Fix: Filling a Crucial Pop Culture Knowledge Gap, or Rewatching a Teen Classic
Platform: Prime Video
I actually had another movie lined up for Stream It (with, like, photos and notes and shizz! Which I point out for the significance of the switch, ’cause I love being lazy, y’all.). And then I saw this movie for the first time and BISH PLEASE like I could talk about anything else.
Also, I super need a hot tub time machine to reverse FYALand’s March Madness decision re: Easy A over this movie. What, what, WHAT were we doing?! (And what, what, WHAT was I doing, waiting so long to watch this!?)
A girl who half-heartedly tries to be part of the “in crowd” of her school meets a rebel who teaches her a more devious way to play social politics.
Veronica’s friends with a trio of heinous, shoulder pad-wearing* girls all named Heather. (Well, one of them may have been OK. But cowardly compliance isn’t exactly innocence.) Growing tired of these O.G. Mean Girls, Veronica journals down a lot of her revenge fantasies. Once she starts hanging out — horizontally and otherwise — with new kid J.D. (who’s as hot as he is VOLATILE), these fantasies start becoming real, everything goes OFF THE RAILS, and TICK TOCK YEAH IT DON’T STOP.
*I know it was the ’80s, but the shoulder pads really deserve their own billing.
Winona Ryder as Veronica
She’s pretty fab in this movie. And also super young. (Unrelated: SO PRETTY. She even makes all those outfits work.) Veronica can be a bit bratty and overdramatic, i.e. like just about every single teenager in the history of existence, ever.
Christian Slater as J.D.
Self, I thought we were past all this. But here we are, continuing to make bad fictional life choices (well, up until the point where HOLY CUSS, DON’T STAND SO CLOSE TO ME). J.D. is a bad boy MLD FOR SURE. As effed up as he was, I absolutely love what the movie did with that archetype. (The DVD commentary contained an interesting point that having those MLD-ish traits kind of leads to… well, someone like J.D.)
On a completely shallow note, it was disconcerting to hear Christian Slater’s voice with a face that I’m not used to seeing on him (i.e. ATTRACTIVE). And then extra weird when I started to see a resemblance to Sad Logan Lerman!* I actually Googled the likeness to make sure I’m not just seeing Logan Lerman everywhere (’cause like honestly, I see that kid everywhere), but the internet validates my theory!
*And a Sad Logan Lerman prototype that I could actually find attractive,** despite current day SLL being older than Christian Slater circa Heathers. Although there’s no equivalent for Slater’s eyebrows; those things are all him. Anyway, I also realized that I instantly look up age when I’m on the verge of an inappropriate actor crush. (See also: Dylan O’Brien, John Boyega. Also see if you like HOTNESS.)
**While I find him objectively pretty, I’ve also been aware of SLL since he was a 12 year old on Jack & Bobby. So I don’t think of him Like That.
Shannen Doherty as Heather Duke
It was so strange to see her as a not-a(n-outwardly-mega)-bitch. Thankfully, order is restored to the universe as the movie progresses. (Spoiler alert, I guess. But c’mon — it’s Shannen Doherty.)
Jennifer Rhodes as Veronica’s mom
OMG IT’S GRAMS. And OMG IT’S GRAMS AND PRUE IN THE SAME MOVIE. (Although poor Jennifer Rhodes; getting ‘promoted’ a generation just ten years after she and Shannen Doherty played only one apart.)
Couch-Sharing Capability: Slumber Party (and Any Way You Want It)
Considering that I finally saw this movie because I had two consecutive authors list it as their slumber party pick, that’s a HELL YEAH. But really, this movie can be enjoyed in any context.*
*Unless that context is obvi people who don’t like this movie. In which case, you should get new context. (JK. But also not JK.)
Recommended Level of Inebriation: Forbidden for Beginners, Irrelevant for Everyone Else
For first-timers, y’all need to watch this sober to catch all the words. There’ll be plenty of time for (always welcomed, but not required for enjoyment) libations upon your inevitable rewatches.
Use of Your Streaming Subscription: Essential
This is PRECISELY why you have a streaming account in the first place! Besides, bingeing (ha) on Heathers will prepare thyself for the impending horror that known as the Bravo update/sequel/whatever the shizz. Because just like Heather Duke’s lunch, some things are best the first time around.