal from the Mercers. All the jewelry she’s gathered up is fake, costume jewelry. Yeah, I’m sure no one will notice. Poor Twin seems to be under the misconception that she’s tricky and clever.
WHAT THE DUCK? You know how there is that terrifying movie called Real Steel, which is about Rock Em Sock Em Robots and stars Hugh Jackman? And for some reason they are ALWAYS playing previews for it during The Lying Game. And sometimes I talk about it in my recaps? WELL THE MOVIE AND THE SHOW HAVE SOME SORT OF CIRCLE JERK RELATIONSHIP GOING, BECAUSE HUGH JACKSON…beautiful, precious Hugh Jackson, just came on my TVto tell me that I’m watching The Lying Game. Is he seriously shilling for The Lying Game? Hugh! You’re too good for that! Hell, I’m too good for that! What are you letting them do to you!?!
Sutton is in jail, orange jumpsuit at all. She is asking the social worker guy there for some allergy pillows and whatnot. I’m not sure if reminding us that Sutton is a horrible and unreasonable human is supposed to be funny or what? The social worker guy tells her to stop lying about the whole “identical twin” scenario that she keeps going on about. Err, don’t they have a file on Emma or something? I mean, I know Emma is supposed to be a foster kid, but shouldn’t there be SOME sort of record on where she came from? Or else, how the hell did Poor Twin and Sutton find each other in the first place? The show totally glossed over that.
Travis arrives at the Mercer house to pick up the fake jewelry. Then he decides to try and get his tongue all up in Poor Twin’s mouth. And in a classic move only seen on TV and movies, she stands there, letting him do it for JUST LONG ENOUGH for Ethan to witness. THEN pushes him off in disgust. Poor Twin sees Ethan at school the next day. He acts all pissy and she doesn’t know why. Mercer Dad sets Justin up at the Club House at the Country Club. Good job Mercer dad! You’ve just picked the place your first grandchild will be made!
The Mercer parents are discussing going on a “romantic getaway” to Sedona. Aren’t these people supposed to be rich? I mean, can’t they afford to travel outside of the state? Or are they the nouveau riche type that don’t really have any money because they spent all of it on stupid and ridiculous things, like the world’s largest walk-in closet full of thousands of heinously ugly and expensive trophy wife outfits for their 16 year old daughter? Probably? Also, their romantic getaway is really a plastic surgery conference. Of course Mercer dad is a plastic surgeon. They eventually decide they will go on the world’s least romantic, romantic getaway, but clearly don’t trust their daughters to be left alone. Successful parenting!
Nathan Petrelli gets a phone call. It’s from crazy birth mom Annie! Apparently Nathan Petrelli convinced her a long time ago that she killed Emma. And that she should give Sutton to a new home since she’s a baby killer. But she saw Sutton! And Sutton said Emma is alive! Nathan Petrelli tries to say Sutton is a schizophrenic. Nathan Petrelli is obviously evil, with no morals whatsoever, but man, that really pisses me off. Sure, baby-nap all you want, but don’t go around lying and saying other people have mental diseases! That’s just tacky!
Back at the Mercer House. Earlier Laurel told Poor Twin they were going to “bring down the house” once their parents were gone. Apparently “bring down the house” means play music quickly, look at old photo albums and bust out the cheese grater. This is about the lamest party ever. When Mads arrives, she has actually brought flowers, because again, these girls are forty. Char is making out with that creepy laptop stealing whose name I don’t know. Lovely.
Thayer goes out to chat with Poor Twin. He’s the only one at this party who knows she’s Emma, apparently. They have a heart to heart about their relationship dramz. Thayer is bummed that Sutton doesn’t want anything to do with him after they possibly (!?) boned.
Plastic surgery conference. Some weirdo dude comes up and tries to talk to the Mercer parents. He hung out with Mercer Dad, like, 20 years ago. He proceeds to call the wife Annie. Uh oh, that’s birth mom’s name! He tries to play it cool, like it was an accident, but the damage was done. I can tell you Mercer Dad is definitely going to be in the Dog House. That is so awkward and SO obvious. Mercer Mom, figure it out!
Poor Twin and Ethan are talking their shit out. Seriously, I can’t even follow these conversations. Someone suggests they all play Never Have I Ever. I even can’t think of a group of fictional people I would LESS like to play that game with than this one.
Back in the hotel room. Mercer Mom is wondering about that guy who called her Annie. She’s never been to Santa Barbara, which is where he claims they all met. Lady, you just caught your husband cheating on you. Figure it out! World’s most boring party continues with world’s most boring game of Never Have I Ever. Ethan calls Poor Twin out on making out with Travis, but she totally doesn’t get it. Mercer Dad gets a text from Nathan Petrelli about Annie calling.
Laurel goes home with Justin, which is totes against the rules. Poor Twin in somehow drunk from her many sips of a single solo cup mixed drink. She tries to proposition Ethan, but fails spectacularly. Well, at least one sister is getting laid tonight! Though, just looking at Grifter Justin tells me it probably won’t be very enjoyable.
Nathan Petrelli is trying to be nice to Thayer. it’s true that Nathan was totally trying to pressure Thayer to go to law school. Which, is super crazy because Thayer is in high school. There is this thing called college you have to go to first. Nathan Petrelli says he will drop the law school thing. He gives Thayer 20 grand to pursue his video game app dreams. It seems like he’s really paying him 20 grand to stay away from Sutton somehow. I really don’t understand. Obviously Nathan Petrelli is a master manipulator because I have no idea what he is trying to accomplish with either Thayer or Mads.
Laurel is at Grifter Justin’s apartment. He has some shady box than he spazzes about when she mentions it. He was weird when Mercer Dad tried to touch it too. Why the fuck doesn’t he just hide it if he’s going to act like this? Back at the Mercer house. Sutton tries to call from prison but Poor Twin is too hungover to answer. But Travis has broken in! And he’s pissed about the fake jewelry. He starts acting all assaulty toward Poor Twin. And Deus Ex Ethan! Thank god Poor Twin picks boyfriends who stalk her or she could have been hurt.
Laurel wakes up at Justin’s. She goes to open the secret box. But she’s too damn loud about it and he catches her. Turns out there’s a bracelet in it for her? That was a boring reveal.
Ethan and Poor Twin are dragging Travis out of the house. Now Ethan knows about Travis and that the kiss with him was a forced kiss. Hurray, they’ve made up! Even though I totally don’t care! Sutton calls again in the morning. Laurel answers and doesn’t realize it’s the real Sutton. Real Sutton loses her one phone call. So she writes a letter to her parents exposing Poor Twin as an imposter. Mercer Dad comments on Laurel’s bracelet. Something is shady with it. Grifter Justin has a family picture of the Mercer’s in house box. Looks like he moved to this town for the Mercers, not for golf. Back at the hospital…and crazy Annie has run away!
Thayer found out that someone posted bail for Sutton. Uh oh, it was . But Emma’s friend Lexi comes and snags her first. The end!
So what did you all think? Are you all happy that Poor Twin and Ethan worked their shit out? Or could you give a flying fuck. Does anyone else think that maybe Grifter Justin is really some relative of birth mom Annie? And that he’s trying to fuck (literally!) with the Mercers? And the most important question…where is crazy Annie!?
