Previous episode: “Gone Maybe Gone”
This week’s episode “High Infidelity” was actually good, mainly in the fact that it’s the kind of convoluted trash I want from this show, plus I drank several beers. In a nice homage to the first season, we are taken back to our beloved (LOL) character’s high school characteristics – Serena as the golden girl, Blair writhing in Serena’s shadow, Nate as Nate, Dan as the ultimate outsider and Chuck with his agro daddy issues. Some of them break their typical patterns while others flounder in their private school glory days.
In unsurprising news, Nate is now sleeping with his intern, Sage. Serena is still with Barry Watson. Women’s Wear Daily is interviewing Blair about Waldorf Designs. Chuck is still on the Dubai tip with few results. And Dan is stuck with Georgina watching him sleep.
The inevitable transformation of Serena into her mother is now happening because Barry Watson has pulled some strings to get Serena on the Central Park Conservancy board. Serena is hosting their fundraising gala. Coke bumps and Herve Leger bandage dresses for all!
Blair’s affinity for scheming has resurfaced just in time for the WWD story. Since the Waldorf design team decided to stay in Paris, Blair is having her minions pose as her design team. Blair, this isn’t going to turn out well.
After seeing Rufus bang “fake Charlie” (in Georgina’s words), Dan laments the loss of “Brooklyn as a moral high ground.” Yep, he actually said that! #hipsterswag? Dan has been dropped by his agent and Simon & Schuster rejected his novel. The next obvious step is to let Georgina serve as his business manager.
Chuck is pretending that Amira is his girlfriend to extort secrets from Bart – who is apparently the male equivalent of Gretchen Weiner’s hair—full of secrets. But it’s all just so boring that the only thing I paid attention to was that in a Bart/Lily household for brunch there are no waffles. RIP Lily & Rufus. Oh and Bart had an affair with Amira.
In a surprising and welcome twist—Nelly Yuki is back (DRINK), looking fabulous and she’s the WWD reporter! Blair has obviously insulted Nelly before she realizes this. And stupidly continues to do so even though her clothing line isn’t ready. Blair seems to think that Nelly Yuki cares enough to plot her demise. Despite her nightmares about nairtinis, yogurt bombs, tights not being pants, Nelly seems relatively unscathed from high school trauma. Speaking of other Gossip Girl relics, Poppy Lifton is back and is a designer too and is set to be profiled in the same article as Blair. Sadly, she’s back sans Armie Hammer though. Through Blair’s minions, we find out that Blair and Poppy’s collections are using the same fabric. Blair is convinced that it’s a setup!
Nate and Serena—so pretty, so dumb—discover Barry Watson and Sage having lunch together. And they both come to the obvious assumption—Barry Watson and Sage are sleeping together. This leads them to consider their terrible relationship choices: Nate’s of letting girls talk him back into relationships and Serena’s continual running away act. These two really are perfect for each other aren’t they? Nate continues to be culturally relevant (about as relevant as the show) and makes a Patti Stanger reference.
Chuck confronts Amira about her affair with his father. And yet again proves his emerging manhood by essentially keeping her captive until she finds information on Bart.
Poppy is photographing her collection at the Central Park Conservancy gala which ruins Blair’s terrible fake robbery plan. Blair also finds out that Serena is back in New York without Serena contacting her, which gives me major Season 1 vibes (DRINK!). Her new plan, to steer the models elsewhere, goes terribly awry (surprise) and Poppy shows up with some terrible extensions. Basically, everyone has grown up except Blair. This is very apparent when she offers Nelly the position of head minion and loses her WWD story. Blair ends up planning on revamping her whole first collection in just 10 days.
The conversancy gala looks like it’s on the same rooftop that every rooftop party on Gossip Girl is held. Serena is clearly growing up because her boobs are covered and she’s taking Lily’s previous adult vs. high school advice—you stand by the man who is cheating on you instead of causing a scene! So she stands beside Barry Watson, until Sage shows up at the gala. Then we find out, after Barry Watson punches Nate and Serena calls Sage a slut, that Sage is his 17 year old daughter. NATE IS SLEEPING WITH A 17 YEAR OLD. SERENA IS SLEEPING WITH A FATHER.
That revelation was great, but by far the best scene was the conversation between Nelly Yuki and Dan. She basically tells him that he’s never going to be in with the UES crowd. She inspires Dan to break the rules. Despite his meetings with The Nation, New York Magazine and Vanity Fair to publish his novel, he decides to publish with Nate & The Spectator. Nate asks Dan if he’s concerned that he’ll lose friends—and Dan goes on a rant about losing Blair to Chuck, people running Jenny out of town and Rufus sleeping with Ivy. Dan is giving no more fucks.
Things with Serena and Barry Watson are fine and Serena has even put in a good word for Nate. Sage goes to Constance and when Serena mentions Gossip Girl, Sage has an accurate response. “No one in high school reads Gossip Girl. It’s for old people.”
Much like this show apparently.
Things That Could Be Important Eventually/Minor Annoyances/Georgina Being Hilarious
- Chuck receives a photo of a man Amira saw Bart with during their weekend affair. Gay sex scandal!?
- Blair’s new offices have Eleanor’s “vintage” dresses hanging up—aka dresses from season one.
- Will Nate’s Patti Stanger reference lead to a minor guest role?
- Bart is threatening people all over the place.
- Georgina refers to Nate as the “handsome vacant one.” To which Dan responds that Nate has a surprisingly high IQ. Nate’s later actions re: Sage negate this entire conversation.
- Serena quotes Shakespeare.
Next week, Blair’s fashion show appears to be hijacked by Sage. And Dan is on a date with Nelly Yuki?!
About the Contributor:
Kerensa Cadenas is a writer living in Los Angeles. She grew up on binge reading Sweet Valley High and watching Saved by the Bell at a very young age. Hence, she is now unable to grow out of this life-long phase. She loves terrible teen television, young adult novels and probably listens to One Direction more than she should. She also enjoys more adult things like margaritas on patios and dance parties. A Marcus Flutie/Nate Archibald man-hybrid remains her ideal.