AWARDS
THIS WEEK’S MVP(arent)
Since I skipped this for “Chapter Sixty-Nine” (NICE), I’m going to hand out two awards: one to Jane, for writing Mateo the lovely inscription in his copy of the book (that he won’t get to read for twenty more years), and one to Xiomara for supporting Jane now in her probably-love of Adam, and back when she was a baby as the only parent who stuck around (sorry, Ro, I’m on Xo’s side at your revelation of possible willful ignorance!).
BEST TELENOVELA TWISTS
Duh: Magda’s and Anezka’s scheme backfiring after Petra discovered the reality of Carl’s existence and (with Krishna’s raise-worthy help) counterschemed to undermine Anezka’s confidence, leading Anezka, somehow, to a gruesome hanging end.
Runner-up: the twist-within-a-telenovela-twist of Fabian returning to Rogelio’s show for a dramatic and ghostly final monologue—and then snapping an IG of Jane’s book cover his junk while in said dramatic, ghostly makeup.
BEST PRODUCT PLACEMENT
A tie between the touchless door-operating magic of Jane’s Chevrolet, and the artless con-artist crudity of Anezka’s cash payment discount ads at the Marbella.
THIS WEEK
After some seriously “it me” flashbacks to Baby!Jane devouring magical realism in her local indie bookstore—complete with Isabel Allende hallucinations—we open on Jane’s HARDCOVER BOOK. It’s here! It’s finally (and in IRL, at your actual bookstores now) here! Jane is a published author! And she is going to have a book launch party at her favorite local indie bookstore, hosted by her favorite gay indie bookseller couple, and it is going to be so great.
As she is penning the world’s longest dedication for the copy Mateo will get to read two decades hence, Rafael fields a phone call from Petra who is complaining about Anezka and Magda’s low-rent con artist dealings at the Marbella, over which she has managed to exert zero control. Starting to second guess his decision to take himself out of scheming for awhile, he looks to Jane for reminders as to why he needs to lay low. “Because sneaking around got you thrown in jail in the past and run over in the present, and you need to look to the future, protect your children, and be a role model.” It is a masterful use of guilt+scare tactics, and he is duly impressed.
Me? I’m just glad to see them back as BFF co-parents.
Jane’s chill about her book is unlimitable. She dances about it at home, she dances about it at Xo’s, and she dances extra hard about it at Adam’s, where she drops off a specially stick-figure signed copy before inviting him to join her on her tiny Florida-only book tour the next week. He’s surprised and asks if that is what she really wants, and she responds with, “yeah, I love you!” Except not really, it was in her imagination, she just says it will be so fun!!! …but also, now she is obsessed with why and how to tell him she loves him.
Back at the Marbella, Petra tries a new tactic to get Rafael involved: getting him a job as the Marbella’s General Manager. Surprisingly, Magda goes for it (the argument that Rafael is their best bet at making more money for Magda and Anezka to abscond with certainly helps). On the way out of the office, though, Petra spies an inhaler under the couch, which reminds her of the specific detail about Carl’s inhaler which Luisa tried to use as proof of his existence. And while one stray inhaler a scheme does not prove, Petra knows her family well enough to follow up on it, and so she goes straight to Krishna (low-key the best), who was accidentally witness to the encounter between Anezka, Luisa, and maybe-Carl, and thus who might be able to get Petra proof.
“What time were you in the parking lot?” Petra asks. “Close to midnight,” Krishna says. “I remember because I looked at my watch and thought, this is no way to live.” KRISHNA. Petra’s response? “Good, cue the tape up to 11:45.” PETRA!
The security footage from the outside of the hotel doesn’t show Luisa in the flesh, but does show her shadow…and Carl’s. And now Petra has enough information to take her family down—with Krishna’s help. “That is NOT in my job description, Mrs. Solano,” Krishna says. “So…I’m going to need a raise.” Petra’s raised eyebrow of impressed pride, it’s all of us.
So Petra and Krishna fake an argument about how tired Petra is of tricking Anezka, which Anezka overhears. They bring it to Magda, and Petra puts on a real show of begging Magda to drop the act already and be honest with Anezka and just stop stringing her along. Magda is flummoxed, Anezka is confounded, and Petra is relentless. Anezka insists that she isn’t the one being tricked, that Magda is the one she can trust, but then Petra scoffs and says, “if I weren’t in on it, how else would I know that Carl is real?” And both Anezka AND Magda are floored. Win: Petra! That is, until Anezka winds up hanging in the middle of her suite at the end of the hour. Dun dun DUNNNNNN.
Meanwhile, Jane is fighting both fate and incessant flashes of Michael-memories to make her book launch party go well. Unfortunately, fire after fire keeps alighting in her path. First, the bilingual bookstore of her youth ends up closed due to a new building landlord and gentrifying hike in rent the owners couldn’t afford. Next, Magda spitefully schedules Raf to bartend (not general manage!) during the party, which Jane tries to brush off as no big deal (even though it is) which Raf has to pretend he isn’t hurt by (even though he is). Next, Adam calls with the news that a handful of deadlines got moved up and he also wouldn’t be able to make it. Next, Rogelio’s plan to get a magazine writer to cover the opening and bring enough business in to pay at least this month’s bookstore rent (I…do not think this is how business rent works?) falls through, as it turns out that magazine writer is sleeping with Fabian, and Fabian asks her to withhold favors until he gets Rogelio to agree to let him return for a melodramatic ghost farewell, to get him a reel for an upcoming audition—and Jane has to write the script.
Eventually almost all problems are solved: Jane realizes Fabian wants a speech as riddled with clichés as possible, and delivers. His bed buddy found out he was seeing other people, so she can’t come through after all, but he does the next best thing and rolls up in his ghost makeup to take naked selfies with her book in the bathroom as organic advertisement. Alba alerts Jane to the Raf problem, so she swings by the hotel on her way to the party to hand him the book and force him to read the acknowledgments, which GUSH in thanks to Rafael, her rock.
And finally, while Adam doesn’t end up making it, Isabel Allende does (thanks, Fabian’s nudie shots!), and she advises Jane to follow her passion, which leads Jane to race to Adam’s right after the party and finally say I LOVE YOU.
Only, it turns out he didn’t have deadlines. He had another job offer from that VFX company he turned down before, this time for way more money. And him seeing her catch her dreams this past month made him want to catch his, so he accepted. He skipped the party so as not to ruin her pictures by being in them. “I had to take it,” he says. “No, you wanted to,” she replies. YOU LITERALLY DAYS AGO SAID YOU WOULDN’T BREAK HER HEART AND LEAVE, I scream at my television, more irritated at the pacing of the writing than the twist (too fast and too unearned, yo).
Sigh. Bye, Adam.
NEXT TIME
The Villanueva-Solano-de la Vegas are taking this week off for a well-deserved Thanksgiving break, but will be back on December 8 for the midwinter finale.
About the Contributor:
Alexis Gunderson is a TV critic and audiobibliophile. A Wyoming expat, she now lives in Maryland, where she runs the DC chapter of the FYA Book Club. She can be found talking about Teen TV on Twitter, and her longform criticism can be found on Authory.
