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Veronica Mars S3.E08 “Lord of the Pi’s”
Veronica Mars S3.E09 “Spit & Eggs”
Trips to the Dentist: 15 drinks, 3 shots
Most Marshmallow’s Valuable Players: Vinnie, Keith, and Parker and Logan
Y’all, the further I get into Season Three, the more I’m digging it. The scripts are getting sharper, Mac is getting fiercer, and the college scene is getting richer. I would say that Veronica is getting crazier BUT I don’t think that’s possible?
The Official FYA Veronica Mars Season 3 Drinking Game
Take a drink every time:
- Someone says “Veronica Mars”, even when they know full well who she is and there’s no other Veronica in all of Neptune
- Veronica uses her camera
- Mars family members hug (Backup counts!)
- Backup appears
- Someone mentions a fraternity or sorority
- Veronica uses a college cliche as a disguise
- A character, initially introduced as good, turns out to be a baddie (or vice versa)
- Fisticuffs occur
- Veronica gets some action (kissing or otherwise)
- A Taser is used
- Veronica mentions ponies, unicorns, kittens, or puppies
- The communal argyle shirt appears
Take a shot every time:
- Veronica solves a case
- Logan calls Veronica “bobcat”
Onto the episodes!
MARS INVESTIGATIONS, CASE 3.7 “Of Vice And Men”
Veronica reluctantly agrees to help Meryl, a sweet and totally clueless girl looking for her boyfriend, Sully, who never showed up to greet her at the airport. Since they have a long distance relationship, it’s easy to assume that Sully is cheating on her, but nope! Surprise, surprise, this guy is one of the good ones, and he simply got waylaid at the River Stix, where he was pried with alcohol and robbed by the Fitzpatricks. It’s nice to know that he and Meryl are going to stick together… well, at least until the summer after freshman year, when they go abroad/get an internship and meet someone else.
Trips to the Dentist: 2 drinks, one shot (weak!)
File Under The Hearst Rapist
Mercer’s in jail, and Logan still won’t dish on their secret alibi, but that doesn’t stop Veronica from proving his innocence with the radio DJ log, which shows that Mercer was at the station at the time of the rapes.
Given her investigation, you would assume that Veronica would be hyper vigilante about her safety, and she would never do something as stupid as, say, leaving her drink unattended in the food court. Well, crazy enough, THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT SHE DOES. And what follows is a terrifying sequence in which she gets roofied, tries to make it to her car (instead of just telling someone in the food court that she’s drugged, because that would be WAY too practical), has part of her head shaved and then thankfully gets rescued by Logan. SHWOO.
Life on Mars
Logan won’t tell Veronica about Mercer’s alibi, which of course drives her B-A-N-A-N-A-S. Eventually, he finally spills: he and Mercer were in Mexico, and Mercer accidentally started a fire in their hotel room while making “flaming DPs” (one of the more offensive parts of the show, since Logan describes them as a shot in a beer when we ALL know that DP stands for DR. PEPPER). And instead of making sure the other hotel guests were safe, Logan and Mercer split.
I wish I could say that that was a real low point for Logan but thanks to his history, the meaning of “low” and “lower” is completely gone.
Professor Landry offers Veronica an FBI internship, and she turns it down, because she doesn’t want to be bribed into keeping quiet about his affair with the Dean’s wife. But Landry insists that it’s not about keeping his secrets, it’s about building her resume. And honestly, I can’t argue with the guy.
Veronica also spends a considerable amount of the episode being pissed at Keith for his illicit relations with Harmony. I see her point, but I also feel for the guy. I mean, he hasn’t gotten play in a while, and he’s such a good guy! But maybe that’s the problem– he’s too good of a guy to be having an affair with a married lady. Thanks to Veronica’s guilt trips (oh yeah, and Vinnie’s blackmail), he ultimately decides to end things with Harmony. Sorry Keith! Hopefully Backup is still good for cuddles.
MVP (Most Marshmallow’s Valuable Player): Vinnie
Logan does rescue Veronica from the rapist buuuuut Vinnie Van Lowe saves her from a rambunctious Liam Fitzpatrick at the River Stix! And it’s Vinnie Van Lowe! So obviously, he wins.
And the Snark Award Goes To…
Veronica, for this most excellent exchange with an imprisoned Mercer:
Mercer: “Logan has good reason to keep that to himself. But you shouldn’t worry. He’s a solid guy. I mean, I’d want him to be my boyfriend if I swung that way.”
Veronica: “Give it time. You just got here.”
Also, points for Veronica’s Blues Brothers reference:
Veronica: “Egg sandwich. Orange whip? Hmm?”
Neptune Cameo
- Michael Grant Terry as Sully. I never realized that Wendell Bray from Bones had also fallen victim to the Fitzpatricks.
Song for a Spy’s Soundtrack: “A Pair of Brown Eyes” by The Pogues
What else is playing at the River Stix but the Pogues?
MARS INVESTIGATIONS, CASE 3.8 “Lord of the Pi’s”
This is DEFINITELY one of my favorite episodes of the season. Veronica is tasked with finding Selma Rose, a former hippie trust fund kid turned valuable member of the Hearst board who went missing right before a pivotal vote on the future of the Greek system on campus. Was she abducted by the Lilith House? Did she run out on her wheelchair-bound husband? With Keith’s help, Veronica finds Selma in the unlikeliest of places– her own guest house. After being tricked by her husband, who hired a sorority girl (Hallie) to pretend to fall for her, Selma has been forced into hiding until the 10th anniversary of her marriage, at which point her scheming hubs gets all the moolah. Through awesome trickery, V gets Hallie to confess to the police, and Selma gets to keep her money while also casting the deciding vote against the Greeks. Suck it, dude bros!
