About:
Previously: Paul blew up Castor HQ (and himself </3); Alison buys her mother’s store, Bubbles, and slays her school trustee campaign speech; Jason kisses who he thinks was Alison, but was really Cosima reluctantly roped into clone swap; Cosima has some highly worrisome heavy bleeding; and Rachel deciphers Ethan’s Dr. Moreau notes, but will only tell Sarah what it says (quelle surprise).
Holy frack — I go away for two episodes, and EVERYTHING HAPPENS. And by that, I mean RIP Major Dirty Paul (né Big Dick Paul). I guess I should have expected something major to happen, since it was during the same trip last year that Donnie accidentally shot and killed Dr. Leekie.
Even though Paul increasingly had less and less purpose other than double-/triple-/quadruple-crossing everybody, I didn’t want him to, like, DIE. And I def. got a little choked up at seeing the opening credits without Dylan Bruce’s name for the first time. Although I do like the prospect of Sarah having no love interest at all for however long it lasts. SO MANY EMOTIONS.
Anyway. Major pants to Kandis for filling in for me these past two weeks!
Clone Club Chronicles
In addition to keeping impossibly coiffed, Delphine’s new role at Dyad requires perf nail game. Except PSYCH — she’s actually just checking up on bubbly manicurist Krystal, the Leda clone that Rudy and Seth had assaulted. As distressing as that experience was — esp. since Rudy and Seth had also killed the guy she was dating — Krystal maintains a positive outlook. You’re too good for this world, girl.
At the only cantina in Mexico (or, more likely, the closest one to Castor HQ), Mother’s already starting up the search for Sarah and Helena. She also has gnarly new scars — like Mother, like son! — thanks to Paul’s parting gift, and she’s tossing back shots and lamenting the loss of decades’ worth of research. (Never mind that at least one of her Castor sons, if not two, also died that day (Miller and maybe Mark), but OK.) Mother is shocked to learn that her associate, some suit named David, has a source inside Leda, and she suspects that there are more factions than just Leda and Castor. I mean, good way to swap out Castor for a new set of clones if it doesn’t work out, but the show’s pretty saturated with clones as it is, you know?
Out in the ‘burbs, Alison and Donnie have a couple of new employees at Bubbles who will be boarding with them in their home: Helena and Gracie, who quickly bury the hatchet re: their shared Prolethean past. Gracie’s even going to be an aunt to Helena’s baby! Helena’s also brought along her secret storage capsule of frozen embryos. (Although it’s like, dude — do you really want MORE Henrik babies? Then again, Helena has never really been concerned about that before, either.)
As Donnie shows Helena how to make soap at Bubbles, Helena expresses her not-so-secret newfound crush on her sister’s husband. Between how Jason and Alison’s mother have been treating Donnie lately, I’m glad there’s someone other than Alison who appreciates the guy. Maybe a little too much, but still.
Speaking of people who like married Hendrixes a little too much, Jason kissing Cosima-as-Alison is causing a bit of strain between our golden couple. Ali tries to clear the air with Jason, who responds with trying to jam his tongue down her throat. She insists that their relationship is strictly business, but he refuses to give up. “I know you felt something!” — OH GOD, learn to take a rejection! Wearing someone down isn’t a charming display of perseverance; it’s disrespectful and creepy.
Donnie isn’t about to let some dude get away with hitting on his wife, either. (But somehow in a non-territorial way. Probs because it’s more like she owns him, and he knows it and loves it.) He lures Jason to the stockroom at Bubbles by sending a text from Alison’s phone, but Jason brushes aside Donnie taking a stand for his marriage: “You work for me now, you understand? If I want your wife, I’ll just take her.” Which earns him a well-deserved slap from Donnie, who doesn’t last long in this brawl, getting knocked out cold and left on the stockroom floor. OK, Jason — you are officially beyond gross. Here’s hoping Donnie will Leekie you soon. (But based on the previews, he might not have to…)
Over on Skype, Cosima and Sarah catch up with each other after the recent events in their lives. Cos hands off breaking the big Dr. Moreau notes news for Scott to deliver, as well as how Rachel’s only willing to tell Sarah what it says. If the notes truly contain Duncan’s key to the synthetic sequence, then Dyad could use it to restart their cloning projects. Clone Club needs to figure out what the book says in order to make their next move, which means enlisting Rachel’s help.
Good ol’ Rach is def. improving; she’s putting on lip gloss and OMG sporting an eyepatch. She’s also concerned that Delphine sees her as a threat and liability (which: Delphine’s paranoia ain’t unwarranted), so she’s willing to translate the rest of the book if Clone Club can help her break out of Dyad and disappear to Taiwan.
