About:
Previously: The Hendrixes took up drug dealing to finance Alison’s campaign for school board trustee. And then they had to come up with a way to launder the drug money. Cosima has a new girlfriend, who’s probably shady. Scott thinks Rachel knows the code from Duncan’s notes. Sarah told Helena that Mrs. S was the one who turned her over to the Castors. Paul sacrificed himself to get Sarah free of Castor HQ. Helena rescued her from the rubble.
Nobody is really talking about what went down at Castor HQ. But that’s okay, we have a school board election to win!
Clone Club Chronicles
Helena wins money at poker so she and Sarah can eat (and cerveza) while waiting on the person who has their forged papers. Mrs. S arrives to help get them out of Mexico. Mrs. S tries to explain why she traded Helena, for Sarah and Kira’s safety, but Helena still plans to kill her for it. The cantina owner urges Sarah to let those two work it out, while she showers.
Alison practices her school trustee speech, and works out the plan for obtaining their drug front storefront while Donnie notes all of her vitals, for the self-monitoring agreement with Dyad. Alison’s passive-aggressive mom, Connie, doesn’t seem so willing to transfer Bubbles, the terribly named soap store, over to them, nor to even vote for Alison in the board race. She insists on having her lawyer look over the contract before she’ll sign it for them.
Shay and Cosima are in bed together when they’re interrupted by a knock at the door. Why Shay bothers to answer is beyond me. She probably wonders the same thing when it turns out to be Delphine, looking for Cosima. She claims to be there because they’re worried about her protein levels and she wants her to provide a urine sample ASAP. It’s a pretty lame excuse, Delphine. Cosima calls Scott and asks him to cover for her a little bit longer, before she brings in that sample.
Alison heads to the school board meeting, where Felix has appointed himself her campaign manager, which is pretty much everything one would ever need. Allison doesn’t seem that interested in an update on Sarah’s great escape, and then gets a text from Cosima, asking for a urine sample. She’s too busy with her campaign to be bothered. After receiving a frantic call from her mother, claiming to be having a heart attack, she has to head out and leaves everything in Felix’s hands.
Donnie and Jason go to meet the drug supplier in a shady warehouse, as one does. But, Donnie has brought the manila envelope full of flyers and buttons for Allison’s campaign, instead of the $30K that’s owed to the drug lord. They keep Donnie as collateral, while making Jason head out to swap envelopes.
Mrs. S. continues to offer profuse apologies for the suffering she caused, but Helena is ready to fight her, despite he pregnancy. Helena’s plan for raising the baby, includes finding her boyfriend Jesse, and driving tow trucks together. She takes a few swings at Mrs. S, who refuses to fight a pregnant woman. She tells Helena that she can’t have Sarah without taking all of them, and that they’re family. Helena manages to provoke Mrs. S into hitting her back. Instantly horrified, Mrs. S. embraces her, and keeps apologizing. Helena is no match for the maternal attentions. No, YOU’RE crying.
Connie has made a miraculous recovery by the time Alison arrives at Bubbles. Then Connie breaks the news to her that she can’t sell her the store, because she doesn’t think Alison is up to the challenge. This causes Allison to unload on her mother, because this is just another time when nothing Allison does is good enough for her mother. She storms out, determined to prove her mother wrong by winning the school trustee election.
Felix is desperately covering for the missing Alison with constituents, babbling on about her pro-family values. Cosima has arrived to collect the promised urine sample and gets tired of waiting around at the back entrance, so she heads inside, where she’s ambushed by Sarah Stubbs, who assumes she’s Alison and plans to drag her along to the photo op. Felix intervenes, immediately realizing it’s Cosima, and drags her off to the dressing room, insisting that she get changed quickly to impersonate Alison for the photo op, to buy them some time. Cosima reveals the reason she doesn’t want to provide her own urine, is because she no longer trusts Delphine, now that she’s in this position of power. Felix does a great job putting together an impromptu Alison, though a bit squinty, since she can’t see at all, and has a dumb hat on over her dreadlocks.
Scott is playing board games with his nerd buds when Delphine arrives, announcing that she needs the lab. It’s time for Rachel to have her protein testing done. Scott uses the opportunity to let Rachel see that he has Duncan’s Dr. Moreau book. She makes up the excuse that she’d like for Scott to teach her his medieval farm-building board game, because she’s so bored. Later, Rachel is appalled to learn that Scott really does intend to teach her the game, as the cover, should anyone come in and wonder what they’re up to.
Jason arrives to do the envelope switch, which Alison has to attempt to do, while she’s also supposedly posing for campaigning photos in the same building, while her horrible mother also arrives there. Connie has come to explain herself, including some bizarre confession about Alison’s IVF conception. Alison doesn’t have time to deal with this, and sends Jason in to distract her mother while she tries to switch out the envelopes. But then she gets waylaid by Felix, who’s trying to obtain the urine sample Cosima needs. On threat of him quitting as campaign manager, Alison has to tell Felix about hers and Donnie’s home business, and that she accidentally gave the money to Sarah Stubbs, and that a drug dealer named Pouchy is holding Donnie hostage. Felix tells her Pouchy is the crime lord who cut off Vic’s finger! What a wacky coincidence. Felix distracts Sarah Stubbs while Alison manages to make the envelope switch, almost getting caught by fellow candidate, the very terrible Marcy.
