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Veronica Mars S3.E19 “Weevils Wobble But They Don’t Go Down”
Veronica Mars S3.E20 “The Bitch Is Back”
Trips to the Dentist: 6 drink, 3 shots
Most Marshmallow’s Valuable Players: Piz, Wallace, and Wallace
Welcome to the final installment of the Veronica Mars Rewatch Project! It’s hard to believe that we’ve reached the end of Season Three, especially because the writers didn’t seem to believe it either. Sure, they didn’t realize that the show was ending, but damn, Veronica Mars has the most unsatisfying series finale EVER.
But it’s all good because THE MOVIE IS HAPPENING! So hopefully we’ll find out what happened after all of the shizz that goes down in these last three episodes. I NEED ANSWERS.
The Official FYA Veronica Mars Season 3 Drinking Game
Take a drink every time:
- Someone says “Veronica Mars”, even when they know full well who she is and there’s no other Veronica in all of Neptune
- Veronica uses her camera
- Mars family members hug (Backup counts!)
- Backup appears
- Someone mentions a fraternity or sorority
- Veronica uses a college cliche as a disguise
- A character, initially introduced as good, turns out to be a baddie (or vice versa)
- Fisticuffs occur
- Veronica gets some action (kissing or otherwise)
- A Taser is used
- Veronica mentions ponies, unicorns, kittens, or puppies
- The communal argyle shirt appears
Take a shot every time:
- Veronica solves a case
- Logan calls Veronica “bobcat”
Onto the episodes!
MARS INVESTIGATIONS, CASE 3.18 “I Know What You’ll Do Next Summer”
Basically, this entire episode is a PSA for Invisible Children. And while that’s certainly a worthy cause, I wish the focus hadn’t been so blatant.
So Piz interviews Apollo Bukenya, a former child soldier from Uganda who now attends Hearst and recently published a book about his life. Veronica gets contacted by Kizza, a man who claims to be Apollo’s father, but when she begins to investigate, she discovers that Apollo’s book might be a lie.
Score one for Apollo, because he managed to do the impossible– he tricked Veronica Mars! SUCKA! He and his professor pal set the whole thing up to make sure that this alleged father wasn’t just after money, and smiles all around, Kizza actually *is* his dad. Also, Wallace decides to volunteer for Invisible Children! Because he is a good person.
Trips to the Dentist: 1 drink, 1 shot
Life on Mars
Piz and Veronica are dating! Which is SUPER CUTE! Although the show doesn’t devote NEARLY enough time to their budding romance. Also, it’s obvious that Piz’s feelings are stronger, because he’s willing to give up an internship at Pitchfork (soooo 2006) to be with her for the summer.
Parker gets upset when she finds out that Logan is spending the entire summer surfing with Dick and blah blah blah WHO CARES.
Mac is head over heels for Max, but she’s worried that he’ll throw his life away on his shady cheating business. Fortunately, Mac is an honest woman, and after talking with Max about her fears, she decides that ethics are overrated. Yay!
Neptune is being plagued by a rash of break-ins, which isn’t so good for Keith’s election campaign. And what a coincidence, all of the homes use the same security company, where Vinnie Van Lowe used to consult!
Dick’s dad is back! And he turned himself in! But before he goes to prison, he wants to spend some quality time with Dick Jr. Is there a Hallmark card for “Go F*ck Yourself”?
And Veronica got the FBI internship!!!!! Which is obviously the first step in her illustrious crime-solving career, as we’ll see in the movie when she’s a… lawyer?
MVP (Most Marshmallow’s Valuable Player): Piz
I don’t know, y’all. No one was particularly helpful in this episode, so I’ll hand it over to Piz, for being cute and sweet.
And the Snark Award Goes To…
Mac and Veronica, for this exchange. TRUTH.
Neptune Cameos
- Nelsan Ellis as Apollo Bukenya. Hey look, it’s my favorite Merlotte’s employee!
- Edi Gathegi as Zeke Molinda. Veronica! That’s not a Hearst college student, that’s Laurent the vampire from Twilight! RUUUUUUN.
Song for a Spy’s Soundtrack: “National Anthem Of Nowhere” by Apostle of Hustle
I have the feeling that Piz would review this song favorably on Pitchfork. (It plays in the background as Mac confronts Max about dropping out of college and wasting his potential.)
MARS INVESTIGATIONS, CASE 3.19 “Weevils Wobble But They Don’t Go Down”
Weevil loses his job at Hearst over accusations that he sold fake student ID cards loaded with money. Veronica, ever the loyal friend, sniffs out the Oceans Eleven-style group of students who pooled their individual talents to build an ID card racket and frame Weevil. She gets them to drop the charges, and Weevil is free to go… and steal the group’s ID card coding machine. Oh Weevil!
Trips to the Dentist: 1 shot (lame!)
Life on Mars
Wallace is being followed by a stalker who turns out not to be a swimfan but rather a messenger from the Castle, a Skull & Bones-style secrety society that wants Wallace as their newest member. Dude, tell Joshua Jackson I said HIIIIIII.