Mrs. S thinks this deal is bad news bears, endangering their alliance with Delphine and their best line of defense against Topside (which: Mrs. S’s skepticism ain’t unwarranted). What if Ethan was wrong? What if Rachel gives them a load of B.S.? But it’s a risk that Sarah thinks is worth taking… and stealing Krystal’s identity in order to sneak Rachel out of the country.
Felix and Sarah take a short road trip to find Krystal at her nail salon, where Felix has booked an appointment and OMG he’s using a North American accent aka Jordan Gavaris’ real one! Fee’s also playing straight and shamelessly flirting with Krystal, who’s eating that shizz up.
Krystal’s totally spilling her guts to Fee re: Rudy and Seth, just as she had with Delphine, because omg she has nobody to talk to, so she just tells everybody instead. Does she not have any friends or family at all? How does she stay so relentlessly upbeat with the shitstorm that happened to her? (Never mind that she unknowingly made out (and perhaps did more) with her own brother.) Not only that, but Fee discovers that Krystal’s been OBSESSING over the incident; her instincts tell her that something ain’t right, but she just can’t piece it all together because no one ever makes the quantum leap to “OMG OF COURSE CLONES”. Fee feels pretty shitty that he can’t give Krystal the peace of mind that she’s desperately looking for (and, y’know, that he has to steal her identity anyway, and for Rachel), but he blows his cover to reassure Krystal of her own worth.
Taking a break from doing holistic shizz and being cute together, Cosima shows Shay around her lab at Dyad, where Shay immediately goes for THE copy of Dr. Moreau. (#ShayIsCray) Cos takes it away from her, giving it to Scott to safeguard. But the odd behaviour is quickly overshadowed by Delphine crashing the lab tour. (Saved by la belle!)
Aside from bringing up her suspicions re: Shay again, Delphine’s here to talk shop. Using the one synthetic sequence that Ethan had given up, Dyad’s European team was unsuccessful in treating a Polish clone. With Cosima in need of another treatment soon and Kira’s stem cells out of the question (and continent), Cosima and Delphine need to figure out some other way to unlock the rest of the genetic sequences. If only Ethan documented his notes in some sort of book, and if only Delphine was aware of its existence…
Oh, wait! How about that copy of Dr. Moreau that Scott’s holding onto? Except Rudy somehow found out about it, and he’s been waiting in Scott’s apartment to unload a threat of feline violence and stroke Scott’s cat (not a euphemism) like a mothercussing villian. Scott gives up the code, not the kitty, and calls Delphine out of panic. The cat’s out of the bag (#SorryNotSorry): Delphine knows about the book, and she’s not pleased that Castor now has it because Cosima and Scott didn’t trust her enough to tell her and that they were too dumb to make a copy.
But they weren’t too dumb to make a copy! Cosima and Scott just didn’t trust Delphine — again — to tell her about it, so they had it delivered to Sarah at Mrs. S’s for safekeeping. With the help of Scott’s gaming crew, they also manage to get Rachel out of Dyad, too. Rachel’s new identity is all hers as soon as she finishes translating the book (WITH A GIANT MAGNIFYING GLASS omg I love it). She doesn’t get too far when Dr. Nealon comes barging in with a team of goons for the extra copy that Delphine knew Clone Club must have had. (DAMMIT, DELPHINE. Why are you so good at your job?) Rachel becomes so upset with losing her book from her father that she starts seizing. Nealon brings her and the copy back to Dyad, where Delphine is majorly pissed that he took such a risk with the life of the only person who knows what the frigging book even says.
Delphine isn’t going to be any happier that Rachel’s been put in a coma to reduce the swelling in her brain. OR HAS SHE?!?! No, she hasn’t, and no one at Dyad knows but Dr. Nealon. Rachel’s been in surgery, all right — but overseas for an eye transplant, being overseen by a mysterious woman in a lab coat. So who’s Dr. Nealon operating on at Dyad then? It’s Rachel’s (unwilling) eye donor, Krystal. DAMMIT, SHOW. Because the poor woman hasn’t been shat on enough? Did you have to take her eye, too!?
Just as Cosima and Delphine seemed to be getting back on better terms — science-ing together and FINALLY hashing shizz out (and kissing! There was kissing!) — the Rachel debacle and Cosima’s involvement in it has turned Delphine’s ice cold Dyad director mode back on. She lets Cosima resign from Dyad (which had been a diversion for Scott and Rachel to get away), even after initially trying to convince her to stay for her own protection, and she accepts Scott’s nonexistence resignation as well. Delphine also gives Cos some reading material to go over in her new unemployment: a file on Shay, which must be undoubtedly full of dirt.
