I had a weird fever dream about Chris’s episode—I was sick last week and while watching Michelle’s episode passed out in a Nyquil induced coma. I awoke to being groggily out of it in the middle of his episode. Maybe I was confused why he was wearing a suit.
This is the episode that all of the shippers have been waiting for. Chris finally gets kicked out of school and needs to get his shit together, so Jal decides to help him by a pact they decide to make—she will say “yes” and “relax” more and he will actually care about things instead of just saying fuck it.
Chris, we all know what “relaxing” means to you but #realtalk it’s a klonopin, a shot of whiskey and a pizza. Wait, this sounds like something Chris would enjoy too. Here’s what we learn about Chris.
1. He gets kicked out of school
I hate to say finally, but I’m not completely sure how any of the Skins gang has made it this far. His depression about being kicked out is understandable but he didn’t seem to care about it in the slightest.
2. He has to get a job
While he takes the right steps by going to his career counselor to get a job, he’s just as bad at keeping a job as he is at school. His interviews are awkward and painful and nothing is going right. Finally he interviews at a real estate company, where even after setting the boss’s tie on fire in order to sell the cup of tea, he manages to get the job. He’s still shitty at it at first. Chris tries mirroring the actions of his boss and failing miserably. But at one point he shows some genuine ability at selling a house to a younger erotic art dealer couple and before you know it, he’s crushing it. What he’s not doing a great job at is lying. He needed to find a new place but instead decides to secretly live in a shitty apartment he was trying to sell AND have Cassie move in with him. Of course this all massively backfires when Chris’s douchey coworker goes to show the apartment and finds Chris there with the remnants of Cassie’s massive party. He definitely loses this job. And it’s really sad when he does because it felt like he had finally gotten good at something and had the confidence to follow through.
3. He has a pact with Jal
Their pact entails that she lighten up and that he gets a bit more serious. Neither of them are doing a great job with their respective roles until Jal shotguns a beer and jumps onstage to kiss the lead singer of a band and steal his hat.
Chris’s face of awe says everything you need to know about his feelings for Jal. This pact gets very romantic, really quickly (I want a romantic pact!) after Jal yells at Chris for cheating at the pact which ends in a kiss.
Of course Angie has to come fuck all this up. She randomly comes to Chris’s work looking for a flat and she gives him major sex eyes. Jal freaks out although at that point nothing has happened. Angie’s thirsty though and shows up at the party Cassie throws at her and Chris’s. Going to the bonezone is inevitable and begins to happen but Chris realizes that this is totally going to ruin everything. His family flow chart of parental misery that he shows Jal is totally heartbreaking…how could you not forgive Chris after that?
Necessary Chris Judgment
Random Observations
- What happened to Chris’s mom? She really just disappeared like that?
- The school security video of Chris’s expulsion is hilarious.
- Always interested in Jal’s fierce jewelry.
- The career counselor chick is totally into Chris.
- I adore these punk rock douchebags that buy drugs from Chris. They are all wearing matching plaid scarves and complaining about mainstream culture.
- Sketch has turned Anwar into a full on Maxxie doppelganger.
- “Lovely Sid and Lovely Michelle are fucking.” Cassie’s reentrance into the group and being a shade queen is A+.
- Chris only ones one garbage bag full of stuff.
- Cassie is deeply unhinged, has nowhere to stay and is now making weird witchy alcohol potions.
- Jon (Chris’s coworker) is SUCH a bro dawg.
- Very into seeing Jal take charge of boning Chris.
- Let’s not let Cassie have knives.
- After drinking that witchy potion, Cassie makes out with her doppelganger? Perfect.
- It’s pretty depressing how often the Skins gang mentions being left/abandoned/etc.
- “You know what’s the worst of having a broken heart? Not know how you felt before.” Cassie or Taylor Swift?
- Jal’s maybe pregnant—eesh.
- Tony’s determined to become his old self again. Let’s hope he holds the psycho back.
- Angie lets Chris have the flat she bought.
Next week: Um (TMI), we get one of my top five favorite television sex scenes.
About the Contributor:
Kerensa Cadenas is a writer living in Los Angeles. She grew up on binge reading Sweet Valley High and watching Saved by the Bell at a very young age. Hence, she is now unable to grow out of this life-long phase. She loves terrible teen television, young adult novels and probably listens to One Direction more than she should. She also enjoys more adult things like margaritas on patios and dance parties. A Marcus Flutie/Nate Archibald man-hybrid remains her ideal.
