Fix: Spies, Christmas, charmingly oddball killers, London
Platform: Netflix
Netflix Summary:
When a spy posing as a politician’s wife learns her lover has been murdered, an old assassin friend joins her on a quest for truth — and vengeance.
FYA Summary:
While I will always be a fan of Christmas romance movies, I gotta say, if Black Doves starts a trend of Christmas spy series/movies, I would NOT be upset. You still get the festive holiday lights and decor; you still get a plot with no concern for realistic timelines or reality, period; and most importantly, you still get the heart flutters—it’s just that they’re caused by shoot-out scenes versus make-out scenes. In fact, I’d argue that this genre is even more of an escape than the halls of Hallmark, because it’s frankly easier for me to suspend disbelief over Kiera Knightley dodging 100 bullets with nary a scratch on her face than it is for me to embrace a snowman who turns into a real boy. Also, no one has highlights in spy movies unless they’re the bad guy (looking at you, Chad Michael Murray).
Anyway! In Black Doves, Kiera plays Helen, a devoted wife to the British Minister of Defense and adoring mother of twins. She does, in fact, love her kids (maybe not her husband), but most of her public life is a lie, because she’s secretly a spy for the Black Doves, an organization that sells information to the highest bidder. While Helen has been doing a bang-up job, partially due to access via her oblivious husband, she recently broke some rules by having an affair with a guy, Jason, who ended up dead. Oops. Now Helen is hellbent on finding out who murdered him, which means getting swept up in a dozen different conspiracies.
The head of the Black Doves, who’s like the British version of Meryl Streep in Devil Wears Prada (minus the fashion), decides to bring in a former triggerman named Sam to protect Helen. Sam has been living out of the country, keeping a low profile, but he quickly heads to London because he owes Helen, like, big time. As old friends, the two of them decide to work together to solve Jason’s murder and untangle the vast web of criminal networks, diplomatic intrigue, and romantic relationships featuring people in turtlenecks—oh wait, that last one’s Love Actually, not Black Doves. (Though there are a few similarities!)
Familiar Faces:
Kiera Knightley as Helen Webb; Ben Whishaw as Sam Young
I don’t want to discount the other work that Kiera Knightley has done, because I do think she’s a great actor, but allow me to make a bold statement: this is her best role since Elizabeth Bennet in Pride & Prejudice. Seriously, y’all! She’s intense and gorgeous yet extremely human, and I completely believed her as a lethal badass and the classy wife of a high-ranking government official.
Okay, I know I said the thing about hair earlier and while I do think Ben Whishaw’s slicked back mullet (I guess it’s not technically a mullet but I’m at a loss as to what else to call it) in this movie is regrettable, it strangely doesn’t make him less attractive. I think that’s because this man, with his piercing eyes and captivatingly quiet demeanor, is just that charismatic. Also, Sam as a character is LEGEND; he’s killed “more than 20 people, less than 50” and is haunted by that fact, yet his heart still remains tender in places. He’s also got a wickedly dry sense of humor and a penchant for champers (more on that below) so of course I love him.
A lot of what makes this movie a standout is due to Kiera and Ben’s (platonic) chemistry—they are SO damn charming together, and their bond feels real and earned and strong as steel.
The rest of the cast is great, from Andrew Buchan (you may remember him from Broadchurch and The Crown), who plays Kiera’s affable and decent husband, to Ella Lily Hyland and Gabrielle Creevy as a hilariously oddball pair of triggermen (according to Sam, it’s a gender neutral term).
Couch-Sharing Capacity: For Your Eyes Only
I would recommend watching this alone, unless you have a friend or partner who 1) won’t call out every single plot hole 2) *will* call out every single Love Actually reference, intentional or otherwise. Though the script is actually pretty good, it’s not perfect, and you’ll definitely see most if not all of the twists coming. The point is not to nit-pick it, it’s to sit back and watch beautiful people crack jokes and shoot up places decked out with twinkle lights and spruce garlands, so no know-it-alls allowed!
Recommended Level of Inebriation: Pop a Bottle!
As mentioned, Sam’s favorite bevvie is champagne. One of my favorite of his lines—and I have a lot—is his response to a guy asking if he’s drinking champagne in celebration. He says something along the lines of, “If I only drank champagne when I had something to celebrate, I’d never get to drink it.” So grab a glass of bubbles and toast to our man, Sam, whom I personally celebrated a ton while watching this show. You’ll also probably need some alcohol to quiet down the voice in your head constantly asking how Helen’s husband never notices that she’s gone for ten hours at a time (the writers, to their credit, threw in a nanny who appears to work around the clock) or how none of the CCTV cameras in London ever seem to catch anything and wait a second, what did I say about nit-picking?!
So no, you don’t need to be 100% sober to follow the story, but I recommend staying alert like a good spy because you do need to pay attention as there are like a five different threads happening at once.
Use of Your Streaming Subscription: Goldeneye
In case it’s not abundantly clear, I had a blast watching Black Doves. Ben and Kiera are dynamite, and the action ain’t half bad either; plus the whole shebang truly does have a festive air. I honestly could have done without the two romantic plotlines, because Sam and Helen’s friendship was all I cared about, but I guess some people need higher stakes. At any rate, if Netflix decides to make another season, I will have NO COMPLAINTS. As long as they don’t try to set it around another holiday. Like, I cannot do a spy Valentine’s Day series. I CANNOT. (Lol I totally can.)