The race for sheriff is heating up, and unfortunately for Keith, it appears that Neptune is full of Vinnie Van Lowe fans. I can’t fault them, honestly, because Ken Marino is just so g-d hilarious.
Since his dad is back, Dick is torturing himself by taking the blame for Cassidy turning out to be a terrible person. That’s ridiculous, Dick! Just because you duct taped your kid brother to his bike and left him alone for an entire day doesn’t mean… well, yeah, okay, you’re kind of awful.
A video of Piz and a very naked Veronica hits the internet, which gives Logan no other choice but to beat the living shizz out of Piz. Obviously. God, I hate this storyline.
MVP (Most Marshmallow’s Valuable Player): Wallace
Wallace made a plane that flies! Good for you, Wallace.
And the Snark Award Goes To…
This episode was zingerrific! I loved this exchange:
Veronica: “I think I read in Teen People that a clean leg shave will make that special boy sit up and take notice.”
Mac: “I read in FHM that boys like bare breasts.”
Veronica: “Interesting. I did not know that. Bare breasts, you say? Hmm.”
And Veronica’s sass with the fake ID gang was pretty classic:
Patrick:” Hang up. Please. We can work this out. Yeah, you can be one of us.”
Veronica: “Is this where you turn me into a vampire?”
But the best was probably this little inside joke:
Mac: “Hey, did anyone else hear there’s gonna be a Matchbox 20 reunion show?”
Piz: “So? Rob Thomas is a whore.”
Neptune Cameos
- Patrick Fischler as Russell Marchant. What’s up, dude from Mad Men!
- Lauren Bowles as Karin Mackay. First Lafayette, and now Holly! There’s some weird Veronica Mars/True Blood connection here. (Raise your hand if you’re glad Kristen Bell didn’t end up as Sookie.) Also, fun fact: Lauren’s half-sister is Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Thanks, IMDB!
Song for a Spy’s Soundtrack: “Inside Your Head” by Eberg
This song played while we FINALLY got to see some semi-hot Piz and Veronica action. And I guess it played on The O.C. too?
MARS INVESTIGATIONS, CASE 3.20 “The Bitch Is Back”
Thanks to some expert dude bro shakedowns sleuthing, Veronica realizes that the camera that caught her and Piz’s sexy business was placed there by the Castle, the secret society trying to recruit Wallace. She follows Wallace to a warehouse for his hazing ritual, where he is forced to tell the camera his dirty little secrets, but after they discover Veronica’s camera pen in his pocket, and he refuses to own up to it, he gets kicked out.
But there’s other pledges ripe for the stalking, and Veronica follows one to a mansion that is owned by… Jake Kane?!!!! Duncan and Lilly’s dad turns out to be the head of the Castle, and he’s been collecting secrets and confessions for years, then stupidly saving them on a hard drive. Veronica steals it, obviously, but she’s caught on a security camera, which lands Keith in hot political water.
Veronica and Mac use the campus super computer to crack the code and expose the Castle members, but the real victim might turn out to be Keith, who is highly unlikely to win the election for sheriff.
Trips to the Dentist: 5 drinks, 1 shot (now that’s what I’m talkin’ about!)
Life on Mars
When Veronica finds out that Logan kicked the crap out of Piz, she confronts him and tells him, once and for all, that they are “done.” Riiiiiiiight.
And when Parker finds out that Logan kicked the crap out of Piz, she breaks up with him, because she has some self-respect. Good for you, Parker. Also, is she in the movie? IMDB says “rumored,” so I guess we’ll see. If she isn’t in the movie, that would make sense, seeing as she isn’t a graduate of Neptune High. But it would also validate the fact that no one actually gives a shizz about Parker. (Sorry girl.)
Then Logan beats up the right person (the Castle dude who posted the video of Veronica and Piz), and Veronica makes this face.
Oh yeah, Veronica, you’re so “done” with him.
MVP (Most Marshmallow’s Valuable Player): Wallace
Wallace!!!! Wallace is willing to endure some ridiculous Castle hazing just to help out his old pal Veronica, the girl who cut him down from the flagpole. I would say they’re even now.
And the Snark Award Goes To…
Veronica, for saying the following to Dick:
Veronica: “After all these years, do you not instinctively fear me? Maybe you should write yourself a note.”
Neptune Cameo
- Kyle Secor as Jake Kane. Jake Kane is back! And he’s just as terrible as ever.
Song for a Spy’s Soundtrack: “It Never Rains in Southern California” by Albert Hammond
It’s tough to be optimistic as Veronica casts her vote for Keith in the sheriff election, especially when this song is playing (and it’s raining):
So, we can assume that Keith loses the election, yes? And how long do you think Veronica stayed with Piz before they broke up (and then got back together nine years later for the movie)? And what are the chances that Jake Kane will be in the movie? Hopefully higher than the probability that Duncan will be in the movie because NOOOOO.
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