Donnie’s attempt at trying to make nervous conversation with the crime lord, causes them to think he’s not taking this very seriously. So the owner’s niece/mouthpiece decides to head to the school to retrieve the money herself. And if she doesn’t have it in 30 minutes, they’re going to cut off Donnie’s nose. Alison gets the call from Donnie that she has to meet the niece in the parking lot NOW, at the same time that Sarah Stubbs announces that the candidate speeches begin NOW.
Jason tries to sweet-talk Connie into selling Alison the store. He convinces her to let go of her Donnie objections, since we all know that Alison will be wearing the pants in that business, and that Connie’s legacy will be safe.
Alison brings the envelope to the niece, who’s not content to just take it and move along, and insists that Alison get in the car while the money is counted. Felix drafts Cosima into going on stage to make Alison’s speech, despite the fact that she doesn’t have her glasses and doesn’t know a single thing about school trustee issues. Donnie is barely saved before the time is up. Cosima stumbles through her own version of of the speech, which includes gay acceptance as a family value, and is able to use a coughing fit as her excuse to leave the stage and swap places with Alison. Alison ends up abandoning her prepared speech, choosing to focus on some heartfelt observations about family, and how they’re not just the people you’re born to.
While Cosima heads to the bathroom to await the urine swap with Alison, she’s waylaid by Jason in the hallway, who of course, assumes she’s Alison. Since he just finished sweet-talking Alison’s mom, he thinks he has a shot at Alison and lays one on her. Cosima is unimpressed with the kiss and tells him she has to pee.
Sarah is appalled by Mrs. S’s battered face, but Mrs. S. is in good spirits about her repaired relationship with Helena, and looking forward to being a granny. Sarah tells her about her dreams about Beth, and Mrs. S. tells her that Gracie is now living with her. This is juxtaposed with Alison’s speech about how real families make do, adapt, and find creative solutions to keep people together. She wins the audience over, me included. Vote for Alison!
While in the bathroom with Cosima, Alison is surprised to hear that Jason kissed her. Cosima wants to know if Alison is having an affair, and Alison wants to know if Jason’s lips are still really soft. Alison decides not to provide the urine sample, because Cosima is obviously not well, and she believes they all need Dyad when it comes to their health. Cosima runs to hide in a stall when Connie comes in to congratulate Alison on her speech. Connie tells Alison that she has her vote, and she has her store. Connie believes that one day Alison will decide to make a change, and that change should be Jason Kellerman. Instead of choosing to shock her mother, by telling her what Jason has been up to since high school, she chooses to shock her by introducing her to her clone. She tells her the IVF clinic implanted Connie with a clone, and that you can’t choose your family. Connie decides that Alison must be mistaken and that she and Cosima’s mother just must have both used the same donor sperm and Alison and Cosima are half-sisters, since Cosima is clearly “mulatto […] with that hairstyle”.
That night, Cosima tells Shay that she has a serious health issue, currently affecting her entire immune system. They’re both shocked to discover Cosima is bleeding into the bathtub. YIKES.
Rachel wants to know about her father’s book, but Scott points out that even though it has her and her father’s secret language in it, he didn’t leave it for her. She deciphers the code, but won’t tell Scott what it says, insisting she’ll only tell Sarah.
Clone Crush
It’s a tie between Helena taking a swing at Mrs. S and Alison knocking it out of the park on her speech, including recognizing all that her clone family brings her.
Maximum Maslanys
Lots of double trouble this week, with Alison and Cosima shenanigans, and Sarah and Helena’s great Mexico escape.
Felix Felicis
Campaign manager Felix is the best campaign manager. His lip gloss looks amazing with the pink Vote for Alison shirt. My favorite part of the show continues to be that Felix is the shared brother of Clone Club.
Leda vs. Castor
Maybe Paul blew them all up? It was a Castor-free episode! It’s a Christmas miracle!
Cloned Quotes
Shay: “You know whatever this is, it’s really not cool.”
Delphine is the Queen.
Delphine: “You know what, I really don’t care.”
Felix: “What do you mean she needs your pee? What for?”
Fee and Alison seem to have an equally shaky grasp of science.
Alison: “I don’t know. Science?”
Alison: “Now you’re on Planet Alison. So if you want the piss, you’re gonna have to play along.”
That probably is in the planet bylaws.
Felix: “Now, you need bangs. Bangs that say ‘unhappy, sexless marriage’.”
I never want Felix to describe me.
Alison: “I will be your mother hen, and I will keep our chicks together.”
And that’s when I ran out of tissues.
Biggest “OMG DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?!?” Moment
Compared to last week’s bomb drop, I’m okay with the fact that this week didn’t have too many insane moments. Although, I continue to be plagued by concerns about WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING WITH COSIMA.
Curiosity Killed the Clone
- Would you let your mother get away with referring to your husband as “Chubs”?
- Is it just me, or is Jason the most conspicuous drug dealer you’ve ever seen?
- Do we foresee Rachel getting addicted to Agricola?
- Sarah isn’t ready to talk about Paul, and neither am I.
Next Episode
Donnie wants to know why the psycho (Helena) can’t go live with one of her other sisters, but Felix informs him that it’s their turn. Helena taunts Donnie about Jason kissing Alison, and Jason tries again! Sarah speaks to Rachel via skype and Scott tells Sarah that Rachel believes Delphine is going to eliminate her. Delphine speaks to a blonde and busty Leda clone?