As for Sarah, Fee, and Mrs. S., they only have the page that Rachel had translated before she was taken away. All signs point to London as being the location of the Castor original, and they have to get to him first before anybody else does.
Clone Crush
Rudy very nearly won it with his cat-stroking villainy, but POOR KRYSTAL. Just a clone trying to live her best life (until the Leda defect ravages her, at least), until she gets caught in Dyad’s sights* and harvested for organs. This purse dildo’s for you, Bitch Mistress of Comes-a-Lot.**
*OH GOD, pun unintentional.
**WELPZ, I can cross that sentence off of my bucket list now.
Maximum Maslanys
After her latest health scare, Cosima and Sarah have a heart-to-heart via Skype. Rachel also Skypes with Sarah, then later joins her at Mrs. S’s, post extraction. Along with Gracie, Helena is the Hendrixes’ new houseguest, which means borrowing Alison’s clothes. And maybe husband as well.
Felix Felicis
Wait, has the Tatiana/Jordan flirtation episode become an annual tradition now? (Tony’s ep was also the eighth of last season!) If so: HERE FOR IT. Even though Krystal’s storyline was all-around heartbreaking, I did delight in Felix showing that Sarah isn’t “the only hustler in the family.”
Leda vs. Castor
Team Leda may have lost the original and the copy of Ethan’s Dr. Moreau notes, but they have a new lead on the Castor original in London. Castor HQ might be no more, but Rudy and Mother are still alive. Although without that original genome, the surviving Castor clone(s?) only has another year or two left to live anyway. Mark’s whereabouts are unknown, but he’s been presumed dead before. CORPSE OR IT DIDN’T HAPPEN. (Yes, I’m still in semi-denial about Paul.)
Cloned Quotes
Sarah: “Looking good, Rachel.”
Those deliveries were golden. How is she SO GOOD at acting opposite herself!?
Rachel: “New accessories.”
Delphine: “My security concerns, they’re not jealousy. I’m French; we enjoy lovers.”
Ever so pragmatic, that Delphine.
Helena (to Donnie): “You have meat on your bones. You are strong like baby ox. This I like.”
Stealing for my Tinder pickup line.
Felix (to Krystal): “I’m pretty good with my tools.”
He can’t help it if that sexual magnetism is impossible to contain, Sarah!
Sarah (in Felix’s earpiece): “Wow, Fee — you don’t have to shag her, just get her info.”
Felix: “The only thing that you need to know is that you are one of a kind. You’re a survivor, Krystal. And you’re not alone.”
Oh, Fee. Guardian angel to all clones. <3
Scott: “Please. Denise has feline asthma.”
That entire scene was so ridic and amazing.
Felix: “What kind of monster threatens a man’s cat?”
What kind of monster indeed. She has feline asthma, dammit!
Scott: “Um… can you… can you go faster?”
Potential spin-off: Rachel and the Dyad nerds team up for high-stakes, low-speeds heists.
Rachel: “This is top speed.”
Donnie: “I may be a bitch, but I’m Alison’s bitch.”
TRUE LOVE.
Biggest “OMG DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?!?” Moment
I don’t know why, but I didn’t suspect that Dr. Nealon and Rachel would be screwing over Krystal as badly as they did. Again: POOR KRYSTAL.
Curiosity Killed the Clone
- The woman at Rachel’s surgery: totally Rachel’s mom, the other Dr. Duncan, right?
- First Beth and now Krystal, two episodes later. Who’s the next clone to curb stomp on our hearts?
- Who else loves the lingering shots on Rachel warily eyeing (har) pencils?
- Donnie + Alison, or Donnie + Helena? I remain steadfast on Team Hendrix, although I guffawed mightily when Helena started hitting on Donnie.
- Donnie Hendrix: Season 3 MVP? Discuss. (OK, I’ll start. Hilarity aside, I love how Donnie’s just an ordinary dude who has no pretenses on being uber macho and stereotypically manly. He took his wife’s last name! He’s her bitch! HE TWERKS! Vote Donnie Hendrix for your progressive heartthrob.)
Next Episode
London calling to the faraway towns; Mrs. S vows to kill the O.G. Castor; OMG MRS. S SINGS; Cosima finally wises up to Shady Shay, and Delphine’s like, “DUH”; Ferdinand the cleaner is back; Donnie’s all bruised up, and a bloodied someone — Helena? — is wielding a butcher knife.
