A couple of weeks ago, we explained to you that you definitely need to watch Friday Night Lights if you haven’t already. Did you take our advice? I very much hope so, because if you didn’t, we’re making sure you get evicted and have to live on the streets. Just kidding! We probably won’t do that! But I don’t understand why you won’t just listen to your wise old Aunt Erin and spend some time getting to know the amazing men, women, boys and girls who call Dillon, Texas home. What’s wrong with you? Have I ever steered you wrong before? I mean other than that one time with the ostrich and the showgirl. But I maintain that was your fault.
As part of our ongoing Friday Night Lights Love-a-thon, we’re going to highlight some of our favorite aspects of the show. We hope that we can provide all of you fans with a place to gush over the glory of FNL and all of you non-fans a reason to watch this damn show already. First up? Coach Eric Taylor, ladies and Brian.
There is no character in all of television, movies, books or fantasies that conflicts me as much as Eric Taylor. I’m not conflicted as to his awesomeness – that’s completely proven. The first time he gave an inspirational speech in a hospital waiting room, the second he grinned at his wife while reviewing game tape – I knew this was My Dream Man. But here’s the problem – is he my Dream Husband or my Dream Father? Let’s analyze the evidence, shall we?
Coach Eric Taylor: #1 Dad
Look, I’m sure your dad is awesome. He probably taught you how to drive and subtly threatened the first boy/girl you brought home, and more than once he’s loaned you money without expecting to be paid back. Or, you know, maybe he’s a deadbeat sperm donor. In that case, we’ll put him on our list of dickheads. Let’s move on.
Whether your dad is super cool or super lame, I bet Coach Eric Taylor can best him! After all, Coach Taylor has the following excellent dad qualities:
- stern voice with which to ground you when you come home after curfew
- hair which increases in height relative to blood pressure. Wondering if your dad is pissed about that C you made in Algebra? You don’t have to wonder with Eric Taylor. His hair shows that he’s pissed. (Don’t worry, though; as long as you did your best!)
- he’ll be pretty nice to you when you wreck the car. Even if you purposely wreck the car cause you’re afraid of going back to your school and getting slapped again.
- he’ll be proud to show you off when you’re a baby, even if you maybe look a little bit like a fat alien
- when you have sex for the first time, he won’t be upset with you. He’ll even let your boyfriend come over for dinner. He might make a few faces, though.
- the way he treats your mom will teach you what to look for in all your future relationships.
- he’s an excellent confidant over the ping-pong table.
Is Coach Eric Taylor the world’s greatest dad? It’s clear to me that he is! Unless . . . he’s the world’s best husband instead.
Coach Eric Taylor: Dream Husband
Good husbands should be understanding, sweet, committed to your happiness and really good at grilling things. Great husbands also have to bring you wine!
Mr. Coach? As your husband, he will do the following:
- Give up cushy jobs because they take him away from you.
- Support your dream of becoming a school counsellor/principal even though that job will directly interfere with his coaching philosophy.
- Fix you that third glass of wine before settling down with you on the couch to watch Thursday night NBC comedy.
- Let you cry on his shoulder, even when your mascara runs. Especially when your mascara runs.
- Make sexy eyes at you in the bedroom. And the bathroom. And the kitchen.
UNF. That last picture makes me want to get married to Eric Taylor RIGHT NOW. I have already written the vows in my head!
“Dear Coach, I promise to love you, to talk about you ad nauseum to people who don’t know you until hey get pissed off because I won’t shut up about you, and to keep you in just the right amount of hair products. I promise not to interrupt you while you’re watching game tape, and to follow you to whatever high school you want to coach at. I promise to make multiple babies with you, and I promise to always invite Buddy Garrity in while we’re in the middle of dinner, even though I know he’s going to help himself to my portion of ham. I promise not to bitch when you have to wake up at 3 am to bail one of your kids out of jail, and I vow to fix you breakfast in the morning, so long as you pour me several of glasses of wine each night. AMEN.”
But you know, I could only HOPE to be awesome enough to deserve Eric Taylor! There’s only one woman in the world who does, and Sarah will be singing her praises in a week or two! Until then, hit us up in the comments! What do you love best about Coach Taylor?
Clear Eyes. Full Hearts. Can’t Lose.