Title: Assassination of a High School President
Released: 2008

Fix: High School Film Noir
Platforms: FuboTV, Peacock, Roku, VUDU, Tubi TV, Redbox, Crackle, Pluto TV, Plex, IMDB TV

Usually, we reserve our Stream Its for movies that are actually, you know, pretty good. But last night, I decided to take a chance and watch a movie based solely on two facts:

  1. It’s set in high school.
  2. It features Bruce Willis.

This turned out to be kind of a mistake. But since it was still a half-entertaining mistake, I went ahead and wrote a post about it. So at least now you can approach your Netflix as an informed consumer. YOU’RE WELCOME.

Netflix Summary:

While investigating the theft of his Catholic high school’s SAT exams, geeky sophomore reporter Bobby Funke uncovers a complex conspiracy. But will anyone believe him when he points the finger at the school president?

FYA Summary:

This movie tries to be Brick.

This movie is not Brick.

Familiar Faces:

Bruce Willis as Principal Jared T. Kirkpatrick

If Bruce Willis is in a movie, I will watch it. AND I WILL ENJOY IT. PERIOD. Even when he’s phoning it in as an ex-military high school principal.

Michael Rapaport as Coach Z

I’m guessing that Michael Rapaport is, like, friends with the director? Because he shows up just long enough to Rapaport it up as the school basketball coach.

Mischa Barton as Francesca Fachini

I never watched The O.C. (I KNOW! I know. Sorry!), so all I really remember about Mischa Barton is her time in the TMZ spotlight. But she’s actually really good in this movie! And maybe that’s not saying a lot, because all she has to do is be the pretty, super cool popular girl, but she is REALLY good at being the pretty, super cool popular girl.

Zoë Kravitz as Valerie Torres

Zoë Kravitz shows up for three minutes and looks beautiful, per yooj.

Reece Thompson as Bobby Funke

Reece Thompson isn’t a familiar face to me, but he should be! He’s so adorkable! And he looks like a REAL TEENAGER in this movie, pimply face and all. As the film’s hero, Bobby Funke, he’s a great blend of awkward earnestness and impulsive dumbassery.

Luke Grimes as Marlon Piazza

Luke Grimes looks SUPER familiar to me, but maybe it’s because he’s like a cross between Skeet Ulrich and Johnny Depp. I spent the whole movie trying to figure out whether he was really hot and a little skeezy or really skeezy and a little hot.

Couch-Sharing Capability: Post Brunch Posse

This isn’t a party movie, but it’s more fun to watch with friends who will laugh at the good lines and, more importantly, make fun of the bad ones. Cringery loves company! If you’re waltzing home from a bottomless mimosa brunch (the only good kind of brunch), this movie will suffice for afternoon entertainment, especially if people want to speculate on how a 90 minute movie can feel so long who actually stole the SAT tests.

Recommended Level of Inebriation: High

You don’t need to be sober to follow along with Bobby Funke’s investigation. In fact, it’s better if you’re the complete opposite of sober. You’ll find the raunch more titillating and the characters more interesting, and if you pass out halfway through the movie, it’s no big loss.

Use of Your Netflix Subscription: Weak

This film has its good points. I really liked Bobby, and some of the lines were some real zingers. (At one point, he describes two members of the student council as “head hall monitor and noted date rapist” and “class secretary and former child underwear model.”) But overall, the movie was trying way too hard to be edgy and eccentric, and instead of building the tension necessary to pull off a true film noir, the pacing erred on the side of glacial. It’s not a total waste of Netflix time, mainly due to the fact that if you had watched it in a theater, it would have been a total waste of money. So… yeah.


Sarah lives in Austin, and believes there is no such thing as a guilty pleasure, which is part of why she started FYA in 2009. Growing up, she thought she was a Mary Anne, but she's finally starting to accept the fact that she's actually a Kristy.