About the Book
- Stephenie Meyer
In honor of the soon-to-be-released Twilight movie Eclipse, Stephenie Meyer and Little Brown released a short story. A short story that I, dear readers, had no intention of reading. However, my friend Talya loaned me a copy saying “Stephenie Meyer’s actual writing has improved with this one.” (No offense to Ms. Meyer– her story-telling is always compelling, at the least.).
Now, since I love reading, and I love drinking, and I love reading and drinking, I thought to myself “Why not go ahead and read it, and make a drinking game out of it, since all things Twilight make an excellent excuse to drink, and then I can do a post about it and share the drinking possibilities with the world?” And then I thought, “Self, you’re a genius. And also very sacrificing of your time.”
Ahem. Following are the fruits of my labor.
Anyone who read the book Eclipse knows that there is a teensy weensy little scene near the end, after the battle against the army of newborns, where the Cullens spare the life of a young vampire who surrendered. That vampire’s name is Bree. Of course, the Volturi sweep in and kill her on the spot, so her life was only extended by a couple of minutes, but it’s the thought that counts, right Cullens?
Anyway, Stephenie Meyer decided that
she needed a yacht Bree needed her own story told and thus was born The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner, an Eclipse novella.
Let’s drink! So I’m going to set this up Erin-style, since you’re all familiar with that format.
The Official FYA The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner Drinking Game
Take one drink whenever:
- Any vampire is referred to as ‘pretty’ or ‘beautiful’
- Any vampire sparkles in the sun
- Bree talks about the burn (her throat, initial transformation, etc.)
- Diego touches Bree, and it tingles
- Bree thinks or does something self-sacrificing
- Victoria is mentioned in italics, so we know just how scary she is
In the interest of not getting alcohol poisoning, drink one glass of water:
- Whenever you think “Wow, somebody’s writing HAS improved.”
Number of Drinks Taken: 83
Glasses of Water Consumed: 4
My Review, as Bree Tanner: (SPOILER WARNING, if there’s anything left to spoil, that is).
Ho hum, I’m a thoughtful little vampire, surrounded by a bunch of mindless jerks. Why do I stay with them, I wonder? I just like to read my books in a corner behind Freaky Fred– who has this gift of being able to repulse people, so I can avoid being picked on. But wait, who’s this boy being nice to me? Diego? Wow, he sure is pretty. And when he touches me, I feel all tingly. So now we’re going to hunt together, but whoops, we came back from our hunt late, and it’s almost sunrise! Everybody knows vampires burn up at sunrise. And oh no! The house we were staying in is all in pieces! We’re going to burn! Oh, whew! Diego knows about a cave, so we go hide in there. But then he decides to test if we actually will burn up in the sunlight, so he digs his way out. I’m scared! But ohmigosh! We DON’T burn up! We glitter and sparkle, and Diego is SOOO pretty! Diego thinks we should tell Riley about this, because he wouldn’t have been lying to us all this time, right? Why did he make all of us vampires anyway? I don’t really trust Riley, on account of the fact that he offered me a burger when I was a starving street kid, and I thought he was going to make me have sex with him, but instead he took me to her, and she made me a vampire. But I go along with Diego’s plan, and we follow Riley out that night, and ooh, yuck! He’s totally making out with her! And then these creepy vampires in cloaks come (at first I thought they were goth kids) and they are waaay scary. We decide to split up, because Diego wants to tell Riley about us not burning up in sunlight, so I go back to the house and hide behind Freaky Fred and read. Then Riley comes back, but where’s Diego? Then Riley tells us there’s this clan of ‘golden-eyed’ vampires that are coming to attack us, so they can be the kings of Seattle, and teaches us how to fight, and says we’re going to do a pre-emptive strike against the golden-eyes. Then he takes us out and lets us snack on a ferry full of humans, and everybody is all like “Yay, Riley!” But where is Diego? Riley says Diego has gone ahead as a scout, with her, so I believe him, because, I don’t know why. Riley tells everybody that there’s a special solstice-type thing where we can go out in sunlight and not get burned, and it’s tomorrow, even though I did it four days ago, so that doesn’t quite make sense. We head out to go fight these nasty golden-eyes, but I don’t really want to fight. I just want to get Diego, and run away with him. Fred sneaks off because he doesn’t want to fight, either, and he invites me to come with him, but I have to find Diego first. Did I mention Fred’s really pretty? Anyway, we run to where the vampire rumble is going to be, and I can’t find Diego anywhere, and by the time I get there, the fight’s like, over, and I can’t believe it, but the golden-eyes won! That’s when I realize that Riley lied to me. He and her killed Diego, and I kind of want to die now, too. But I surrender to the golden eyes, and they’re not at all like Riley said. They’re almost…kind. And pretty. But they make me close my eyes, and I hear strange howling vampires in the distance, but I’ve never heard of those kind of vampires before. Then I see that the golden-eyes have a human with her, and she smells SO GOOD! I just want to eat her up! But I don’t, because the golden-eyes have been kind of nice to me. Then the people in cloaks come, and I realize they’re some kind of vampire police, but they’re crooked, and they wanted the golden-eyes dead, too, so I remember Riley said one of the golden-eyes was a mind-reader, and I know I’m about to die anyway, but I think all the thoughts I know about how the vampire police are crooked, so that the golden-eyes will know. And then the mind-reader looks at me, and tells the cloak police that they would look after me, and teach me how to obey the law. But I know that the cloaks are going to kill me anyway. But it was nice of him to offer. And I miss Diego. Goodbye, world.
FTC Full Disclosure: I received neither money nor cocktails for writing this review (dammit!). The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner is available now.