Trips to the Dentist: 7 drinks, 1 shot
File Under The Hearst Rapist
Chip Diller, Pi Sig president, is discovered passed out on the college lawn with his hair partially shaved off. Even better? Someone has stuffed a plastic egg up his ass, and like any good Easter egg, there’s a surprise inside– a number scrawled on a piece of paper. It turns out to be the date that Patrice Pitrelli fell off the roof of her sorority house, which leads Veronica to Claire, Patrice’s best friend. She, along with the other Lilith House ringleaders, tell Veronica the story of how Patrice was so traumatized by hazing that she literally walked off the roof and ended up in the looney bin. Chip’s special egg was obviously payback, and now Veronica wonders– how many of the rapes were actually real?
Life on Mars
Veronica keeps thinking that she’s being followed, but it turns out that it’s just the bodyguard whom Logan hired to protect her! Like you do. I can’t blame him, but I do think it miiiiiight have been a good idea to give her the heads up. She’s mad, he’s mad, and then they both agree to try to love each other better. Unfortunately, Veronica holds up her end of the bargain by ignoring Logan’s call in the food court… when he’s standing 15 feet away. Ouch.
MVP (Most Marshmallow’s Valuable Player): Keith
Keith! It’s great to see this father daughter team back in action.
And the Snark Award Goes To…
ALL THE PEOPLE! Seriously, this episode was crackling with zingers, from Dick talking about the “handicap bonus” to the whole play on The Big Lebowski with Budd Rose’s assistant, Brant. And then there was the use of “swimfan,” of which I HEARTILY APPROVE.
And then there was this line, which I plan on recycling many times in the future:
Keith: “And I have so much information, I have no place left inside for food.”
Neptune Cameos
- Patty Hearst as Selma Hearst Rose. I see what you did there, Rob Thomas.
- Charles Shaughnessy as Budd Rose. It’s the dude from The Nanny!
Song for a Spy’s Soundtrack: “Poison Cup” by M. Ward
M. Ward plays while Logan watches Veronica ignore his phone call. As if this scene wasn’t hearbreaking enough!
MARS INVESTIGATIONS, CASE 3.9 “Spit & Eggs”
Dean O’Dell hires Keith to investigate his wife, because he’s finally realized that he’s old, and she’s young and hot. Veronica finally admits the truth about Mindy and Professor Landry to her dad, who in turn tells the dean. He drinks himself into a drunken stupor and then pulls out a gun and heads to the Neptune Grand to confront his wife and Landry. But… nothing happens? At least, not until he gets back to his office, where he’s surprised by someone he knows and SHOT IN THE HEAD WHAT.
Oh, but before he died, Dean O’Dell received a visit from a mobster/alum named Mel, then threw out a voting member of the board who had a “conflict of interest” and reinstated the Greek system. Murder motives, anyone?
Trips to the Dentist: 6 drinks, 1 shot
File Under The Hearst Rapist:
The shizz hit the fan!!! Veronica and the Scooby Gang, armed with roofie-detecting coasters, hit up the Pi Sig party, the place where the Hearst rapist has vowed to strike again. Several delightful shenanigans ensue.
But bad things happen too. Veronica follows a roofie victim home and takes her place in bed, where she encounters Mercer, being extra creepy. Mercer, I KNEW I didn’t like you! They fight, and after stabbing him with a unicorn figurine (best weapon ever), Veronica runs through the dorm into the arms of Moe, the RA. But guess what! Moe is Mercer’s partner in crime, and he drugs Veronica with his g-d tea. She manages to hide out in the closet and then, when all hope seems gone, she pulls out the rape whistle given to her by Parker and blows hard. And Parker hears it! So when Mercer tries to escape, the students in the hall band together and rush into Moe’s room, where they find an unconscious Veronica.
Because V is a smart girl, she called her dad’s cell with Moe’s phone, so Keith is able to track him and Mercer down to a motel room and take them where they belong — the fiery gates of hell Neptune jail.
Life on Mars
UGH. Logan breaks up with Veronica!! Because they’re both insane and unfit for a healthy relationship. And then Veronica cries in the shower and it totally sucks. But then she gets bangs, so it’s all kind of worth it.
MVP (Most Marshmallow’s Valuable Player): Parker and Logan
All of Veronica’s Scooby Gang deserves recognition for their tireless (and hilarious) efforts to find the rapist at the Pi Si party, but Parker takes home the prize for giving V the rape whistle and then tracking down its call. Parker, I fist pumped SO hard for you.
And then there’s Logan, who smashed a cop’s windshield just to get into jail and kick the shizz out of Mercer. I never thought beating up a dude could be so romantic.
And the Snark Award Goes To…
It’s a tie between Veronica and Mac, who is FINALLY BACK THANK YOU.
Veronica: “Howdy, boys. Anyone up for going to a Pi Sig blow-out? Beer and ladies and music and other stuff guys like, I’m sure… Fast cars, loose slots, electronic gadgetry, televised sports, pornography. Nothing? None of this grabs you?”
and
Mac, talking about the Pi Sig party: “Will they let me in? I think all the glitter has come off my porn star tube top.”
Neptune Cameo
Too much awesomeness and crime solving happening! No time for cameos!
Song for a Spy’s Soundtrack: “Title” by Artist
None of the Diamond Smugglers’ covers seem to be available on YouTube, so I went with…
DJ Mercer on the turntables, y’all!!! And you know what that means. Time to get raped party!
I have to say, the multiple arcs of Season Three are a nice change of pace from the season-long mysteries. Do you agree? Or do you still miss Lilly Kane and the bus crash? PSYCHE. Who misses the bus crash?!
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