Happy Day-after-the-premiere-of-Game-of-Thrones-day! Are the rest of you guys as excited as I am about this season? This year Erin and I are going to be taking turns bringing you your recaps, so we can chat, make wild predictions, and generally celebrate and/or grieve together. We’ll give a brief synopsis of what happened where, (if you need a refresher on who’s who, check out Erin’s post!) and then, just for the sake of a giggle, take one moment from the episode, and reimagine it as a YA novel, kind of like Erin did with her review of the first book. Then we’ll turn it over to all of you, so we can get chatting!
North of The Wall
Ghost saves Sam from a zombie, and all the world could breathe again. Both on account of Sam being safe-ish, and finally getting some Dire Wolf action. Jon Snow totally badasses his way into being accepted by the Northlings, by saying he wanted to fight for the side that fights for the living. Also, there there be giants.
Cersei shows us the insecure side of crazy with her accusations that Tyrion is always telling their father lies about her. Lies that happen to be true. Tyrion goes to his father and demands what’s rightfully his — since Tywin took all of the glory for the battle Tyrion won — and we see that whatever things we ever thought about Tywin being kind of cool, because of how he was with Arya, were wrong, wrong, wrong. He is a nasty, mean old meanie. I couldn’t believe the things coming out of his mouth. Margaery shows us just how to be a politician with her handling of the people of King’s Landing AND that little twat Joffrey. Shae and Ros have a nice little convo about how Shae needs to watch out for Sansa, especially with Littlefinger — who swears he’s going to help her escape, but whom we know is up to no good. I still think Shae is really a secret princess or something.
Our Robb sees the destruction of Harrenahl and the slaughter of hundreds of Northmen. This makes him want to fight, which builds a pit of dread in my belly. He also decides to lock his mother up for letting the Kingslayer go.
Stannis is holed up in Dragonstone, still only listening to the Red Witch like an idiot. Davos wakes up on an island and makes his way back to Stannis’ side, swearing to a friend along the way that he’ll kill the Red Witch to save Stannis, who’s still the one true king in Davos’ mind. Pretty much as soon as he gets there, Stannis has him thrown in prison. Douche.
Dany’s dragons are growing, but not fast enough. She needs an army. She also needs to stop letting her eyes fill with wonder every time she sees a kid. Some kids are brats. And some are evil sorcerers who’ll give you Easter eggs fill with scorpions. Still, Dany’s gotten pretty tough. Nipple removal didn’t make her flinch. And now she’s got Barristan Selmy, hero of Westeros at her side, and 8,000 baby-killing soldiers in her pocket.
If Game of Thrones Was a YA Novel
The coach was so mean to Sam about not remembering the Gatorade for after the game! I mean, with all the stress of being the team’s water boy and pledging for Phi Sigma Pi, to then have to watch as some bruisers from the opposing team totally jumped his brothers, but for some reason left him alone, Sam’s had a lot on his mind, you guys!
Okay, let’s talk! I really only have one question: Why weren’t Gendry and Arya in this episode?!!! But what did you think of last night’s episode? And please, keep the comments spoiler-free for anything that hasn’t happened yet!